The story so far:
Ok... Let's get this butt of something over with shall we? I got maybe 2 more hours till I fall asleep for 4-6 hours, feed the horses, and then try to make something of the next few hours by simply hoping that I don't end up falling in love. It's not that I don't enjoy the process, it's just that well... Love's bearing on my life thus far hasn't always been as welcoming as I thought it would be.
Course at this point, I'm pretty **** wiped out from all the writing I've been doing and hope to one day think, that my key boards going to turn into a snake and bite my head off.
I dunno why I'm so scared of love. Probably because anytime I've admitted I had feelings for someone it was either too late or too fast, and the woman always thought I was a bastard for doing it.
It's just weird how things work out for I guess. When I'm not trying to land some Tang, the drink, not the vagina term, Ialways seem to just not care about the dating aspect. It's either the friend zone which, I end up landing in forty percent of the time because my own circle of friends has slowly become my circle of slight friends that want to kick my ****... I'm talking offline and away from my work place.
But then again, I have been an **** and probably deserve what ever's coming my way. On the up side, well... If you can call having random fits of psychosis in which you feel very energized at one point, but then forget what the **** you wer going to do the next an upside... It's a pretty safe bet that nothing is working right in the ol noodle.
But then again, why bitch and moan and complain about a lot of nothing? The last couple of women that I've talked to in the same state as me, have either blown me off, or gave me the impression that they cared about me, and then left.... Waaaah Waaaaah Waahhh ...
But then again, its my mind, you chose to read it, so your the bag of douche, if your thinking I'm going all emo on you. Correction, I'm ex emo. That's right, I listened to MCR, at one point slit my wrists because I had low self esteem issues and thought that I would never find the girl of my dreams.
Blah, blah, blah, blah... Same old ****, different day right? And now I think I've fallen for some one else. Jeez, I really hate this pain in the **** thing called love, or puppy love or something. I guess in the end I have put myself down and remember who I am:
A **** up.
My only good skill is that I'm a damned decent writer with the exception of a few spelling errors here and there. I'm just tired of feeling like I got to perform for every one. I gotta hide behind the mask of aloofness for people to be happy about my presence. But maybe these are just left over feelings from before.
Yes I said leftover feelings. From before, its a loooooooooooong story and I'm not in the mood to get through it again, because I keep thinking about the what ifs and where nows, and everything else that seems to go on in my **** up mind... This feels good. Yeah I'm whining ,but it's getting rid of some built up stress. Maybe I should do some more youtube vids while I'm at it?
Lol, it never gets easier and I have to pull myself back into the chains of "Hey, I'm 24- going 25, and really? What have I accomplished with my life? I wrote!" See? This is my ultimate accomplishment in life. I've written. I'm just tired....