Discussion of "Elephant Walk - 3" by writerwannabe

The feeling in the pit of my stomach is real, dude. Wow! You really made me FEEL this. Great work! 5 from me, definitely!

I've been in prison. More than a lot. Maybe each day something reminds me of why i don't want to be in anymore. Smetimes i follow instincts. Sometimes i forget and there's all those times I could have easily been taken to the first step of that long and seriously "Can't look back" journey.

Today, it was this chapter i just read - reminding me about not wanting to ever see another line of men, dressed similarly, waiting to get in, to get out, to listen to what the **** over the loudspeaker has to say....

Great writing here. I'd follow up - it's just i can't figure what kind of prison...anyways, there really is only one kind.. Bad.

You absolutely have drawn us in from the very beginning of this excerpt. Through your narrative, you make us feel every moment of the story. Excellent.

WWB, this is downright brutal man!
Still not exactly certain what’s going on…what the point of this all is… Lowering the prison population? A new sport? Or maybe there isn’t a point other than a warden bent on violence.
Anyway you go, I’m captivated.
The bit with ‘gun’ or ‘fun’ was positively repulsive. I loved it. Especially because you get to see the face of the guards…and it aint so pretty.
It begs the question…who is bad here. Is it the confused, walking prisoners…who we can’t forget…are in fact PRISONERs and therefore have done some wrong against their society…or the nasty guards…who really, for all we know are themselves merely pawns in this scene that’s unfolding.
It is hard, at least for me, to draw a line and sympathize with one side or the other. But Im leaning toward the prisoners!
Looking forward to a continuation.
Another well deserved 5.

Thanks, all for the encouraging comments. I've been unable to write or much of anything for about the past week...but, now I'm back and eager to get back to writing. I think I'lll be able to answer most of the questions (dog) in the next chapter...well, maybe the one after that....lol

This is great... loved it... I'd love for you to try an add-on or two to some of my work... I don't think my vote registered unless someone removed a vote or something, I gave you a 5 but it still only shows 10 votes...

Thanks, Psycho...hopefully, they'll get the voting thing here fixed soon...;o). I've been tempted to mash some of your stuff but simply haven't had the time, lately. But, things are looking up...lol

I'd love to see where you could take some of my work... I just finished another starting chapter, I have so many ideas, just not enough time to get them all down...

Wow. I'd hate to walk these streets; I'm sure I couldn't build enough callouses without any footwear.

(I read all four chapters and this is the best of 'em. Rather than throw spoilers here, I'll comment on this and move to chapter 4 for those.)

I, too, love The Long Walk. It's a pet project to screenplay-ize it someday, though I don't want the work of getting the rights (if I even can). I like the ambiguity of the reason/culmination of the walk will be. The prisoners tell the story well. Great tension. Great individual moments. Great, all the way around.

same thing happened to you in the past hour... somebody 1-starred this... dropped from 4.8 to 4.6 with one vote... they really need to fix this system soon...

Ahhh... here's the story. The first two chapters could easily be condensed - here's where all the development and action comes in. The guard and the prisoner are really strong characters - they make Jared and Raphael unnecessary.

The guns were a bit confusing - is there a reason for different guards to be using different guns? Do some of them make a bigger mess? (I need to catch up on watching csi shows maybe...)

Actually, you completely lost me on this one. I'm right out of the story now. Sorry ;)