Discussion of "Mother" by tomcat

You totally had me until the paragraph beginning with "But wait!" From then on, the story felt rushed and shallow. I liked the first part though.

This story has great potential. Continue to work on it.

tomcat~ thought this was a pretty good beginning. I think your ending would have had more impact had you not titled the chapter, ‘Mother.’ Even so, I really like the eerie feel. There are a few things you should focus on. Another commenter mentioned it…you start a paragraph with ‘But wait!’ Another time you start with ‘anyhow…’ My suggestion is to read it back to yourself after you write it. Try and keep it as a story rather than a conversation you’re having. Does that make sense?
Nice work!

tomcat, you are up for 'I Have 30 Days to Live.'