The late afternoon light seemed thinner then usual. The city itself crumbled in decay, heavy and depressing, the rot visible as if it wore shifting patches of parasites, or so it seemed at a distance through the meters of the polished glass. I climbed the long spiral stairs of what seemed a thousand steps, the world whirling away beneath me as if it sank into a sea of fog. I hardly noticed , my eyes focused on one beam of light, as if there was a lighthouse, warning travelers to beware. The world around me had become sluggish and I had become indifferent to it, obsessed with that one rectangle of light.

As I stepped into the room, for it was a room, I awoke, noting the sheer curtains blowing in my bedroom window. Yet the mist in my mind still lingered just beneath the surface. It was as if a part of me could see dim figures caught up in the age old rites of sex, blood and death. It was surreal as if I was some large cat perched above, my claws extended, teeth pointed and slick with blood. I could almost taste the wet iron filled substance.

Then the scene shifted and I was watching my younger self standing beneath an amber light, slim and blond, wrapped in a sleek pale dress, over cast by the amber light, turning the dress to blood, from hunter I had become the sacrifice.

The voice from the bathroom, caused the world to twist in a nauseated way, becoming normal, at the ordinary quest of my husband in search of his socks.

"I put them in your sock drawer this morning." As I pitched him a pair, I wanted to shout, "Where else would they be?" I wondered if my world would ever change.

"Sorry, my fault." He said coming out of the bathroom. He aimed at my cheek with a half kiss, "You're so good to me."He knotted his tie in the mirror, I wondered who he saw there. "Not dressed yet?" he said watching me through the mirror. I wanted to snap, "Isn't that obvious?" Instead I picked up the blue dress lying across the bed and headed towards the bathroom, how could I explain the fact, that I'd forgotten about the party.

"I know you'll like Miranda." he called over the sound of the shower. "Everyone does." "Everyone?" I wanted to question. Did that include the President, the Pope or even the Queen of England.I smiled as I pictured some faceless woman with an apple in her mouth being turned over a pit. Of course it would be an act of madness to say to my seemingly flawless husband. "Will she be served with wine or orange sauce?"

As I waited for my husband to bring the car around, I looked out across the city. From my point of view, it was quite an ordinary place, not shrouded in fog, no decaying corpses climbing the tower walls. Yet I could see these thing semi-imposed over everything else.

"Don't you think you should get in?" My husband said as he impatiently held the door open for me. Once again lost in that other place, I'd forgotten where I was, it was if I was caught up in some form of waken dream or should I say nightmare. "No," I wanted to say. "I don't want to go." Yet I found myself folded into the car as if my body had moved without the use of my mind.

"You can at least pretend to enjoy yourself." "Why?" I wanted to shout. "These parties are always a bore, just an excuse for to much drinking and sex." Instead I heard myself say, "I always enjoy Jame's parties."

Couldn't my husband tell I was lying. No, his gaze was on the road before him, for him in this moment I didn't exist, only as an extension of his own ego.

I felt like saying, "Charles do you know, I think I'm insane." He'd probably just nod and smile caught up in what ever fantasy he was planting, not realizing I'd even spoke.

So I shrugged, feeling some what alarmed at the extent I'd lost myself by becoming his wife. I'd go to this party, drink and smile, not letting anyone see the madness running wild in my blood tonight.Though I could feel the beast just beneath my skin.

The house we pulled up to had a big blue door, with overhanging terraces. The door opened, and the loudness of the party melted out into the street.

James led us down a long hall, the hall seemed to stretch forever, but the noise became louder, and ended in a large room with round windows.

We walked into the vastness of the crowd, the noise seemed to swallow us up. The crowd was made up of what we called our friends, and for two hours we drink , lied sneaked intimate touches hidden beneath the veneer of friendship.The beast lay dormant watching.

Finally the guest of honor, Miranda arrived. By then all the other woman looked like wilted roses from the heat and wine. She glowed like a new flame in that low cut red dress. The beast stirred as it caught her scent.

My husband bowed over her hand making an **** of himself, of course he wasn't the only one. Still I wasn't surprised later to find they both
had vanished.

James made the same suggestion I'd turned down earlier, I thought "Why, not?" He led me towards his bedroom, it somehow seemed fitting it was done in red.

As I undressed before the mirror I stared at the bottomless darkness of the beast.I felt like with each step I took I was coming closer to falling into that darkness. As for James he seem to float with an odd out of control lightness. Why should I care this wasn't real anyhow. The beast moved beneath my skin and my teeth actually itched as if fangs would sprout at any moment.

At the far end of the cavern was a bed, and I watched James lying on it and through the fog I wonder what had happened to his clothes. I felt the urge to laugh for he really wasn't impressive. "Come on baby, we don't have all night."

My gown puddled around my feet. I arched my back as he stared at my well kept body.As I crawled onto the bed my nose wrinkled as I picked up the smell of other woman on his unwashed sheets.

The beast stirred beneath my skin as he straddled me. "Are you scared?" he ask. I could tell he wanted me to be. "No," I almost purred as I rolled him over until I was on top.His eyes widen surprised at my strength or daring.

He didn't realize I was caught between two worlds and one world was coming closer. He grinned, "Charles never told me you liked to play rough." I licked along his stomach, "Charles doesn't know everything."

I could feel the beast getting closer as I slide lower on his body. Images of blood and sacrifice moved inside my head. My hair fell forwards hiding my face as his hardness filled my mouth, he moaned caught up in pleasure.

Caught up in the moment he couldn't see the beast but in the mirror across the room I could see it. Suddenly he screamed pushing me off. "Hey, You bitch, you bit me!" He landed a hard slap across my cheek. The beast still rode me, "What's a matter James?" I gave him a toothy grin. "Are you scared?"

"Get out he yelled." But the beast moved forwards, the iron wetness slide down my throat as I smeared more on my body, as the beast excepted sacrifice.

I picked up my clothes and made my way into the bathroom, where I took a hot shower. As I dried my hair , I gazed into the mirror. In the mirror I could see the beast as it became, once again me, myself. Yet it to was me, always just out of sight. Welcome to my looking glass, Alice.