Discussion of "Elephant Walk - 2" by writerwannabe

Total suspense! I can't wait to see what happens so I gave you a 5 to keep you going:)

Brilliant! Totally unexpected dude. (And explains the horses)
‘The Long Walk’ is one of my all time favorite short stories.
Of course, it’s only a theory at this stage…right. Could be another diabolical tactic to throw my thinking off course. (like the WW2 reference in chap1)
What will you do next??
Its funny, and I can mention this now because I loved these new Chapters so much…but I was slightly annoyed that you were not 100% focused on the ‘Second Coming’ storyline. I was like…”How dare he churn out new work before continuing that one? How selfish could one man be?”
But it’s all good now man. I really like the mystery here. (Along with RVN 2)
Keep up the great writing!

As a side note…There’s a story by author Wilbur Smith named ‘The leopard hunts in darkness’, (part of the Ballantyne series),…and at the beginning there is a group of poachers that drive a heard of Elephant to an open range, where they then slaughter them all and remove their Ivory. Brutal. Reminded me of this situation a little.
Additionally, if you google ‘Elephant Walk’ you get some mighty interesting definitions.
Looking forward to the next installment!

I have never read that Wilbur Smith story but I do, somewhere in the back of my mind, recall a similar story. No, "The Long Walk" was definitely the muse for this story and it is one of my all time favorite short stories, too. I really can't tell you where the title "Elephant Walk" came from...lol...it was just..there! You know, I am concentrating more on "The Second Coming" than anything else. I just haven't published any or it on storymash. The only reason I can offer is that I'm seriously working that storyline into a novel and, well....kind of want to keep it 'under wraps' for awhile, you know? I'm very please that you like it!!

**Jared and Raphael, walking toward the rear of the group were under no illusions.
-Missing punctuation. You need a comma between group and were - or reorganize the sentence to read: Jared and Raphael were under no illusions as they walked at the rear of the group.

**The first shot was felt, more than heard, at the front of the column.
**"Rafe, I know what that was but I ain't gonna turn around to confirm my suspicions,"
-Orientation problems... I'm not sure why he would turn around if the first shot was to the front.

The quality of the dialog takes away from the development of the story. All the **** and **** start to get in the way of the story's flow. That it's "in character" for the guys doesn't bother me - but it feels over-the-top.

Ha, ha. You have read The Long Walk! Points to me for getting it right away. I love Stebbins in the Long Walk, how King fools you into thinking he's going out first.

Yes I'm still enjoying this. The pace has dropped a fraction but I'm sure you will pick things up!