He parked his Chevy Bel Air two blocks from his destination.  The car had initially belonged to his dad.  He'd bought it brand new off the showroom floor back in 1957.  Jerry was nine back then and he was as proud as a peacock sitting in the passenger seat when his dad drove the car home that first day. 

            His dad kept the car immaculate for the four years that he owned it, but when he died of a heart attack he passed the car to Jerry, his only son.  Jerry was still too young to drive it, at the time.  It sat in the garage, on blocks, the battery disconnected, for three long years before Jerry got his license.  That day, the day he drove it out of the garage, was almost as exhilarating as that first day in the car, seven years earlier. 

            Now, forty years down the road, the car was still flawless, still looking and running like new.  Oh, it had needed repairs along the way.  A new paint job was required ten years ago.  Jerry had spent three months looking for a body shop that still had the original paint in stock.  It had cost him a pretty penny, but he'd paid it gladly.  He knew his dad was smiling.

             He parked two blocks from his destination because the car was so damned conspicuous.  The shiny reddish-brown paint, the chrome and the brilliant white fins on the rear drew the eyes - those of strangers - but also those who would recognize the car and associate it with it's owner, Jerry Uhlander.  Jerry wasn't taking any chances on the car being seen too close to where he was headed.

             He took a circuitous route, staying just off the sidewalks and keeping as many bushes and trees between him and the road as possible.  He approached the establishment from the rear and peeked around the corner of the building, waiting for a lull in the traffic - created by the traffic light a block east - before quickly stealing along the side and into the entrance.  Just inside, in the relatively dark interior, he took a deep breath, relieved to have made it unseen.  At least as far as he knew, he'd made it unseen.  He ran through the route he'd taken in his mind again and was satisfied that he'd not been noticed by anyone that might recognize him. 

            Jerry was comfortable, but he wasn't confident.  He'd never been in a store like this and, until last night, had never even considered it.  The displays, the full shelves, the video screens were mind boggling.  He stood, just inside the entrance for at least three minutes, just looking around.  He realized, suddenly, that he was probably sticking out like a sore thumb for anyone in the store to see but he was temporarily paralyzed by the array of attention getting materials and goods. 

             The store, from the outside, didn't look all that big - about the size of a regular Walgreen's but, inside...  Now, that he thought of it, the inside was a lot like Walgreen's, too, with stuff packed in long aisles, hanging from the ceiling and along the walls; there were also tables scattered between the shelving, packed to overflowing with items that had been marked down in price.  Jerry hadn't a clue where to start.  Reminded, though, of his presence in the middle of the entryway by a man pushing past him and striding purposefully down the middle aisle, Jerry headed for the counter where a young woman was putting price tags on things.

             He stopped at the counter, hands in his pockets and looked around, avoiding the girl's eyes.  He was looking for a man, someone from whom he could get information and directions.  He swayed back and forth, softly whispering a country song under his breath, waiting for a salesman to make an appearance.  He was startled when the woman addressed him.

             "Can I help you, sir?"

            Jerry turned in her direction, but still avoided her eyes.  He didn't want to stare and he didn't want to answer her, either.  He was embarrassed.  The woman...well, to say she was a woman was likely a bit much, Jerry thought.  She couldn't be older than sixteen or seventeen.  Then again, she had to be at least eighteen to work here, didn't she?  She was dressed all in black - black jeans and a black bra covered by a lacy, see-through black blouse.  The blouse was opened at the neck to show a lot of gleaming white flesh to include the tops of two very well formed breasts.  Jerry realized he was staring at those very well formed breasts, cleared his throat and raised his eyes to her face.

             She was smiling at him through heavily made up eyes.  She had a nice smile, regardless of the heavy black lipstick and the two..what were those things...pins, diamonds sticking out from her lower lip?  She had another stuck into the side of her nose.  Her short hair left her ears in the open and Jerry realized he could see right straight through her earlobes!  Holes the size of quarters had been bored through her ears and black, plastic (?) rings made them perfectly circular.

            Jerry had to look away and mumble, "No, thanks.  I'm just waiting for a salesman."

            The girl looked at him and chuckled.  "Well, you might be waiting awhile.  I'm the only salesman you're gonna see here until after five."

             He glanced at his watch.  Three-thirty.  "Oh, well, maybe I'll just look around, then."  He stuffed his hands deeper into his pockets and turned to walk away.

             "Your first time, here?"

             Jerry involuntary turned.  He wasn't brought up to ignore people.  He looked over her shoulder and muttered, "Uh, yes...yes, it is."   

             "Come a little closer, I won't bite," the girl laughed.

             Like a robot, following a wireless command, Jerry stepped to within a few inches of the counter.  He continued to avoid eye contact and looked everywhere but at the girl.

             "Embarrassed being in here?"  She asked.

             "Well, I...no!  No, of course not, it's just that...."

             She leaned across the counter, both hands and elbows flat on it's surface and said, "Don't be.  Everybody comes in here.  Everybody has been here at one time or another - and, I do mean everybody!"

             His eyebrows shot up in amazement.  He leaned forward a little and then, quickly back again when he got a full view of her breasts - everything but the nipples and the undersides, that is.  Getting himself together, he said, "Do you mean everybody, as in - everybody or do you mean everybody, as in everybody that's somebody?"

             She gave him a queer look and then leaned farther forward and whispered, "Both!"

             Unbeknownst to him, Jerry's brain directed his back muscles to relax carrying his upper body forward again.  This time he stayed put and looking directly at her luscious breasts, he breathed, "Really?"

             The girl reached forward and grasped his forearms and whispered, "Yes, really. So, just tell me what you're looking for and I'll help you find it.  Okay?"

             Jerry came back to his senses and straightened up, pulling away from the girl's hands.  "Uh, well..."  He looked around before turning his eyes to the floor and quietly said, "I'm looking for some....some...prophy...uh....."

             The girl smiled and said, "Follow me.  I'll show where they are."  She slid around the counter and to Jerry's surprise, she again wrapped her hand around his forearm and pulled him forward.  He docilely walked along beside her, his arm tingling where her hand touched him and a light sweat broke out on his forehead.

             They hadn't gone far when she stopped and turned to face him.  Her back was to a row of shelves and she spread her arms, like bird wings, and said, "Here they are.  Every condom ever made.  We have everything from Trojans to Black Betty's, every color, every taste and every design from smooth sheepskin to ribbed latex.  What size do you need?"

             Looking up and down the row of shelves, Jerry was startled at her question.  "What size?  I don't under..."

            "Hey, the days of one size fits all are long gone.  Men have got to quit fooling themselves, you know?  We women know that size matters and the same goes for condom's.  Size matters.  Too small and it'll bust after the second thrust, maybe the first if you push too hard, too fast.  Too large and, depending on the viscosity and the wetness of the target, it'll slip right off and you'll have wasted the effort.  So, what size are you looking for?  I assume they are for yourself, right?" 

             Stunned beyond doing anything but standing there, Jerry didn't have an answer.  His brain synapses were shorting out, circuits sparking and spitting.  He simply stood there until the girl looked down at his feet and then, pulled his hands from his pockets.

             She held them up and examined the fingers.  Nodding, she asked, "What size shoe do you wear?"

             Jerry managed to look down at his shoes.  He raised his toes.  "Shoe?"

             A little impatiently, she replied, "Yeah, your shoes...what size?"

            "Oh - uh, eleven...eleven and a half."

             She nodded.  "What I thought.  Large."

             "Large?"

             "Yes, silly, large.  You need a size large condom."  She looked up at him and smiled. "That's good, by the way...you know, for the size matters thing."  

             Jerry nodded his head as if he understood exactly what she was talking about.  But, in actuality, he was thinking that he was in way over his head and that he'd better just get the heck outta there!  "I think...I think I've changed my mi...."

             She grabbed his arm and pulled herself up against him.  "Oh, no.  Listen.  You came in here because you needed condoms.  There's nothing to be embarrassed about, you know.  Why the mayor was in here just yesterday and he..."  she looked at him speculatively before continuing, "can you keep a secret?"

             "Uh...I don't....."

             She continued as if he'd sworn allegiance to all of her secrets now and forever, "he was looking for a strap-on dildo!"

             Jerry hadn't a clue.  "A...what?"

             The girl sighed and said, "Never mind.  Look.  You need condoms.  I'm here to help.  So, to make it easy for you.  We'll just go with the basic latex model, size large.  Okay?"

             He nodded.

             "Okay."  She turned and grabbed a pack off the shelf.  She took his arm and started pulling him toward the back of the store.  "Now, if you'll follow me, we'll get straight to the fitting."