So what's next, boss?

Thanks, Nash! One of the writing links you posted on the forums last week had a great piece of advice - and this a paraphrase - don't write for an audience of many; write for an audience of one. Although I hadn't read that little nugget before, I think that you were that audience. You staged the challenge and dragged all our asses back to the grind to meet it - so seriously, thank you!

I shouldn't say this, but the title incorporation was a bit of a fluke. After reading Agg's chapters, I knew that the Owners were going all-in (or all-out as it were) on A-City so it became an insurance scam. Blowing up the buildings and any evidence seemed to make sense. It was only as I was writing the last few scenes, and was typing the word explosion over-and-over, that something clicked.

Also, funny side note. I emailed Nash to ask for a character name for the demolitions man/chauffer who, at the time, I didn't expect to get any lines or scenes. He said, "We never see him and only get a fleeting reference? - Ethan".

Thanks everyone for the really nice comments. I actually found this chapter easier to write than others I've mashed. All the other writers in this story did amazing jobs on their chapters. Initially I read through the other chapters rather quickly, but when I was getting ready to write the final chapter, I re-read everything carefully and gained a new appreciation of the masterful jobs the other authors had done.

More specifically, Nash created a wonderful sandbox to play in, complete with a cast of fun characters and a heist plot to chew on. Foo fleshed out some interesting parallel stories and conflict character like Miss Kitty and The Hawke, and Cindy. Among his other contributions, Cheese threw in the enigmatic Bill who's way savvier than he seems. Agg intensified the character developments through longer interactions and kept the momentum alive. I think it was in her chapters that I really found Miss Kitty's voice, Charlie's intuitive skills and Bill's duplicity. And Honey ramped up the action for all the characters to push the story to its inevitable conclusion.

When I started writing, the scenes just kept coming, because I was having so much fun moving all the players around. Those scenes got to be too long,and as I continued, I started cutting scenes down which I hope made reading them less boring and increased the sense of tension. Not sure if it worked that way.

I also had to cut, and in one case rearrange, a few scenes that I thought were just dragging things out too long. There was a showdown scene between Charlie and his little gun and Bill and Reggie and their shotguns, which I thought would be cute and fun. Cut. Another scene was when Bill and Reggie lock Jimmy and Cindy in the vault - and during their conversation Jimmy finds out that Cindy hired him because she actually finds him funny. They grow closer, yada yada yada. Cut. Ethan follows Reggie and then makes him go to the Green Room where Missy adeptly tricks Ethan out of the carton, with a wicked Miss Kitty impression. Cut. I hope some of these scenes were implied by the contexts that were left in the narrative, but if not, mea culpa.

Rereading it, I can also see a number of places that should have been more concise, and other places that could have benefited from a little more color. I also let some things go that I meant to incorporate - Charlie's eye contact aversion for one thing, which I had a plan for (really!), but it got forgotten as went on. Also Charlie's gun, which had a fun role in the cut scene but he never really got to use it, which was a shame because the gun was prominently featured in two previous chapters. (Chekhov would not be pleased.)

Anyway, thanks again for reading it and for your comments. Always fun to write with you guys!

Let me get the good out of the way, because it's good. You've written a very readable chapter which added some nice background to the Wallace character. He's a working stiff, disgruntled, and not too pleased with the glory hounds. Really good stuff. But all this was in the first part.

The middle part of your chapter, I found, detracted far more from the story than it added. It's not that it was written poorly, because it wasn't. But to me it read more like a political commentary on the plight of divorcing dads in the GA domestic relations judicial system, and less like a scene to introduce new characters or additional depth to Wallace. It didn't seem to further the mystery or story in any way. So it became a bit tedious to read.

Then the last two paragraphs bring us back to the story and you added a phenomenal twist. Brenda's hand! What? Loved it!

Had you skipped the entire poker scene and the words "The next morning" this would have been a great (albeit short) second chapter and built fine momentum. As it was, you lost me for most of it. While it's nice to have longer chapters and more character/chess pieces to move around the playing field, it doesn't justify the inclusion.

A giant rule of writing advice (right up there with "show, don't tell") is "kill your darlings". (And I'm guilty of violating this rule as much as anyone.) It means that no matter how much you love a scene or character or plot point that you've written (and poured your heart into to boot), you have to look at it analytically and ask yourself - does this add to the story or not? Does this build story momentum or does it drag the energy down? Sometimes you have to kill it, no matter how darling it is. Doesn't mean it's bad, or poorly written, or not light and fun and chock full of literary cuteness. Nevertheless, it has to go.

Naturally, this is my own opinion and others may think I'm crazy. I'm no writing expert and certainly not a genius like some of the other writers on this site (pretend to be). But I hope you find my perspective and comments helpful for whatever they're worth.

There's some writers whose work never disappoints, and you're definitely one of them. Been a fan of yours since Spinning Redemption. (How long ago was that?) Anyway, this was a great opening chapter. Lots of great characters to work with. A mystery that can be taken in so many directions. No surprise that NB picked this one to kick his project off. Great job!

I'm a sucker for new twists on fairy tales, and your story did not disappoint. Well-thought out and beautifully woven together. I'll have to read more of your works!

Thanks cheese!

Last chapter is up. In 3 parts. (Got a little carried away.)

That's okay, my lap can handle it. I just finished reading and taking notes. HG, you left the story at a great place. (Though selfishly, I love reading your stuff so more would have been, well, more awesome.)
Sorry about the delay folks. I hope to have something cranked out within the week.