All Comments by wsells

Excellent! I liked everything about your chapter except that it shouldn't have gotten that far :-)

For me, at least, sometimes I get a destination in view and have to get there no matter what. Don't get me wrong, you did a fantastic job of building to the end. Wonderfully written - like Shadinahnahnah said, "Chills!" went down my spine too.

One thing I would have done as the character is to ask the parents "Why? What kinds of things has he been saying?" Or, "Really? How has he been scaring people?" The "concerned" teacher would ask instead of saying "No, we just had hot chocolate. Goodnight."

That scene could have played out an entire chapter. It could have been slowed down to a coffee-sipping, sweat-dripping, eye-darting, throat-clearing, awkwardly intense moment, where she doesn't know what to think - and the crowd could have even made it to her house. She could have excused herself and made the call - and then disappeared or whatever.

Cancel last (1 week 3 days ago) Can't continue. Projects to do. On leave/gone fish'n/later baby. Bye all and all the best.

Sorry folks - can't finish or start or whatever...have some other projects cooking. All the best to you!!!

Yeah, it was a "nooner."

never mind - saw the answer in the rules

Excellent lead Shadinahnahnah! It makes me want a lot more - I really want to know what her job is, why she needs to escape and why the kid thinks she's a goner. Creepy yet sweet in a creepy sweet kinda way :-) 4.75 but a 4.5 on here.

Question - if we want to mash someone else's first chapter and have it count for the contest then should we wait till the second round begins?

Piffle! This is too good. Rainy days and mondays; Silverstein and Hitchcock; Piffle and dammit; martini's and dorito's; two glasses; two people; too many ways this could go. Piffleful! Masterful! 2.5 + 2.5

lol

thanks, Ben!

working on next CoC install

"Bong!" You definitely did your research on fire starting. lol Great chapter - very intense - as was said the pacing kept me hanging on every word.

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel protruding from his crotch and says to the quizzical looking bartender, "Arrrgh, it drives me nuts!"

I'm hanging on to the front of my pants till you get to the room, amigo! Anita cold shower.

I finally got a chance to hit this and it's on hold - but a good hold. You kept the mindset (or whatever) right along with Nash's last. I can't seem to write that way. Excellent.

Sweet! Love it, Foo! The tutoring thing is much better than them actually doing the deeds (where I thought this was going originally). Bravo! I'm hooked too.

Great job Cheese! I really liked that she started shooting pics before the door opened. Very realistic.

Oh, my! Then I will do it again and again and again.

You taking this one, Cheese?

You're up! Not sure what Cheese is doing but appreciate his input.

Don't change a thing! It's outstanding from Z to A!

Excellent, Houl! Sorry it took so long to get back to you. An SM Epic! It's a "Smepic!" What a great idea. Some awesome writing from everyone.

It is - you poor soul. I had expected better :-)
Added to CoC too.

Excellent leave, Cheese! Way to go and get her going!

I spelled Gandhi wrong...again!!! :-)

Thanks. It was soley about keeping Julie off balance and then getting her to trust. Shooter had her on the ropes and wanted to keep her there to eventually make her point about utter control versus shooting the guy. I think Shooter's a little bizarre and her sense of humor is the same.

Hey Cheese and HoneyG! Thanks for the props. Glad to see you're still plugg'n away. Lots of changes to the site - no doubt due to you guys, and Dog and Nash. I gave myself a 4.5 just because I could! :-)

CoC updated with "Tit for Tat"

Beautiful - the title, the names, the description of the house, the last line, hell - every word.

Thanks, Lex! It's good to be back. Nash has a way of compelling people to get off their feet and sit down on their asses :-) Or, something like that. Stop picking your nose and type something??? Anyway, drop me a line and let me know how things are going on your end.

Oh, and the handcuff "C's" is perfect!

Hey Nash! Thanks for hitting me up and for hitting this. I'm with Rocklee - you had me - let me go and had me. But you said it wasn't perfect - so why look for perfection.

What I really liked was the transition - smooth. You picked it right up where it left off. I'm prejudiced in that I had a course for this to take. But let's see where Shooter takes it.

Wow! This story has mushroomed. Good thing there were only ten commandments :-)
You handle first person so much better than I do, Lex. I can really sense Adara's struggle especially when it comes to protecting her daughter.

You must have read Dig, Set, Spike, Block, Serve!!!!
:-)

I left you a little something just for fun. Enjoyed yours, Nash, as usual.

Great job, Nash. I knew it as soon as I read it. Thanks for all your feedback too. You are a non-judgemental gentleman and worthy to become a judge. Well done!

Hey OS! Good to hear from you - you're still one of my SM favs!

Thanks, Persephonie. It's an intensly fun story to work with. So much there but you can only write one chapter. Ahhh! I wish I had the time to do an epic like Dog does (part I and II) lol. I only have little windows of time to crank anything out. Thanks again.

Thanks for the feedback, Dog. I agree with you about the teenager. I think in my mind he was 18 and that she would call him a boy from her perspective, but i didn't say it. Never did I have in mind he was less than 18. And, as you said, there's no need for it other than the cheating. Thanks, again.

Daggone, Nash!!! I don't even want to put mine to pen now. Excellent development in character and story. Spinetingling! Gut-wrenching - I could feel her pain. Somebody cut this guy a check and get him outta here!

Congrats! I finally got a chance to read your chapter. It's a wonderful story, and I hope you continue it for publication. Anyway, my wife is a bruja of sorts. If she dreams with dark/dirty water someone close dies or falls very ill. Other dreams mean other things. It's happened too many times to mock. Family members call her before making big decisions. She's spooky but I'll keep her. Congrats again and please continue this on your own.

Congrats H.G. Wells and HotDiggityDogDeity! :-)
You both have given a lot to the site already. I wish you all the best.

No, that's okay. I'm sure it is what it is, but thanks for offering. I'll just sit here quietly and "sniff" get through it with "sniff" dignity and j&%@()_#ks*0#@ grace.

Good job, Houl! You stepped up and delivered and certainly deserve the honor. Keep up the good work.

Congrats, Shadow! You spawned a new horror classic, "The Attack of the Paper Mache' People!"

"Run, darling, run! Wait, use your lighter! Use your lighter!"

Way to go and thanks for sticking around.

H.G. Wells! M you did a great job throughout. It would be very difficult to pick your best but luckily it was done for you. My personal fav throughout OC was your "When a Zombie Smiles." Congrats!

Sorry, TBH, we had a kitchen fire and had to relocate for 6-8 weeks. With work and all it has been hectic. I had Advantage in my brain for weeks and finally found time to spell it out. Thanks for the offer. I would like to, when I can get to a puter (I'm at work now) and have the time.

No, but it sounded good, didn't it? :-)
How you doing Cheese? Really enjoyed your output for OC. You rock!

How come I didn't make it in? Same score as Acee 3.9, same # views, same # of votes...Waz up?

AHA! I've had a battle-scarred heart too! Also got trench-mouth from a girl once :-)

lol

I don't know about what NA said but I like your stuff JOAT's. Good job - made me think of the desolation of war, but the important thing is it made me think. That's important, I think. :-)

Thanks J.O.A.T.!

gee, that's novel - a 1 star vote and no comment. Wanker!

Sweet, Nash! Oriental Trading Co. rocks. I always find something I don't really need but have to order. Love the story - you get right into the character and the mystery.

Hey Allie: The October Chill story is just a group of SM folks who wanted to take one chapter and branch it off into multiple lines - each person started their own branch and the others added to it. It's just for fun. I guess none of us (or maybe only me) realized it would dominate the voting board. It did because we constantly read each others chapters and voted. The new contest sounds like a fairer deal. Good luck and I look forward to reading your stuff.

The Message #8 is done. What a discipline this has become. Ididn'twannaIdidn'twannaIdidn'twanna yet I did. It's flakey but I did it! It has been a pleasure working with you guys and I wish you all lots of money for your efforts. There's more up and down in the scoring than with hookers on a holiday, but it's been fun. Ahhh! I still have two more to go...Idon'twanna!

Beautiful! What a great turnaround - intense and sweet! 5555555!

Finally catching up - way to take this to another level. I could smell the acrid apples and his panic! Great job!

HoneyGloom Wells? Wow - this is one of my all-time favorites. Great job! Very erotic/suspensful/believable/and fun.

Oh, mannn! Just when I thought I had a handle on this one I got tabasco in my eye. Great twist to Nash's turn.

...a gun and a soul, WW!
Your writing is superb, Nash. The neighbor, lack of kids (duh), the kids begrudgingly taking the candied apples - all excellent pictures.

Just catching up - what a turn! The sheriff is a demon, dog!!!

When I first saw this I wanted to ask is this for real but didn't have the balls. Glad it's a story. You really nailed it. Very intense.

Cooool!!! Fulfill! Fulfill! Excellent direction and storytelling - somehow you get rushed though (I know the feeling). Your thoughts and sentence structure are much clearer in the beginning and tend to get clipped near the end. Gave you a five for story!

Gee, an expert. Dude ain't punctuated **** and he's harping on you. Write a chapter, mister!

The story is intact though and really moved along. I like how Henderson bolted - would have done the same. Good job, again with a truly difficult storyline.

What the ****, over! LOL You reminded me of my days in the Air Force.

Excellent follow to a confusing situation. Still doubts as to who this preacher is. On to the next...

Thanks, WW! For me, this was the hardest chapter to date. The ones before it were so twisted and so powerful, their scale was really difficult to get a handle on. LOL I did take one of my wife's vitamins!?!?! Am I being manipulative? And yes, I know it's right down your alley, but you'll have to wait your turn. :-)

Oh, and great job Nash. You didn't miss a beat in creating this other world. Superb!

Oh, my. If anyone wants me, I'll be in my thinking chair with Blue. This is a real hard on...I mean...hard one.

Wow, Dog! Bow wow! You wow, I bow! Definately a mindbending journey. The cola certainly didn't drown the Captain the night you wrote this. :-) I haven't read Nash's yet, so am hoping it will leave me at a place I can fathom. That bedroom was getting a little too crowded.

Kevin:

I, for one, do not want you to be objective - I prefer your creativity. I apologize for my feeble attempt at apologetics and as Jim said, it wasn't the forum. Sorry, Kevin. I love your writing and really wish you'd reconsider. I personally plan on blowing the **** out of a church in a future installment. :-)

Bill

Welcome back, gas and all! LOL
You spun this out of control and right to where it needed to be. Love the description of the baseball picture.

Way to move this puppy forward with genuine suspense. Great dialogue, and realistic insight into the Amish mind. Fiver!

My two cents - Christian and Catholic are two completely dichotomous words, thoughts, and beliefs. Catholics cannot be anything else but Catholic. The Pope rules and they do what he says, even if it means killing someone for their beliefs. It happened. It's a fact. The political machine of Rome dictated its policy and it was carried out brutally. This machine is in no way indicative of Christianity. It was not sanctioned by Christians. It was sanctioned by Catholics because they recognize the Pope as God's authority. Christians do not. Christians who did not submit to Papal authority were also killed.

So, in conclusion, I submit to you that your anger is justified, your disbelief is understood, your faithlessness toward Jesus is natural given the circumstances of what you perceive to be Christianity. But it is exactly your perception that is grounded in the same untruth that caused the Inquisition and the Crusades. The Catholic church is not the church. Catholic does not mean Christian.

Excellent chapter, Lex. Can't wait for the book!

Story #1 chap 5 done. Thanks again, Dog!

Sure is a road "trip." I like the phone/hat conflict and have always been a big Doors fan. Keep your eyes on the road and your hands upon the knife...

LMAO - Yeah, every time the denarii clinked in my treasury my kids thought I was putting money in their piggy banks.

I beat the game as the Julii Romans. I'm playing as the Parthians now. Shogun (the Japanese Warlord version) was a lot of fun too.

True. And it was me that switched it - Doh!

BTW - I'm playing Rome-Total War. It's not real time except for the battles but pretty fun. Nothing like sending in flaming pigs against Hannibals elephants.

I don't know if you do it but I've always battled with tenses - changing my viewpoint over and over.

"The preacher removes his wide-brimmed hat and places it on his chest" as opposed to "The preacher removed his wide-brimmed hat and placed it on his chest." Which is correct or better?

Anyway, was glad when you were considered for a spot and said so when asked who should join. Welcome aboard! PS. We're not too strict in our scoring - a well written story is a great reward.

Good job and welcome aboard.
I just read one of my stories and found a gazillion "just's" in it. It's just embarrasing. You know, sometimes it's difficult knowing how dark it is until someone turns on the light.

love love love :-)
Don't know how this passed me by. As sick as he is in other stories I would have never thought about this angle. But with that leave he's still thinking about it???? Great research!

It's funny, some Bible scholars do (and I have to agree)actually believe that Adam wasn't the first created man but that he was the first created man given the breath of life from God - given a soul -like you said. Makes sense because who did his children marry?

Thomas - you have to WRITE in order to become a BETTER writer. Comments don't count.

Nash - have a nice trip and hurry your balls back here, bud.

"But it was short lived" - there sure is lot of that going around. :-)

I read this a while ago but didn't have a chance to comment. Do you dictate your stuff? It just flows from head to key just like you spoke it. Are you in one of those headgrabb'n wheelchairs where in years past you had to have a pencil in your mouth to type but now you've got the eye-laser model? Sheeet mon, you turned this into another epic. Excellent pacing and this dudes insides are all over the page. A++

Oh, you didn't!?!
Love the dialogue - ladies, maggots,
and the action. Great, great leave!

I thought you moved it along fabulously, answering the who, what, when, and why - but where is the where??? lol That's the rub. And who's at the door? Excellent.

...and he hates everybody and everything!

"...I could feel it, hear it; Anxiety shot up within my chest, severing what little composure I had regained with a single, deathly snip of the scythe."

Beautifully written! You captured the two of them just right.

The feasting moved a whole lot closer. LOL Esophagus of Gerrymander sure beats bar nuts and pickled pigs feet. Great job and now I'm up without a clue. Tanks!

Don't you just love the votes with no comments?
Maybe I'm mishearing/misunderstanding. ;-)
Anyway, I had to read it a couple of times and damn if it didn't finally sink in. You are so subtle that I almost (Squeak) missed it. Great job keeping the pacing and inner conflict going and leaving it at a mash point that could go anywhere.

Masterful! I couldn't even imagine following the bombs that Dog wrote, but you did it seemingly effortlessly. I really like the back story, and it was placed perfectly.

think you are a golden mine
which in hope a thief will find
rob you tho you are not blind
til there is no value inside
side you see side you dont
views you have to be explored
mind is theirs,mine and yours
I cant wait til it explodes

Powerful, dude. Many visuals and interpretations
More more!!

Ohhhh, mannnn! Sorry WW! I take full responsibility :-) but it's really Dog's fault - he didn't construct a chapter, he created an event!

Between that and a crying baby, the two-year-old needing to go potty, and a thirsty five-year-old, I was overwhelmed.

"Holy" ****!!!! So much tension/conflict and so many questions...Is there a 2.3?

Ditto on the crowd comment by Honey G. Really flows well and felt like I knew them all. great page turner, Dog.

"...and the emptiness of an unfulfilled life playing hopscotch on his senses."

"give him my warmest regards." burning booze - devil's hell - - - sweet!

Thanks Psych - When I read your draft I felt his depravity swing in a slightly different direction. Had to take a shower and then hope you didn't change it :-)

And thanks, Honey G.!

"People just don't give kids enough credit."
LOL

I need air.
My wife can't understand why I jump when something unexpected happens in a movie (You couldn't see that coming? Yes, but I wasn't watching - I was there!)
I'm going outside for a few minutes, light up, and come back. Thanks, Dog!

This chapter is a great beginning for a novel. Is it hot in here or is it me lol lol lol the title kills me. Anyway, a character worth expanding.

Please close the window 'cause this draft is killing me. Please don't change a thing!

"Cleanse myself like I did my girls." Good God!
I think this string has the most mentally disturbed character of the bunch, and you sucked me right in, Nash. Five-a-lous!

Excellent follow-up! Your pacing and attention to detail make it an easy read. It has been a long time since I used a Micro "Fish" machine. Brought back memories. The sinisterness (is that a word?) of the preacher gave me goosebumps. Good job!

Thanks WW!

Mash it, bro, and we'll all know - Muhahahaha!

No sweat, where I come from, we call that "breakfast."
Intense build up and great follow to Cheese's chap. You took him to a great place too!

"laughter rising up like vomit in my throat." That's an evil, evil, little laugh! Great twist with the mother-in-law - really ties things to him. Bad preacher, bad preacher.

I swear it was there the first time I read it :-)

Totally twisted!!! I truly thought I had boxed you into a corner, but you took it to another level all together. SPOOOOKEEEEY!

Thanks, gang! Yeah, Shadow - Sorry, I may have taken it too far, but if anyone can swing it safely to the next point, it's you. Smarm Smarm

Jeez - I have to follow Dog and the kids are at the back door!!!

**** - I just found out I have to follow you on this - not fair not fair not fair!!!!!
I call Re-graph!!!

Just catching up with everyone - Um, undeniably the makings of a truly great story unto its own.
Made me think about all the selfish things I've done, which could have put my family in danger - from flipp'n people off on the road or letting my wife go to the store at night even after I said I'd go. You made his annoyance come alive.

This could go in a lot of directions. Great job!

I love this family. You make them live and I'm not just talking about the last line. :-) I'm playing catch-up reading everyone and I actually called home from work after reading this one - just to say hey and hear the little monkeys.

"My toes and feet are bruised, dented and stubbed from walking into and on, the hundreds of kid’s toys that litter the floor of our home. I refuse to pick them up." Just one of my favorite snippets - that and the Stone's shirt.

"..where she waited with a meat fork." Love it!
I guess we both love bacon.
Great set up!

I wonder who was on the news besides dinner?
Great set up!

He forgot the candy bowl...
That part killed me and set the whole thing up. Just a few seconds and we're off on a whole different slant. Great job!

This is one of the most compelling chapters I've read in a long time. It's like I got a pre-chill of what could possibly come from this storyline. I could hear the "swush" of the sword - not now but later!
Wonderful research - had to look it up Denver NC.
Great story.

"Drunk already." That set the stage for me - that and the parking space, and the old guys not paying attention - like everything is out of his control. Great job!

Great slant - I really liked "The sound of giggles squeezed its way through the cracks of the closed door like whisper from the grave."

Oooh. Sent an October Chill through me. I really liked the way the place was brighter and the air was easier to breathe once he left. Excellent!

Something wicked this way came and smacked me in the ****! Very nicely done and a great springboard.

I'm done too, and like Shadow, I have to catch up on what everyone else has written.

I'm working on chap 1. Just let me know where I fit in for the rest.

forget last comment - I get it. Duh!

holy moley - just getting over strep and haven't even read any stories -sheeeeeeeet mon! Which path?

Cool - Have fun, gang. This should be a treat!

I feel sooooo red-headed and two steps down from a step-child. Please hit me if you need an alternate. But only if you want to. No pressure. No commitment. Call me...I'll just be here watching and waiting and ready to fill in if anyone can't, you know, perform. Kind of like a porno stand-in - "Hey, Sub-Dick! Get in there!" Thanks.

Thanks, OS. Looks like we had different ideas from the same angle - or something like that. Anyway, enjoyed yours too. It's like The Hobbit meets White Noise.
"What has its gots in its pocketses?"
"DEATH!"

Yeah, probably. I was trying to show the contrast between a wasted juvenile life complete with Dr. Seuss stuff and the more mature soul-based Bardic life trying to pull away from the former. I think :-)

You spooked me so much I had a chapter squeak out of me. It was fun to add to BTW and gave you a five.

Thanks, I just wrote you. Look forward to hearing from you as long as it's not about joining AMWAY, Primerica or Quixstar ;-)

Congrats to the winners -

yeah dog, thought Becoming a Man was a top runner - but like the rest of us got ax'd down like the last spruce in december.

Don't follow the contest much - no time - but glad to see it go to those I follow most - Honey's great with everything - Psycho rocked and spooked me and Dog could write a phonebook for Tokyo in a half-hour and make you want to read more.

Writerwannabe, Nash and Shadow are up next!!!

Write on.

I'm not one to be able to critique, even though I do critique (I'm just not able), but I'd feel confident enough to tell you that your writing is superbly enjoyable.

cool - sorry it took so long to finish but I was slammed over the weekend with stuff to do - and then it came out in a whoosh today - hope it makes sense and works with what you have in your wristbow.

Good question - at the start that's all they had and enough to charge with until they had more. The charge was most appropriate for the Doctor. Here's a definition ...

One important feature of a conspiracy charge is that it relieves prosecutors of the need to prove the particular roles of conspirators. If two persons plot to kill another (and this can be proven), and the victim is indeed killed as a result of the actions of either conspirator, it is not necessary to prove with specificity which of the conspirators actually pulled the trigger. (Otherwise, both conspirators could conceivably handle the gun—leaving two sets of fingerprints—and then demand acquittals for both, based on the fact that the prosecutor would be unable to prove beyond a reasonable doubt, which of the two conspirators was the triggerman). In order to achieve a conviction on charges of conspiracy, is sufficient to prove that a) the conspirators did indeed conspire to commit the crime, and b) the crime was committed by an individual involved in the conspiracy. Proof of which individual it was is usually not necessary.

Hope that helps and thanks for the props.

Beautiful. He feels for her but still has hope - too bad it's about to get worse. HAHAHAHAHA!

Reminds me of a Twilight Zone episode where everything is a prop like the tasteless chips - they find out they're in a dollhouse and a giant kid comes to play with them. I thought about writing a similar thing here but making it like he's in a computer game - my kids play dressup Barbie games etc and reminds me of that - accessories on accessories off - fingers, props, dogs, cars. what say, Psycho?

Hell with it - won't just let me copy so on from here....

Okay - was going to do it last night but got sidetracked - btw spell check thing was a joke cause we both spelled Gandhi "Ghandi"

Your chap 4 would be great - I'm wearing short sleeves...

Cool - should I stick BIG Gandhi (spell check complete) in after Waiting for Gandhi?

Good God MAFA!!! You're fun to read, Dog! A five for five-o comin

Have you done time, long "I" name guy? The mystery of the out of town cops lends another angle to look into. Great job!

This is really called, "Big Gandhi," but I'm an idiot.

It shows. Can't do that here. Our computers crash quicker than heroin booters.

Cool - BTW thanks for the note on The Wall - appreciate it. It's actually something I didn't write at work with the boss snooping and the phone ringing and clients clamoring and....

I feel like most of the stuff I write here is condensed into a nuts hell just to publish as quickly as possible.

diggin this, guys - keep clockin in

"for just a dollar a day." Great line!

Thanks, long "I" name. The idea (in my mind) is a man (kills his wife and claims that he contracted someone (our hero) to do the deed. He plants evidence, etc. It's revenge for something (feels he got ripped off in a car deal) mundane, but doesn't care what happens to him as long as the other guy goes down. Maybe he's got terminal illness or just doesn't care - I don't know. 2nd chapter is up.

I enjoyed everything so far - I don't think I could take it any other way from any other point - except maybe to avoid the time warp thing with cobwebs in the bar, deserted streets etc. I'd hoped you were answering that puzzle. Otherwise, the Nuts Hell factor is easy to play on. Thanks for the props and appreciate any feedback on my other stuff.

love your story - had to give it a shot - hope it hit home but if not look forward to your chapter four

thanks - got an idea, but who knows - someone (you?) could jump in and take it in a way I never dreamed.

Bravo! Bravo! Bravo! Wonderfully done. Congrats to the both of you for a stellar story.

Thanks folks - I wanted to twist the end more but didn't just in case you had one