Discussion of "Forsaken" by timiee

Found it hard to keep up with the story. Sentences were too long and drawn out.

The opening line was a great hook. You've got some great lines, like 'a glimmering halo of diamond droplets' and 'pearls of ice and blood waltz with one another'. The pacing doesn't portray the same panic you're describing - however, I still rather enjoyed it, and sometimes that was a very good thing (like the pearls of ice and blood section). It could use a bit of editing ('I' is always capitalized), and in honesty, the one line of dialogue felt a bit stiff and unnatural.
But overall, I really enjoyed it. Keep at it!

I gave it a 4, by the way :-)