"What the **** happened to us!?" The part of the merged human that was Ballin screamed outwards. The two had merged painfully. Not only that, but now they were being used as a finger puppet by the Kraken.
"IT- AAUUUGH! HURTS-URGH! SO GOO-AURGH!" Ballanton screamed in a mixture of pleasure and pain, as the Kraken's massive tentacle slid up his anus, snapping it open like three year old dried out condom would if bent. Liam Neeson simply laughed at the fusions pain. The tentacles shredded open the rectum, causing internal bleeding, then ruptured into the large intestine, splintering the connecting tissue into the small intestine, pumping and ripping though the stomach, twisting through the esophagus and hooking into into the soft pallet.
"You know something Ballanton? Thanks in part to the Omegalpha, I can rip into you as much as I want! Do it." Liam said with a low moaning as he took his pants off, and scared the **** out of Ballanton. He smiled greedily as the hooks ripped bits of the soft pallet out of his mouth. "I want this to be as painful as possible." The tentacle rapidly expanded and contracted, sending bone breaking, organ shredding shock waves throughout his body. The blood spurting out of him like a rolled up serving of half rotted Gogurt being run over.
Ballanton's eyes popped in their sockets as the Tails Doll floated by silently. Liam took notice of it and simply materialized a remote into his hands. "The wonders of Nanotechnology never cease to amaze one such as I." The actor said as the Kraken pumped ten thousand pounds plastic explosives into the stomach.
"What did we ever do to you!?" Ballanton mouthed in terror.
"My dear Ballanton, why, before you were born, your ingredients sinned against all of Humanity, by simply living! Their exploits, disastrous adventures, and run ins with the authorities have caused us great discomfort." The Kraken ripped the tentacle out of its little finger puppet.
Along with the tentacle came the soft pallet, tongue, throat, voice box, esophagus, stomach, small intestine, large instestine, rectum, and exploded anus, followed by a geyser of blood.
"By the way, Ballanton? When the master gets here, we will have a talk about your future."
The being screeched through the atmosphere, its eyes gazing at the planet below it, as the effects of the moon splitting apart were already taking effect. Each half had floated to opposite sides of the planet, their gravitational pulls drawing the ocean towards them, creating a belt of dry land.
Entire continents were washed away.
Millions of lives lost.
Every Fox News reporter drowning or being crushed under the immense wieght of their own bloated ego.
"Never say never." He whispered happily, his eyes pin pointing his only remaining pawn. The Tails Doll floating closely behind, its red LEDs flashing, conveying a message to the being.
Its eyes flashed even more.
The Tails Doll shook its head, the jewel slowly swinging from side to side. It tried one more time.
"If you insist, you may beat the crap out of Selena Gomez, any way you wish."
The Tails Doll flashed a toothy grin, its eyes brightening to the maximum as it sped forward.
A lone, old fashioned police car drove up the spiraling driveway that lead to the once proud mansions burnt out skeleton. The occupants of the car itself seemed almost mismatched for partners. The Precinct they belonged to hoped that maybe their bad qualities would be overwhelmed by each's good ones. Dr. Fo Urarms was in his late thirties, disheveled, unshaven, drunk at most times, and sober enough to do actual work at rarest. He was Albino, being so, slathered himself regularly in sunscreen every five hours, wore sun glasses, a fedora, Hawiian shorts, and a fog jacket that only had half of its buttons.
"Okay, Raeon, dude, its obvious that while you do bring up some pretty good points, you've got to realize that in THIS world, the interweb one, the trolls will **** you with a razor edged condom and not even kiss you before hand." Dr. Fo began, explaining to his partner, Raeon. The driver himself was fresh off of the academy, eager to learn, some what hot headed in rare cases, and a newly wed to the recently divorced Dizzyedup. He was happy.
Raeon was twenty five, Black, and had been gathering lots of female stalkers on his Facebook page. Dizzyedup didn't like the fact that he hadn't changed his status to married on both of his accounts, but when Raeon explained to her that he didn't change it because he was working a case, she couldn't find a good enough counter point to make and left the subject alone.
"Secondly, the freedom of speech thing works on everything-"
Raeon interrupted his drunk partner as they pulled up to the rusted out gates. "But the big protests are the ones not headed up by dumb asses like yourself who feel the need to white knight the thing that everyone's against. Just how big a percentage are getting from the corps to play the one against progress? Are you simply one of the rich getting richer?" He smiled as Dr. Fo's face crinkled up in wry intelligence.
He suddenly smiled, "Do you even UNDERSTAND the message the people on the planet are sending out the-"
Raeon interrupted him again, "That we're sick and tired of being the cock puppets of those in power!? We're sick and tired of being belittled and poor!? The time for revolution is at hand, and there's nothing you or your watermelon eating cats can do about it!? YES! I DO BELIEVE I UNDERSTAND THE MESSAGE!" He yelled at the Albino man. "So let's just get this last call over with, and then I'll treat you to a few drinks down at the local watering hole, okay?"
"I might be some random person on the net, but I too am being **** out of an opportunity to progress myself into capital gain!"
Raeon looked at Dr. Fo like he had been hitting the sauce one too many times. "There aren't any jobs because the economy sucks ****."
Dr. Fo wagged a finger, "The economy sucks because taxes are too high and people are too damned greedy." There was a moment of silence as the car pulled to a stop in front of the gate.
Raeon sighed, put two fingers to the sides to the bridge of his nose. "People are that way because they're scared of losing any more money then they already have, and douche bag tools like yourself aren't helping any! SO **** **** OR GET THE **** OFF MOTHER ****! can we get in there already?"
The doors to the squad car opened up as the two men got out and stretched. The light somewhat stinging Dr. Fo's sensitive skin. Raeon walked up to the gate, and after examining it for a little while, kicked hard at the lock. the gate doors swung open hard with a dire creaking scream as they did so.
"This place looks like ****." Raeon noted.
"Your mom looks like ****." Dr. Fo concurred.
As they entered the main garden, now filled with dead, dying, or the remains of burnt away Vegans, Raeon stepped on a land mine, a soft click was heard.
"Dr. Fo? I love yo-" The blast turned the once proud man into a pink mist, accentuated with broken bits of bones, half his left eyeball, and a plastic testicle.
Dr. Fo stood there for just one minute trying to figure out what just happened in front of him.
When he finally did, out of sheer reactionary instinct, he began sprinting down the gardens maze like path.
He rushed passed landmines left and right.
Triggering one, the blast sent the upper half of his body in a suicidal arc, head first, into a unsprung bear trap with another landmine in it.
His face slammed hard into the triggering device, breaking his nose in the process. A recording was played, the only part he could pay attention to through his quickly fading consciousness was the voice of every teenage girls main character in their sex story.
"Hello Dr. Fo urarm, would you like to play a game? Never say never! You have one minute to figure out a way of lifting yourself to your feet, without detonating the landmine beneath you, or causing the trap to spring. Your time begins now."
The last of Dr. Fo's blood gushed out of the huge hole that had once been his lower body, he lost consciousness.
And in one final jerk of desperation.
Set off the trap.
Which cut off the front of his face.
That fell onto the landmine.
Turning whatever was left of him into another could of pinkish mist.
James heard the explosions from his seat outside the remains of his mansion, the smoke still emanating from the support beams while the chandelier finally lost its hold and came crashing to the ground. He, Baron Divis, a new intern James hired called Proximate Flaws who was also the cause of the new smoldering look made to his living space, and a newcomer named Wharfrat, were sitting around a large oak table watching the chaos of the moon splitting unfold on their new Ipads.
Coincidentally, the only videos that Wharfrat was able to recieve were those of Gathering Member Videos spitting on a bus full of Special Needs kids that were war ophans, stricken with Malaria, on feeding tubes, watching Spongebob Square pants, and listening to lamb chop. Then she would drown the whole lot of them, throw their remains into a wood chipper and serve the unknowing foster parents Kiddy Stew. She would then use one of her victims calf muscles as a dildo for the remainder of the ten minute video.
Wharfrat shuddered in horror as he stroked his graying pubes. "You really think it's wise to have a woman as disturbed as Videos be CEO? HAVE YOU SEEN HER TUBE8 CHANNEL!?" The old man panicked.
"Why wouldn't you want someone on your staff that worked their way from the ground of minimal wage to being the CEO of a major company?" James asked, casually looking as the blood covered woman screamed in agonizing joy as the parents cried tears of shame.
"HELLO!?" Wharfrat roared in anger, practically shoving the screen in the hosts direction.
"They have vast business experience and know what its like to be at the bottom, but know what it takes to succeed and work up to the top. It makes logical sense!" There was a stunned silence as the other two looked at each with the same thought.
"Mother of god..." The Baron and Proximate said as they looked at each other with a respectable apprehension.
"I mean, seriously, would you want a group of failures to be in your cabinet?" James continued, silently enjoying the stunned looks of horror on their faces.
"DID YOU NOT SEE THIS VIDEO!?" Wharfrat screamed, his brain trying to figure out in what world would this be considered prime CEO material.
"Look at Hillary for SoS." The host continued, unfazed by the three's protests.
"SHE HASN'T MADE A VIDEO THAT ROLLS MURDER, FORCED CANNIBALISM, PEDOPHILIA, AND NECROPHILIA ALL INTO ONE!" Baron Divis yelled, slamming his hand into the hard oak surface.
James shrugged, "Yes she has, look at her marriage. She's excellent at her job and has managed to balance out that America is exceptional and yet that we do need the help of our global allies."
Baron Divis shuddered when he viewed the clip of the horror that was. "If I EVER see that little whore again, I'll pluck out her eyeballs with a running buzz saw and feed them to Joe Frazier's reanimated corpse!"
Wharfrat laughed hurtfully. "She'd probably eat and **** him too, I mean, all of her Facebook friends are former pedophiles, rapists, murderers, cannibals, priests and Judas Priest look alikes! And this is the way she has to get attention to herself!?" James calmly smiled to himself, it was going to be an interesting month indeed.
James laughed, "The government is going to be major company!" There was something off in his voice, something awful, wrong, twisted, but to the others it felt so right. "Have any of you been to Disney World? I heard Anton once got thrown out of there for posing among the Small World puppets and raping kids if they held out their hand."
Baron Divis tried to imagine somehting like that, because if anything, it was better than watching Videos sexually defile a child's corpse like she had.
The baron took a deep breathe, "The government is not a major company. The government is not a business. The bottom to top clause has absolutely no relevance whatsoever, and shows little more than your veneration of the idea of meritocracy."
James couldn't help but bring out a remote from his coat sleeve and press the nine button. "Imagine that this recently trioxin injected corpse of Boxer Joe Frazier is the major business," He pushed the two button and a hidden platform rose from the ground with the recently deceased and revived corpse of Joe Frazier. "Now imagine that Videos is the government," another platform with a chained down and recently beaten half to death Videos rose form the ground as well. "Now imagine that these various implements of mutilation, torture, domination, interrogation, surgery, shop class, cooking, defilement, and The Cannon are the organizations."
Wharfrat, Baron Divis, and Proximate followed along eagerly. Wharfrat raised his hand. James nodded to him.
The old man looked nervously in Video's direction, "Is she infected with the Omegalpha virus?" He asked eagerly.
The host shrugged, "Only one way to find out. Zombie Joe Frazier, I command you to hit Videos in the breasts till they split in half, and then keep at it till she splits in half!"