Discussion of "Black Converse" by writerwannabe

Oooooooh! A suck-ubus. I like your take on horror here, man. I think it was perfect to make him an average slob, not someone who appeals too strongly to the reader. Are you sure it was the shoes leading him along? Okay, maybe, until she opened the door. Great on the humor, too: "Hey, I can’t stop walking, please help?" I have to point out that it needs some editing for structure and I think a few of the less commonly used words are out of place with this character (A demon I happen to fight regularly). I'm sure this is for the H.A.C., but I might decide to mash it, just for giggles.

Okay, I have to make a couple of more comments. First, I like it. Second, talk about scaring the pants off!

Gods, you've activated the punster in me!

LOL...thanks, Silver. I had a hard time getting down to 2000 words. Originally, it was around 2400. I think I screwed the structure up a little when I cut it. More editing required, but I'm glad (and relieved) that you liked it...;o)

I know what you're talking about, there. I'm only just coming to truly be able to get vicious with tightening a piece up. But Storm Cat, for instance, really improved when I had to cut it down to under 4,000 from about 4,800. I'm a real believer in reading your own work aloud to hear where the problems you can't see are. Use a monotone voice, so you hear every little fumble where it doesn't flow smoothly. Even better, get one of those programs where the computer reads your text aloud (I always like to use the Stephen Hawking voice) and just listen, don't look. Used to be you could get one of those programs free off the internet, I'm not sure about now.

Relieved? I know no one is silly enough to think my opinion is worth a hill of beans when it comes to judging the value of their writing, so I assume maybe you were a little worried about the adult content? Knowing how people are, I'm sure storymash will probably have to set up a separate 'adult' section if many of us decide to publish stories with hanky panky in them. Mustn't let the underage (and the tight-assed) know that s-e-x exists, and especially mustn't let them think it isn't ugly and nasty.

Thanks, Silver. Speaking of Storm Cat...any new chapters?
I'm a musician and song writer. I know, very well, how different lyrics sound when sung versus just reading them and short stories/novels are no different..lol

A man has two heads but only enough blood to make one of them work properly at any given time and the wrong one working at the right time usually means trouble for the guy. Editing; sure it needs some, but i wasn't bored and our poor schlub just proves that all guys are dogs. We were made that way we can't help it, but still...we are all dogs.