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vargasha

Date Joined: Jan. 17, 2008
Last Login: Nov. 16, 2012

8 Comments by vargasha

8 most recent / all comments
1 vargasha 6 years, 7 months ago Context

I agree, you do have some talent... Maybe we should bounce some ideas off of each other.


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2 vargasha 6 years, 8 months ago Context

I was thoroughly impressed by your chapter. It is the first thing I read by you. I think your style of delivery works very well with your subject matter. I like the archaic sentence structure you sprinkle throughout. I try to do similar work, except it is in dialogue form. You should check my stuff out if you have time!


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1 vargasha 6 years, 8 months ago Context

I just finished reading your story. I respect your thread and can see the interest in a couple more twists to my story. However, there are a few details that you may have missed about the story that would have made your contribution more relevant and overall better. First of all, Zach, the main character was not drunk the night he met Paulina. He had a couple of shots of vodka but it is implied he was the designated driver. Additionally, there is no mention of any Eddies in the group of three friends that went out that night. And both of the friends of Zachariah are too old to be credited with using the word dude. The breaking of the cell phone and the stealing of the yield sign are very uncharacteristic of Zachariah. As I attempt to bring out in my first two chapters, Zachariah represses his anger and other feelings. He is a very internal person. In any case, good luck with things.


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1 vargasha 6 years, 8 months ago Context

I really liked the non-chalant portrayal of the near death experience of a man. You have some literary skill


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1 vargasha 6 years, 8 months ago Context

I think your personification of history is impressive. I can see your attempt to blur the lines between the cat and the concept of history. I love the descriptions. However, I believe that the fact that History is a cat should be made more clear. The descriptive ambiguity, in my taste, is enough, there does not need to be situational ambiguity.


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1 vargasha 6 years, 8 months ago Context

The main character's name was Zachariah


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1 vargasha 6 years, 8 months ago Context

"But it was wood, and wood had no heartbeat, just as the body that lay encased in it had none." The above is a really beautiful quotation and very appropriate when juxtaposed with the suffering of a mother. I am curious where you would take this. You have a very keen eye for description.


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1 vargasha 6 years, 8 months ago Context

Yo! I was just returning the favor, thanks for your comments. I have just finished the Second Chapter of Cenicienta. You should check it out.


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10 Chapters by vargasha