"You need to be a pedophile with supreme confidence, or else you'll lose to Chris Hanson again, and then losing to him... becomes a habit." Substance stopped moving after a while, but Justin wouldn't stop beating his dead body. After a while, he infected substance with the Omegalpha virus by jamming his tongue deep into one of the many open gashes. Within a few minutes, he sparked back to life, unaware what had happened to him.
"These companies realize they've got bad debt on their hands, and they have to do slimey things with investors' money to keep it all hidden. Meanwhile, as the curtain rises, the fraud grows more and more undeniable. Then instead of coming to grips with this geological reality, junior Friedmans everywhere are doing their best to pretend it's liberal spending that's caused this mess."
After a few minutes of silence, they approached the clear doors that were lined with the eyes of those Bob had conquered.
"The first stage of grief is denial. Shall I announce you? Or would you rather just barge on in?"
Justin thought about the two options and nodded confidently. "I think I'll just barge on in. After all, just like Liam Neeson, Barney Fife and Bob Saget, no matter their current forms, are still my loyal agents. Will that be all Substance?"
The butler figeted for a while, then tore off the gas mask, along with the skin covering his face. For no apparent reason, there was a huge pile of salt, broken glass, used needles, and other nice pointy objects. Substance happily slammed his face deep into it repeatedly. Justin nodded in approval.
He pressed his hands against each of the doors, waited a moment to collect himself, got into the right frame of mind, and opened the doors. "Bob Saget! We have much to discuss about your... Other half."
Four days later, Substance had kept an appointment with James, Timmy, and Proximate. There was a construction team rebuilding the burnt down mansion, slowly but surely. As he drove there, he noticed a Tails Doll that was floating in the seat beside him.
"Can you feel the-"
"DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR YOUR ****!" Substance shouted, punching the doll in the face, sending it screaming out the window. As he approached the gates, he simply ran through the heavily damaged cast iron things, smashing in his radiator in the process.
He also ran over Timmy.
Then backed over him.
Then ran over him on purpose again, just to make sure that everything was well and good.
"Every time I encounter a conservative- a person strangely antithetical to actual CONSERVING- I'm reminded of how the following quote rings more and more true, The modern conservative is engaged in one of man's oldest exercises in moral philosophy; that is, the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness. John Kenneth Galbraith said that. I'm telling you, Capitalism is **** dying." Substance said through gritted teeth as James approached the car and Timmy got off the ground.
James sighed inwardly, "Damn it. Why'd you have to drive through the gates again Substance!? It's bad enough that Proximate burned down my **** house! Capitalism isn't dying," He said, gently opening the door. "It just needs revitalizing in the form of small business growth. If big business is headed downward, then enter small business to fill the economic and jobs gap."
The host helped his former law firm partner out, and led him and Timmy to the temporary housing. Substance noticed that it was a single burnt out tree house with the skeletal remains of four boys in Cub scout uniforms, giant black dildos stuck in their pelvis bones, and a note nailed to each skull saying "They let me in. Their ****. Love, Joe Paterno."
"Seems legit." Substance noted.
"This seems to be the category that some conservatives have missed, and a category Progressives USED to support." The host continued as he threw the skeletons out into the yard, where Zombie Joe Frazier promptly made love to them by impacting their broken skulls. The four of them sat down around the remains of another skeleton in bondage gear, a ball gag, and three rail road ties nailed into the eye sockets and nasal cavity. James threw this out as well, and the undead boxer proptly beat the crap out of it as well.
"It might seem like a tough sell in a hard economy but small business can revitalize a town's economy." He continued, smiling even though the rotted out smell of splattered ****, burnt flesh, and charred muscle pervaded his every sense. "Lets say new businesses pop up on a town's main street. That can bring in consumers from neighboring areas and in turn even increase the business of existing businesses within the town. Let's use Videos and Zombie Joe Frazier as examples again." The host pressed a few buttons, and the shivering, rocking form of Videos being slapped repeatedly by a sledge hammer wielding clown rose from the ground.
"PUH-PUH-PUHLEEEASE STOP I-" The sledge hammer slammed directing into her nose and upper lip, knocking out a few teeth, and making a deep dent inward that caused a gusher of blood to rush all over her face.
"People are focused on big business," James said smiling, Proximate nodding in approval, and Substance wincing each time another blow to her body was made. "Whether its Progressives wanting to hammer it down-"
Two other clowns joined in, one with a triple chainsaw, the other with a quad barreled flame thrower.
"Or Conservatives wanting to build it up,"
The clown with the sledge hammer waited for Videos wounds to heal up, bent her over, and slammed the twenty five pound sledge hammer hard against her butt cheek, splitting it open to reveal the copious amount of fat and busted up veins that gushed a sprary of blood outwards.
"but most new job hires come from small business then any other source. The new jobs plan from our current administration should focus more on small business. What incentives and policy changes can government create to get this field of the market booming?"
James lavished in the sounds of flesh and bone being crushed and slashed apart as Videos arms and most of her lower body were maimed.
"What can be done to make the environment conclusive to small business creation and expansion? What regulations might be hindering small business growth?"
The clown with the flame thrower jammed it deep into the bloated, decaying liver that Videos was desperately trying to push back in. She had tears of shame, humiliation, and utter lack of the will to live in her eyes that smeared her over use of mascara and bloody snot poured out of her nose and mouth. The clown, looking like her only chance of pleasured mercy, pulled the trigger with as much glee as changing the channel to something more enjoyable, lighting her insides on fire, the flames cooking and boiling her innards till they popped like bacon on a fire.
"These are the questions congress, at both the state and federal levels, should ponder on most when it comes to the jobs issue. That's just my opinion though."
That's when Zombie Joe Frazier and the Zombie Rape Rabbit repeatedly **** Videos in the ears with barbed wire condoms, breaking the anvil and hammer, obliterating her inner ear, and slashing away at the sides of her brain, causing major trauma.
"Yeah, take it you stupid whoring bitch! We're **** with your mind!" Out of respect for the recently and gravely injured, Joe reached into himself, pulled out some Cancer cells, and slammed up the broken womans nose.
"WHAT DID YOU JUST DO!?"
"I gave you cancer." The undead boxer said simply as he spurt zombie sperm by the truck load into her skull and lavishly licked her charred, ripped apart forehead. The Zombie Rape Rabbit simply wood peckered her to repeated death.
Timmy noticed the form of Barney Fife falling down behind a mummified vegan corpse. He ignored it, but heard the words of the frightening Tails Doll in his ear.
"Can you feel the-" it cut out, as if something interrupted its demented little chant. The rocker simply shoved this thought out of the way, smiled, and jabbed a middle finger right in front of James face. "James doesn't know what he's talking about again!"
The host calmly brushed his guests insulting finger out of his line of sight and shrugged. This was not the first time he and Timmy and tangled. "Can you say something else? I mean you come off as a retard when try to counter someone's point of view that has supporting statements and all you can say is James doesn't know what he's talking about again."
All three clowns, the Zombie Rape Rabbit, and Undead Joe Frazier began donkey punching the healed up Videos, dislocating joints, shattering bones, bruising organs, causing internal hemorrhagic strokes, and causing her to go into a infantile fetal position.
This attracted the attention of Joe Paterno.
Who gently lead her to a shower to get cleaned up.
Offered her some tea.
Then psychotically, viciously, maniacally, and without reservation, started punching her anus till it could take no more.
And ripped apart.
Allowing her assailants to collectively shove their fists into her up to their shoulders.
Ripping apart the thin layer of skin dividing the rectum and vaginal walls.
The pain was immense.
"Timmy is just going with the flow of others that have countered my view..." James continued, watching as Proximate once again whipped out the JVC and went to record the action up close. "but they actually provided quantitative statements on WHY they disagree with it. You seem to be incapable of this, unless its to repeat someone else's view."
Liam Neeson looked at the shambling form of Ballanton as Barney approached.
"Is everything alright with the idiot?" The former sheriff asked callously, noting a slight spliting indentation in his forehead.
The actor smiled. "Yes, sheriff, everything is okay, you yourself were part of a fusing, were you not? I presume that once a fusion is complete, there is no going back."
The Kraken in the distance, stretched out its twenty mile long tentacles into the sky, gently twirling the clouds into shapes that tickled its fancy. Barney looked at the creatures sad eyes, and noted its occasional thunderous braying. "In some case like mine, yes, the fusion is complete, and we are able to seperate. But those two have been through so much! The Govenator, Ghost Rider, that Rape Gorilla even. The mental trauma maybe too much for Ballin's mind to ha-"
Liam silenced him, his eyes darting to the remains of the once proud mansion in the distance. "Then you and Bob should be well aware of the consequences of a failed merging. Justin did not sacrifice so much that it could be undone by a simpletons emotional baggage! We only have two more steps to go. TWO! pray that Justin convinces Bob to join with you again. Or those two will be at HIS hands once more!"
The former sheriff pushed away from Liam, gasping for air as he struggled to maintain his footing on the evenings wet grass. "It's not Justin I'm worried about. You weren't inside Barney Saget's mind when he- Oh god, its too terrible to even talk about!" He stepped away, a haunted look in his eyes that had never been there before, seemed to take root.
He was remembering everything.
How had things gotten this bad for him?
He reminded himself of the ultimate goal, the thing which bound everything the Omegalpha virus together in the end.
"Ballin... Anton... I don't know if you two can hear me inside that mass of cells, but if you two ever do split apart, you'll just have to trust me, Justin he- he plans on bringing Barney Saget back. H-he doesn't know what he's going to unleash, and Bob knows it too. God help us all..."
Liam smiled wickedly, as a small child walked gingerly over to the actor's robes. Its cherub like features invoking a peaceful happiness about it. The boy was dressed in a sailor uniform, a giant rainbow colored pinwheel in its hands as it happily licked away at the random flavored sweet. It reminded the actor of his own happy childhood. All the innocence and joy of amusement parks, and the days when his Granparents would take him to the circus. He smiled happily as a tear appeared in the corner of his eye.
A man in deep blood red robes, tied together by a silver lined cloth, emerged from a cave not ten feet away from Liam and the adorable child's location.
"Jerry, your grandson wants your... Attention. Please be-" Liam stopped himself, if only out of a moment of pure weakness that was temporary at best, he forced himself to continue. "EXTREMELY attentive to his precious child hood." He heard a defiled laugh, one that had bore witness to the evilest doings of Barney Saget first hand, and remained partly in control of his own dark lusts.
"Can you..." His mind wandered slowly but surely, the words feeling right in his mind. "Feel the sunshine? Does it- does it brighten up your day!?"
In one swift motion, he brought the bouncing cherub like child up on his knee, and smiled widely, his Chelsea's Grin splitting open for the second time today. He slowly bounced the boy on his knee happily, looking directly into his grandsons eyes, knowing that in his blackest heart of hearts, that this was the right thing to do. The boy was still enjoying his pinwheel when Jerry Sandusky raised a tightly balled fist and held it steady, for just a moment.
The Kraken sleeping soundly, as the blood red moon ripped itself from the mountains and slowly cooled to a blinding white orb in the night sky. Jerry's smile went from one that was happy, to the evilest of grimaces.