The story so far:
I lay back on my slab and nibbled on one of the not-so-freshly severed testicles. It was the smaller of the two and proved to be a bit of a struggle - like beef jerky with grissle or week-old calimari on a shoe string. The taste was grand and I savoured every chew. I knew what it would do, and I readied myself for the history lesson of a lifetime. I needed to know. My plan demanded I know.
As I closed my eyes, the mosaic of a rounded earth danced in the atmosphere and caused the rest of space to appear as nothing more than cheap costume jewelry. This planet was the focus of billions of years and I had watched over it seemingly forever.
At first, my intentions were honorable. One day I wasn't and the next day I was. One day I was just a twinkle in the eye of the almighty and the next I was spoken into existence. I was in awe of him and his power and of the spectacle that lay before me. I was one of an innumerable host that praised him for his purity and power. We were needed, we were special and we were appreciated. For eons, I was happy and content in my role and then came the day when "they" were made.
Earth was a special place before "they" arrived. It was virgin and alive. It wasn't like the rest - cast offs and chunks of matter - it had purpose and you could sense its importance. It was also the biggest zoo in the world with the most exotic of all life forms - Dinosaurs! What wonderful creatures they were - as big as mountains, as fierce as meteors, as proud as...Lucifer.
He was our spokesman, our hero. When "they" were made everything changed. Everything had to accomodate them. At first we thought they were just cute little dolls. Nothing more than children's toys. Brutish for sure, especially the first ones, but then the almighty blew his breath into them - those two in the garden and that set off the chain reaction. Lucifer rallied us. "He never breathed his life into us! We who have been here from the beginning deserve better than this! We demand our freedom. This should be our abode, not theirs! I will be like the most high. I will lead you in fairness and we will make mankind pay!"
Oh, how we cheered. I was still yelling, "Yes, I will follow you!" when I found myself hurled out of heaven and falling like a shooting star straight for ...
It was so long ago. We rallied and Lucifer divided us into four armies. North, South, East, and West. He set up a central command and passed down the orders. I was Lord of the East.
Back then, being Lord was a good thing. I reaped the benefits as we harrassed, tormented, confused, slaughtered, and raped mankind. They were so weak, so pliable, and oh so succulent. We bred with them and created giants and watched as our sons and daughters corrupted the sons and daughters of the almighty. What fun we had at least until the great deluge. Even we laughed when that guy started building his boat. But that's a different story.
As Lord of the East, I was in the front lines. My main mission: Seek and destroy the Messiah. No one knew the almighty's plans, but we knew of the Messiah. And the most important thing we knew about him was that he wasn't coming to help us. Oh, no. On the contrary. He was going to come and end our play. We had to find and chop off the root of this great tree that would come and cover everything with its branches. We found the root, and we even chopped it off. Hell, we dug it up and burned it - but it didn't matter. That was one tough tree, those Israelites.
Along the way we learned a few things: Never underestimate your opponent; mankind is not as stupid as they look, and never think that a grand idea can't be effected using the basest of raw materials.
Take, for example, Gideon. This guy was so scared of the Midianites that he was hiding in a wine press threshing wheat. What a dolt! When one of the almighty's messengers told him he was a "man of valor," he almost wet himself. But that guy led three-hundred against thousands and beat them. Those Midianites were never the same. Pity.
We put a lot of time and effort into making them some of the best. You see, if you can make a whole nation believe a lie, and give them enough power, they just might influence the other nations that they subdue. We had the tree right where we wanted it. They were inter-marrying and bowing to gods other than the almighty. If we could corrupt the root then the Messiah couldn't come.
We worked every angle. Kill them, enslave them, corrupt them, water them down and build them up with pride. But we finally came up with the best idea. Give them religious leaders that supposedly represented the almighty and have them come up with rules that couldn't be kept. No one would be safe from their judgement. No one.
The rest played out like a beautiful dream. We worked up those pious ninnies to such a frenzy that they would have nailed him to the tree themselves if the Romans would have let them. The dream turned into a nightmare though. He got up, brushed himself off, and went straight back to the throne. But before he left he cloned himself a million times over. We stamped the fire and it spread quicker than you could say, "Damn!" What a plan. We'd forgotten about the breath - the spirit. He can be anywhere and everywhere. Anywhere and everywhere? Anywhere and everywhere!
I awoke from my trance and rubbed my cock till I shot a load on the floor. I didn't need the distraction of demonic libido hampering the execution of my plan. I called for a runner and he quickly entered my quarters.
"Yes, Lord?" he sniveled. He sniffed the air obviously picking up on my discharge. He glanced curiously in the direction of the floor, and then nervously looked back to me.
"Bring me the book of names."
"Every volume, sire?"
"No, just this year."
He looked once more at the floor, snorted, and ran out. Piss ant! I watched him run and thought about all the others that would be running once the holy spirit entered their domain. Talk about premeditated pentecostal pandemonium!
Once I had the book, I could locate my family. Once I knew where they were I would get them to the gulf - the great chasm. From there, the spirit could lead them out. I would need an ally though - someone who would like to munch on Samyaza's remaining spunk sack and who might possibly want to munch on mine too. I walked into the common room and scanned the common faces.