Ballanton looked at Liam with a little desperation. "Liam, what would happen if Barney Saget and Joker Beiber fuse?"
The actor looked at the fusion with a slight horror in his eyes. he turned out towards the sea and pointed ballantons attentions toward it. "Should that happen, the whole **** ocean, and all life that dwell within shall be made to down in a literal ocean of blood, ****, and urine. That and Cheesey Poofs. I don't know why." With one final look at jerry sandusky limping back as a returning and recently victim of the disease known only by those who've pissed Sub Zero off as 'Ice Rectum', Ballanton got into abandoned car, and drove off.
"About **** time if you ask me." Jerry quipped loud enough for liam to hear.
"You don't think its worth it to save the planet?" Liam asked, contemplative about Jerry.
"No... I was talking about my ****, its finally defrosted enough to where I can sit down."
"You gigantic douche!"
In the Garden Of Vegans, Timmy looked closely at Barney, he knew that around ninety nine percent of the world population had been infected with the Omegalpha virus by now.
"I-I-I DID IT! YOU ARE NOW CLASSIFIED AS A SEX TOY!"
Timmy pulled out a shiv and popped Barney's eyes, slit open his cheeks, and snapped the small town sheriff's neck. He knew it wouldn't do any good. But it felt great to finally get something out of his system.
"YOU'LL SEE! ONE DAY, YOU WONT HAVE ANY CHOICE! I WILL **** YOU WITH A GIANT SQUID!" Barney shouted at the top of his lungs.
"WHY!?" Timmy shouted just as, if not more, loudly.
"I just wanna."
Timmy shook his head, 'There is something wrong with that man.' He thought to himself as he walked almost two weeks to get back to where James was. His wounds had healed up for the most part, but he felt a small ticking in his side. He decided to ignore it for now. He saw the host's shaved brown hair, and thought that it was him, he sighed, took a breath, and spoke.
"That the best you can come up with is stupid one liners? Just like me, Timmy. Sorry that we don't take this place as seriously as you do Jimbo."
He realized his folly when it wasn't James he was talking to, but Judge Dredd, who did the only natural thing a futuristic cop in his position could could.
He pulled out a desert eagle with a dual barrel that was four feet long.
Cold cocked Timmy upside the head.
finally, Dredd rammed the barrel down his throat.
"You are charged with annoying the **** out of me! How do you plead?"
"**** YOU SCREW!"
"Guilty as charged, the sentence is death!" Dredd roared, vomiting a jet stream of saliva, broken glass, tiny bits of Snooki clone, and four pounds of Meth as he pulled the trigger with a happy grin on his face, the blast ripping Timmy's insides apart like an AK47 through a Christmas ham stuffed to the gills with crack. "You just got served. Bitch"
Timmy healed up reluctantly, looking up to see James laughing at him as the future cop pulled away on his future cop tricycle. The host looked down at the rock star, a sort of pity forming in his eyes.
"Snitches get stitches." Timmy grunted before james punched him in the gut so hard he doubled over.
"Hard to believe it when you say comments like those. Sure it could be sarcasm, but you've lost your **** on the gathering forums a few times dude, so the argument of sarcasm loses its meaning." James retorted.
"Sorry that we don't take this place as seriously as you do Jimbo." Timmy laughed as he coughed a few times, "Seriously! This disease is the ****!"
"Oookay! On that note, you should know that I take the personal beliefs that I'm passionate about seriously. Both on the Gathering forums and outside of there. I am very passionate about politics in my normal life and follow it closely." James took Timmy's shiv, and sat down hard on his back. "By the way Timmy, I was disappointed in Mr. Cain's change of position as he gave into far right conservative pressure, instead of sticking with his own independent beliefs on this issue." The host said as he repeatedly sliced through each of the spinal columns from the base of Timmy's neck down to his lower back, watching with a invested interest as the wounds healed up.
Timmy, through the pain of having his spinal cord repeatedly severed, being constantly the target of repeatedly sexual and violent anal assaults, and becoming the Red Hulk's personal condom, screamed out in rage. "DID IT EVER OCCUR TO YOU THAT I'M PASSIONATE IN BE BELIEFS AND YOU'RE MAKING A MOCKERY OF THE-"
James did the only sensible thing and started slicing open Timmy's skull cap, making sure to scalp him first. The host smiled deliciously as Timmy screamed in girlish like trauma as his hands simply twisted and turned inside Timmys brain, tearing through the brain tissue like slightly hardened yogurt.
"GLARB- NEWFT-FLICIGERA- CAT PUDDING- DISMRO- BLARF!" Timmy shrieked as his speech center became a cocktail of grey matter, blood, and fingernail clippings.
"That might have been your best trolling attempt in about a week. I mean it wasn't great or even good, but it was at least fair. I give credit where its due. say hello to my slightly bigger than little friend cockaroach!" James said as he laughed out loud.
The rock star's brain healed up, though memories were no longer where they should be, and parts of his body moved where his limbs should've, but at least his speech center was part way complete. "Lollicon at Jimbo keeping track of tring attemt."
This caught James by surprise. "Wait... Wha? This aspie just can't seem to pick up on social clues. I wonder if his lack of understanding the social interactions of Gathering causes Timmy to go into an snapsie fit of rage, and therefore lose his ****, Hmm?" He said with a snide sense of pride, knowing that the Baron probably had Timmy on his payroll.
Timmy struggled to get a thought out and **** himself completely. Then he tried to fart and spoke clearly. "2010 called and their wallet their a pie jock itches backne." He was clear on what to do now. Though it was slightly ironic that anytime he wanted to try and speak, **** came out.
However, if he tried to ****, he spoke well enough to pass himseelf off as a third grader with turrets whose watched too much Jersey Shore.
James stabbed Timmy in the back of the head for another fifteen minutes before looking at his watch. "No tasks left to do at work and I've got ninety minutes left to kill. WHAT UP GHOST RIDER!?"
The specter gave him a fist bump as he stood next to the host with a box of pizza and a few bottles of hydrocloric acid. "I wasn't sure which color opaque plastic you wanted, slightly clear or glacier blue."
Timmy looked up in pain, Ghost Rider saw him in a different light. The specter's heart warmed up, like he was a child opening up a gift on Christmas morning to see that he had just recieved a new puppy.
Unfortunately, Ghost Rider wasn't looking at a puppy.
A puppy, he could have mercy on, raise into a fine guard dog, and scratch behind the ear whenever he wanted.
This horrid, barely intelligent, deformed, disease ridden, traumatized Hulk rape victim was like a bug he desperately wanted to kill.
"Just hook up the four hundred gallon drums to the pressure washers and bring them over over."
"Okay James, is Timmy keeping your spirits up?"
James sighed, Ghost Rider did as was told and brought two high pressure washers over, giving one to him. "Timmy isn't helping with this poor attempt at humor. I mean its making me yawn. I knew aspies were boring but I didn't-" He stopped to yawn, "realize they could be this lame."
Timmy struggled to get up, only to have Red Hulk return. "N-N-NO! NO MORE RED HULK! NO MORE RED HU-AARGH!"
Red Hulk simply shrugged and calmly, quietly, methodically, and as viciously as a crack versus meth head war, jammed both hands into the rock star's ****, snapping the sphincter muscle. Timmy screeched in horror as Red Hulk interrogated him.
"What do you think of Gavin Zexion's latest work on the atomic structure of the universes dark matter, and the theory that all life is connected by distant ancestors DNA!?"
Timmy shrieked in pain as he threw up the answer, along with five feet of intestinal tract. "EVEN THOUGH HE HAD COMPELTELY DONE HIS RESEARCH INTO THE MATTER OF GENETIC IMPRINTING THROUGH SELECTIVE PROCESS, I FOUND THAT HIS THEORIES, THOUGH THOROUGH, MADE A SLIGHT LEAP OF FAITH IN REGARDS TO HOW EVERY SINGLE SPECIES ON THE PLANET EVOLVED FROM THE SAME FAMILY OF FISH!"
"And regarding the atomic structure of the universe's dark matter?" Red Hulk stretched Timmy even further, causing his taint to explode in a shower of gore.
"MAKE IT STOP!"
"answer the question!"
"OKAY! OKAY! I THINK THAT GAVIN'S DIAGRAMS WERE ONLY ACURATE TO THE DEGREE OF EFFORT INTO RESEARCHING DARK MATTER AS WHOLE! I FEEL THAT IF WE UNDERSTOOD THE UNIVERSE A LOT BETTER HE MIGHT'VE BEEN ONTO SOMETHING! I CAN'T BELIEVE HE GOT OPRAH'S SEAL OF APPROVAL ON THE DAMN THING!"
"AND I COULD'VE DONE A BETTER JOB!"
Red Hulk jammed his hands deeper in Timmy, making him sound like a malfunctioning vacuum cleaner. James sighed, shook his head, and asked Red Hulk to knock it off so he could finish his conversation. "People can criticize Gavin's work all they want but its one hundred times more interesting than anything you type out here dude. His Pissy Proximate story has more LOLs than everything you've typed combined over the past three years.
Timmy screamed in pain as the Red Hulk prepared to run behind the tool shed again to do horrible, horrible things to timmy. "IT WASN'T A JOKE!"
"RED HULK, UP, UP, AND AWAAAY!" He yelled as he leaped into the air, with a screaming Timmy in tow. Baron Divis, not impressed, was then repeatedly, viciously, psychotically, and in the course of ten seconds, raped by a Sperm sperm Whale that had been born into the Speed Force. Five million times.
A few miles away, in a home for porn stars stricken with impotence, three stars in their prime, Gitmo Guard, Evilu Tionom Aet, and Dir Edocks, sat around a glowing screen, their eyes gazing at the most curious of pictures. It was a baby orangutan, smoking reefer, and giving the photographer the middle finger with a disgruntled look in his eye.
"In his profile photo Timmy is showing us the finger he sticks up his own **** every single day. True story..." Gitmo stated, throwing away the crossword puzzle he'd started not five minutes before, and picking up a rotting, half decomposed giant grey animal with one hand.
Evilu was slightly disgusted at the sight. "Hey Dir, Gitmo is showing us the squirrel he sticks up his **** every night again. What is this, Show And Tell Day at Rants and Retards?" The midget said as he was watching a documentary on the daily habits of tiny necrophiliacs who happened to be transgendered clowns. "Yeah, that's right Tomina! Show daddy Evilu what you've got going on underneath that rubber nose!" He said, slightly ingratiated when Gitmo held the dead animal by the neck directly over him and smiled as diseased **** piled all over him, sometimes landing in his mouth. "WHAT THE ****!?"
Gitmo smiled, but the moment was short lived as he noticed a badly done photoshopped picture in Evilu's bedroom. "Does anybody really believe this is Meat's photo? It looks like Marcus if he had a red hot poker shoved up his ****, five dicks in his mouth, and Marc Anthony's entire catalog jammed straight up his AIDs ridden ****." Gitmo laughed joyously as he began his nightly ritual of stuffing the dead twenty eight pound rodent up his **** that night.
Evilu, not impressed and still wiping the diseased animal feces from his teeth, took a pot shot at how Gitmo looked in his baby pictures. "Well, you look like every fugly chick that banged Chaz Bono and Timmy, then had a retarded Justin Beiber... With Leprosy." Gitmo had enough of Evilu's **** and slammed his **** against evilus head, ripped off his jaw, and **** the dead animal down his throat.
Dir smiled as he continued paying no attention to the atrocities, but instead paid attention to the Republican debates going on. "Good, the system is **** broke and needs all the people it can get. Ah crap, I'm late for a meeting with a talent scout. SEE YOU OUT THERE BROS AND BROETTES!" He said as he opened the door, looked at a person that looked like a cross between Justin Beiber and the Joker.
"Well, well, well! I heard my name and I just had to look around to see what all the commotion was all about! Would you like to see a magic trick!?" Joker Beiber asked with a glimmer in hate in his otherwise joyful expression. He waved his hands wildly in front of him.
"What the **** is this ****!?" Dir asked heatedly as he tried to push past the annoying clown like celebrity. "Uh, guys, need a little help here?" He asked the midget and the bestiality practicing necrophiliac. The two rushed to the door, but they didn't like what they saw. Joker Beiber had summoned twelve eerily floating Tails Dolls, each sown on smile looked a bit more demented than the last. T
he blood stains glowing like some horrible night light. "Well, what's with the stone faces!? WHY SO SERIOUS!?" Joker Beiber shouted in grim tones, flinging his hands forward, commanding the Tails Dolls to do their worst.
And they did.