Discussion of "Robin's Rabbit - 4" by writerwannabe

Half to three-quarters rough draft. Appreciate comments

Looking good so far, WWB. Love the description of Rose and the bond forming between her and Robin. Also liked the rabbit sensing danger. However, I would break up the text where you switch to the watcher's pov in order to give us readers a visual cue to the change. The plums part was brilliant as was the addition of new conflict/baddies. Can't wait to see this chapter finished!

Yeah, I thought the switch to the "the Watcher" was too abrupt, couldn't find the words for a transition...lol. I assume you're talking about a space break in the text? That's a great idea...;o)
Thanks, JD!

I think a space break would work, too, WWB. It would make the POV shift less jarring.

I also thought the jump back in time to the plum tree was a bit abrupt. But I love that the Watcher has a vice. Who would have thought it would be fruit?

The fruit bit is positively hilarious, and the twist on the rabbit's identity is delightful. Very clever, and an enjoyable read!

wwb! Okay, so there is definitely a lot more going on here in this chapter than we have yet seen. We now have a bad guy to add to the mystery. As well as a really good guy, who, if I picked up on your intention correctly, could in fact be the rabbit??? hint hint. ??
Terrific writing. I don’t feel like it held true to the overall flow of the first three chapters, however that’s not necessarily a negative critique, just an observation.
While I really liked the first three chapters, there seemed to be a cap forming as to how high the momentum could be built. (not a knock at all on the first three. Love them all) However, you have now added a few other dimensions for future writers to broaden this tale and deliver 9 chapters.
Bravo.
P.S. Reading this reminds me how much I love your style. I hope some day you and I, as well as some of the other darker minds, (like theblackhand), can get together on some ugly material. I loved the stuff we were doing with the serial killer and the cop. Can’t remember the titles…have to look back. Was some quality collaboration though I thought.