Discussion of "Biker's Haunt" by writerwannabe

Not normally the sort of thing I'd read, since I prefer subtlety - which this ain't! - but I had to read it through because I've noticed you can write. Your voice for these people seems solid and real, and you make the scene very visual for me. One thing I would like to see a little more of, though, is body language and facial expression, the little subtle things people do that say a lot. There I go with subtlety, but I hope you can understand what I mean. For instance, when he heard all that stuff about haunting, did Skull's eyebrows go up or did his forhead furrow, stuff like that.

Thanks, Silver. You're right, I do tend to leave those subtle expressions and body language out, especially when I'm writing something fast. I will surely work on that and thanks to comments like yours, I will become the writer that I wannabe...;o)

wwb, I'd private mail you if I could. I would appreciate if you would read/review my 'Monterey Jake of All Trades'.

I really want you to live up to your potential too... there are not enough writers for shows like WWE and Jerry Springer ohh and that one with Dennis Richards. I believe in you tiger!

With all due respect to WWB because this is a great chapter...this comment cracked me up! I believe in you tiger! classic.

WWB~ Wow bro, you nailed one here! Great characters and dialogue. I immediately had visuals and I even applied distinct voices to Skull and Trash. It’s hard to craft an entire chapter revolving around a conversation but you did it, and you did it well. You mixed the dialogue perfectly with the details and gave the reader an accurate portrayal of their biker lifestyle. I also liked how the main focus was not on the ‘haunt.’ Instead of rushing into it and trying to cram too much into one chapter you spent the time developing it. This leaves a world of possibilities open for a MASH. Great work.
I gave you f**kin’ 5.

Thanks, Dog...your comments are always appreciated and respected.

wow, wish I had read this earlier, its awesome. The characters are so life-like and the dialogue, so believable and real. I felt like I was there, watching these bad boys ****-talking with eachother. Dog had it right as well, the whole scene is presented very nicely. Definetly a five.

wow, ok i'm really confused! is rachel skull's woman or trash's? maybe i should just go to bed and let my brain rest. but ya, i like this piece, it's got great detail, a couple of dialog errors but way good!

Way cool...you really did go back and find this chapter! Thanks for that and thanks for the comments. Rachel is Trashman's woman...is there someplace where I confused you?