MrLightning...great 'seeing' you here again. Yeah, I drop in occasionally, but it's not the same anymore.

I just checked your blog...very well done, my friend...;o). You posted some of The Park here, didn't you? I think it'll be a great novel and I'll be looking for it come February!

Drop me a line when you get time and/or desire...lol.

lex.author@gmail.com

Ah...better...;o). Still a lot of tell, little show and in this chapter a couple of dropped words really affected how I read it.

You moved the story forward, however and left me (the reader) with a better understanding of how/why she left the pub. Not sure I understand how, at this point, she would be thinking all those wonderful things about a guy she'd just met and jilted...but....(shrug - delusion is good...lol).

Good ending for the chapter. We can only hope that the BMW driver turns out to be a confused geek and not the bad guy...that would be far too obvious, no? ;o)

Sorry...no clue where this connects to first chapter and not enough to make me want to know...;o(

I like the premise, but think there's far too much 'tell' and not nearly enough 'show'.

I'm a story guy and won't 'nail' anyone for a few typos, dropped words or grammar mistakes. It remains important, I think, for a writer to eliminate, as much as humanly possible, these kinds of goofs.

I like this story. I like how you've dropped little pieces throughout the story that together, give us a good start of getting to know Susie.

Now to read the next two chapters...;o)

OK...OK, I've gotten your point..;o)

Welcome to SM, WillowCreek! ;o)

First, allow me to echo my good friend, long-time fellow SMer and current occasional lurkers comments about finding a well written and thought out new story here...;o). Hi, JD!

Writing and/or identifying verisimilitude in stories is a particular quirk of mine...lol...and I would indeed argue that the interaction between the girls and Mr. Lamppost didn't ring quite true to character. I can't quite put my finger on it, right this minute, but I'll give it more thought and get back to you...;o).

Overall, like JD, I thought the writing, characterization and dialogue well done. I especially like all the 'show' and almost zero 'tell'...;o).

I'm a little bit confused where the storyline is going as you started with indicators about extrasensory perception / psychic powers and ended up with a stranger looking for spies to counter Mr. Cookie. Hmmm, I like the array of possibilities! ;o)

The idea of identifying a personal hero is to write about someone that almost everyone can identify with - good or bad.

Writing about a personal hero that no one outside your immediate circle knows is counterproductive as only a handful can identify with that person; regardless of how admirable and 'hero worthy' he/she is...;o) I have a hero in that regard, but talking about her on a public forum would not generate the same level of interest/response that a well known hero would. Do you see? ;o)

Hi Kirsten and Welcome to SM! ;o).

Totally trying to generate discussion, yes...lol The view on the inside is often very different than the view from the outside.

I appreciate, too, your comment reference Queen Elizabeth...the idea, though, was to express yourself in a subsequent 'chapter'. No matter, it was interesting, to the point and well written. Thanks!

Hi rico - doing well...very well, in fact...;o). The first book is published in both English and German, and the second is very close to being done!

Speaking of your agreement with me about religion...the trilogy I'm writing is all about that. If you're interested, here's a link:

http://www.amazon.com/The-Second-Advent-Disciples-ebook/dp/B004SHEV2E/

Thanks for the comment, great 'hearing' from you again...;o)

In following the exemplary example set by Nashvillebecker in his promise to write one chapter per month for the remainder of 2012 (a promise I've echoed); I've kicked off series titled "Who's Your Hero". I've got the first 'chapter' posted...who's next? Who will tell us who their hero(es) is and why?