Scorpion rolled down the window and unleashed his five **** rape spear of unholy, mother of god, what the **** death. "GET OVER HERE!" The spear sliced through the air as Jerry Sandusky was walking by, slammed down the pedophiles Santa like throat, and split open the back of his head, like a rotted out carcas of a beached whale getting blown up with a stick of dynamite.
"It's like if I asserted that TV rots your brain, and you just grabbed the remote and responded 'oh yeah, what about this channel?'" Ghost Rider simply nodded and watched as the retired Defensive Coordinator was ice raped by Sarah Palin with her new ice pillar of death Sub Zero gave her.
"DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN THAT HURTS!"
"WHAT IN GODS NAME ARE YOU DOING BACK THERE!?"
"RUSSIA FROM MY TEA HOUSE!"
"I JUST **** UPCHUCKED ICE CUBES!? IVE BECOME A ICE DESPEN-"
"GET OVER HERE!"
"I don't blindly follow Fox, MSNBC or any media sources." James finished as he took another bite of his steak and potatoes. Ghost Rider looked on as Sarah Palin continued to thrust her quickly melting whale dick sized ice dildo through the back of Jerry's head.
"You do research?" The specter asked him, drinking a bottle of water. A truly futile action as the water simply fell through the bottom of his jaw.
James thought about the question, and nodded. "Yeah, I do my research using multiple sources and then decide for myself. People can't seem to think for themselves these days and buy into the herd mentality."
The man with the flaming skull tried not to think of the possibility that once, he too mightve gone along with the plan. "That's kinda disturbing."
James had to agree, "Yeah, it is kind of sad. It would be interesting to see the people in that herd turn on the whole. Kind of like how the Occupy Wall Street movement had done. They split themselves into two groups, the Elite and the Regular."
"I'm going to assume you believe growth is infinite, like most Cons do?" Ghost Rider had fallen asleep, but he nodded with some enthusiasm. "While growth is not infinite, it can increase overtime with economic recovery."
Justin looked at Bob Saget with a level of empathy he would normal have while taking a crap. "Bob, Bob, Bob, just what do I have to do to get you to form Barney Saget again? You know there's no way I'm leaving with out the dark half of the legend!"
The logs crackled and burned while Bob's eyes glared hatefully into the teen idol. The long eons at the core of the moon seemed to have twisted the boy's mind more than he was willing to admit.
"Tell you what." Bob said as he squeezed as tightly and quickly as his muscles would allow, feeling the windpipe and neck bone get crushed underneath his fingers. "I won't kill you, I'll just make sure you're in constant pain! This is a Ginsu knife-" He yelled happily as he pulled out a sharp piece of scrap metal, jammed it deep in the boy's abdomen just below the sternum, and pulled down sharply. "I'm going to give you a gift, something that will remind you of my next few words anytime you're thinking of trying to **** with me or Barney Fife again!"
He pulled out a handful of marble bombs and crammed them in the spaces between and behind Justin's heart and lungs. "Each time you try to hurt either of us, one of these will go off, releasing a powerful and debilitating genetic disease."
Justin's eyes glinted happily, "The Omegalpha virus-"
"It will heal you up the wounds you've sustained. Not cure any genetic disease. It will keep you alive, intesify the pain or sensitivity ten fold, and make sure you keep living with that pain."
"If pushed far enough, anyone can go the distance. You say you want the power of Barney Saget, but you never told me why, or how you plan to use it!"
"Bob, we've been through this before! I want to kill Ballin and Anton, make them pay-"
"BACK OFF THOSE TWO! If anyones going to kill them, it will be me and Barney on OUR terms, not some rejected piece of dribbling sperm container."
Justin screamed at the top of his lungs, not wanting to be defeated, when he had clearly lost the battle this time.
"Maybe you would change your mind, when I tell you that we have Jerry-"
"Yes, we have him in the palm of our hand. I know what he did to you as a little boy, how he said he was a butt doctor to your folks during one of your more pain filled bouts with shoving midgets up there."
Bob Saget looked at Justin with a renewed hatred and shoved more of the gas filled marble bombs into him. Each time he did so, he purposefully punched Justin in the liver hard enough to make a small hole just deep enough to where the internal bleeding would start up again.
"No... even then, even when there's a perfectly good reason to kill that son of a-"
"He used the anal speculum the wrong way, didn't he? He used the vaginal spreader to its max, tearing your ten year old **** open so he could forcefully jam ten pineapples deep into you, tearing you apart on the inside, causing you pain like youve never felt before!" Justin sstarted laughing, gasping for air as he felt the effects of a crushed wind pipe, but still had the maniacal grin on his face.
"HE SAID HE WAS REMOVING MR. SNUGGLES! HE PROMISED ME MY MIDGET WOULD BE FINE! I NEVER TOLD ANYONE ABOUT THAT DAY!" Bob slowly put the pieces together. He punched Justin in the face for an hour while the teen idol laughed through it all.
He punched him till his skin and muscle broke.
Till his bone shown and split.
Till all that was left was a bleeding pile of goop that slowly kept reforming.
And even then, Bob wouldn't let up. "YOU SON OF A BITCH! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME!?"
Justing laughed even harder, his voice becoming high pitched and vaudville in nature. "Oh Bobsy Wobsy, you know me! I can never leave behind the opportunity to plan the greatest joke ever!"
Justin's face reformed off kilter, no longer the teen aged heart throb to billions of preteen girls everywhere, but a twisted, rotting, psychotically insane shadow of himself. If he was even Justin Beiber to begin with.
His smile seemed to stretch from ear to ear in a way that seemed almost unreal.
In a way that revealed the rotted, cavity filled, tooth decay encrusted Chelsea's Smile that everyone had known him for.
His face was now a pasty white.
His hair bleached into a deathly ill bright green.
His eyelids seemingly melted away, revealing a sadisting, bloodshot, evil and penetrating stare that shook bob to his soul.
A Tails Doll faded into view, its bloodied form and devilshly psychotic sown on grin a grim reminder of what was to come.
"Let me ask you a simple question really."
The evil cackling laughter echoed through out the mansion's walls as the little girls that Bob had hanging, by peircing a rusty meat hook through the bottom of their jaw, tounge, soft pallet, and nasal cavity cried in terror as they swung to and fro.
"Oh darling, you've never been good at putting the pieces together, have you!? I am justin beiber! And I am the JOKER, we simply performed the fusion that you and Barney already have! We are Joker Beiber! And soon as you and your little love slave, Fifey Wifey, do the horizontal mambo and become your fusion, we can join together to create the perfect human killing machine! So twisted and sadistic that it would put the likes of Manson's music and crimes against humanity to shame!" Joker laughed as he spit out a razor hed been hiding in his tongue and slashed wildly across bobs face.
"No! I have to tell-"
"OH BOYS!? We seem to have a reluctant little fly in our ointment, do make sure that you play rough with him!"
All of a sudden, Jerry Sandusky's victims, all two thousand of them, shuddered to life within the hall of knights armor that led to Bob's private study. They shivered into the room, clanking, clattering, clashing, scraping, screeching, roaring with the justice not yet served the pedophile who had only moments ago raped, tortured and murdered his own three year old grandson fust two miles away.
"You won't get away with htis you son of a-"
"Oh Bob, Bob, Bob, Bobsy Wobsy! I've already won! And don't worry, the little girls will be sexually molested, skinned alive, and have their innards become their nooses!"
Bob saget threw the Joker faced Beiber at the oncoming horde of molestation victims and ran for the phone. He never thought he would have to call the person he did, considering all the terrible things hed done to people in the last twelve months, but he was left with no other choice.
"Is this Cris Handson?"
Joker simply got up and brushed himself off, "Really? HIM? Before you go off the deep end and ruin this joke, remember that I do this to people when I think it'll be funny! Now, you go ahead and finish your call to the Predator Killer, or whatever he goes by these days, and we can sit down to examine things a bit more closely! Besides, with that nasty Omegalpha virus running around, its not like killing me would work any ways, and how do you know that the virus has even infected Mr. Handson? So sit, and I'll tell you why I want to be as painfully kinky as possible!" Joker sighed as Bob finished his call, hung up, and sat in the leather office chair in front of his desk.
The room now filled to the point of suffocation with Sandusky victims.
"Okay, let's start with why you want to do all of this, why you've set all of this up!?" Bob asked frantically, not knowing whether to be more freaked out by the potential murder victims, or by the fact that Heath Ledger's Joker was now making an appearance to him.
"Well, when I was still considered alive, I was doing a show. It was on a raised pillar that kept rising when ever those ungrateful brats started screaming their **** heads off! Soon, yours truly was in outerspace, rocketing towards the moon with all the grace of a stupid person in a scary movie." Joker paused for effect. "I saw the moon roaring towards me, larger than life and twice as hard! I didn't know what to do! I was slammed into the surface so fast that I couldn't really react at all... I mean, how does the Sun react to a lump of iron heading its way? It's too slow to move, and its assailant is far too fast to dodge!"
"So you just let yourself be slammed into the core? The dust from the moon ripping you apart till all that was left was that stupid skeleton of yours? You said that was eons ago, were you from another civiliation?"
"You STUPID FOOL! IT WAS THIS CIVILIZATION FROM THE PREVIOUS UNIVERSE! When it went kapoof, the moon this new one knows so well was flung from that one, and my corpse was blasted with all kinds of fun radiation!"
"So you created the Omegalpha virus?" Bob asked, even more curious to know the truth behind everything.
"EXACTLY! Well, not so much create as born with, but essentially I am its father." Joker Beiber responded, putting his feet up on Bob's desk. "Anywho, it didn't just happen over night you know, the radiation had to work its way into my bones! The cosmic energies seeping their way deep into my very molecules! warping my DNA forever! It was only during the time of the Dinosaurs that I really started coming back to life. Though, I was trapped in the core of the moon by then."
"What... the ****!?"