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Discussion of "The Sound Machine - 3" by xvoorheesx


1 xvoorheesx 6 years, 3 months ago Reply

Hey! I decided to continue the story in present tense, mostly because it seems to come natural to me. Please let me know what you think. I hope you enjoy!


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1 chloe 6 years, 3 months ago Reply

Nice job! I liked how you continued this chapter as well as picking up an-doch's swarming idea. I'd like to see even more with the crickets- seems she got away a little too easily (Of course-I would faint if it happened to me lol) liked the background on Maggie- I like how you established Maggie as the main character- great ending with the electrical cord!
Chloe


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1 xvoorheesx 6 years, 3 months ago Reply

Thanks Chloe! I know exactly what you mean about the crickets, but I was afraid of getting too cartoonish if I had Maggie try to fight them off. Plus I didn't want to debilitate her too bad that she couldn't go to the hospital. I put myself in her situation and made her do just what I would of I suppose.
Anyway, I'm glad you liked it and am hoping to read what someone else adds on.


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1 potatoking 6 years, 3 months ago Reply

I am loving the way this is going. I like the way you've put Chloe as the clear main character. The idea of the crickets is freaking me out.


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1 honeygloom 6 years, 3 months ago Reply

Even with Maggie’s background, I can’t imagine she would leave the hospital so quickly. She doesn’t even wait to talk to a doctor, get information on Alex’s possible treatment, nothing you would expect from someone so obviously in love with her husband. She seems suspicious of Leonard, but not enough to go with him to the room to make sure he doesn’t do anything to/with Alex. However, once Maggie gets home, I love what you did. Having Maggie interpret the chirping of hundreds of crickets as whispering was a great description. I might have spent a little more time on her reaction, “she freaks” tells me nothing interesting. But I love that you brought the crickets in, I think it was a great move and I can’t wait to see how it plays out. Also I thought the ending was a good move too. It creates a lot of tension and leaves Maggie with a lot of mysteries!


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1 xvoorheesx 6 years, 3 months ago Reply

Thanks potatoking and honeygloom!

Honeygloom, I know I should've added more info at the hospital but I guess I just rushed through it because I knew what was in store for Maggie when she got home. And, yes I could've made her reaction a little more interesting.

Thanks to both of you for reading and commenting!


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0 Cornelius 6 years, 3 months ago Reply

xvoorheesx, it was a distinct pleasure to add a chapter where you left off. Nice job. I am aware that none of us can cover everything in a single chapter, so I tried to fill in some holes while keeping the story moving at a good pace. I look forward to reading your feedback.


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0 hologram 6 years, 3 months ago Reply

This doesn't really have anything to do with the story, but I thought it might interest you. The whole sound machine being unplugged thing really freaked me out: I once found an alarm clock in the shape of a cat, and as I pulled it from its box, its eyes flashed and it played a very scratchy recording of Good Morning Starshine. Lighted cat eyes and Donovan music have always frightened me, but it was nothing compared to turning the clock over and finding out that there were no batteries in it. These things do happen, I suppose.


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1 Cornelius 6 years, 2 months ago Reply

That is just creepy, hologram. Stay away from me! (jk)


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1 xvoorheesx 6 years, 1 month ago Reply

That IS a creepy story hologram! And thank you for the kind words, Cornelius!


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