The story so far:
I knew my mother would have understood why I told her secret. She loved me more than anyone else and would not want me to carry that secret.
My mother and I also has "My Secret" which only I would be blessed with knowing for the rest of my life. Never to share this secret with anyone.
"My Secret" was the actual facts as to how she got pregnant before she got married.
During her entire life, even as a young child, my mother knew in her heart that the one true meaning in a womans life is to be a mother. Mom never wanted to have 'just anyone' as the father. LOVE from any one else would never compare to the LOVE from mother to child and child to mother.
"My Secret" also has a pinkie swear. It was "Promises, Promises, Pudding and tea...No one wanted a child, more than me"
My mom was a virgin. The man we referred to as father/doctor was in fact the man who made her pregnant through artificial insimination. Therefore respectfully, I called him father but he was her doctor. That is why she removed her wedding ring when we saw him.
The man she married, she knew she loved in some way. But she loved me more and wanted me to have a man to call Daddy.
Her secret was that she never made love with a man, never loved a man in a way that she could only love her child.
When she was gone her secret had to be revealed. In my life, "My Secret" will always be just between me and MOMMY.
The gift of life, the love of a child, the gift of knowing you gave life to a person. You try to educate them, you try to protect them, you try to shelter them.
No other love will ever be greater than that of a mother. No other secret will ever be greater than knowing that my mother wanted ME more than anything else.
I was the one that gave my MOMMY's life its true meaning, its true purpose.
I love you Mommy, my secret is safe with you.