Confusing ! Anthromorphic tales are always tricky.

Good writing. Catching first chapter. Has the makings of a great yarn.

Good artsy description, but excessive use of big words.

Not bad writing. But too many words without actually saying anything. And why not use the chapters feature of storymash.

Good stuff ! Slightly confusing with the change between first and third person views just before the shooting. Perhaps a second chapter would have better suited the prison part.

Not bad. But prolonged meadering thoughts by the character can be soul sucking. Needs to be interspersed by actual events. I heard about a recent study that indicates that there is a certain golden timing pattern that can be used in focus switching.

Great writing. Though slightly excessive paragraph spacing, I found.

A good attempt. Some problems with boring detail which can lose the readers interest. Also the current structure might be better suited to two chapters.

Great writing! And what thought provoking ideas !

Good writing. Not a bad story start. First person balance between thoughts and feelings is always tricky.