May 12, 2008
I am mentally insane.
I deal with this fact everyday of my life, but not with guilt or shameful feelings. I embrace this fact with an honest, guilty pleasure. Letting it swallow me, take control of my thoughts, my body, my mind. I feel myself slipping into this abyss and I am helpless in stopping it, and frankly I do not want to.
I actually relish it. Beckon it. Embrace it. Welcome it.
The more I let my mind slip the more I feel myself having a heightened sense. My thoughts want to seek risks without warning, and I find myself constantly daydreaming of committing heinous acts without remorse. I want to roam in the dark and become the ultimate predator. Searching for prey.
I am a metaphysical analytical building block of constant egotistical rituals within my own world. Feel this insanity, feel its mental intercourse penetrating my cerebrum, blasting millions of thoughts impregnating my brain to over-capacity.
I am mentally insane and I walk amongst others who are insane as well. We all are and we know it. Stop being scared and show yourselves.
If anyone else (by some fluke of a mistake chance) should get their hands on this journal be careful in judging me.
We all have that other side of us lurking in the darkness, trying to get you to succumb to things that are wrong but dangerously appealing. Gratifying......filling, as if soothing a hunger. It is there, waiting on the other side for anyone willing to cross.
I have crossed over.
For one to know and say that insanity dwells within them heightens senses that are ordinarily dormant in most. Therefore this brings about a robust arrogance, which yields more confidence, heightened intelligence, and a iron fisted dominance over others. The 3 most important things neccesary for survival in thie existent NEW WORLD ORDER.
We all feed off of each other, which is necessary for us to survive and this is a good thing. I can relate just as much to David Parker Ray as I can to David Allen Grier, regardless of which craft they both possess. I feel like I am beyond my years; twisted mind, unstable fears, untapped lunacy. PLease can I speak now without forever holding my **** peace.
I read alot about the insane. It is good reading to those as myself who understand it. People are afraid to admit such things as insanity to themselves, but one cannot fully be at ease with one's self if all areas of the human psych are not tapped into.
Lately I have been finding myself going in deep trances. It comes, stays for a few minutes, then leaves. I guess it is a part of the metamorphis. When I am having them I feel free. I am guided by this insanity, which increases my boldness. I am unafraid, uninhibited, and by GOD's grace unscathed.
I have been having a lot of urges here lately too.......
I have an urge to hang myself. End this madness before it begins.
I have an urge for dirty, despicable sex, with a lot of pain involved.
I have an urge to stay up longer. I feel as if sleep makes me miss out on to much of the world.
All these urges are small compared to my most powerful urge.
Lately I have begun to have an urge to kill.......