Discussion of "Take, These Broken Wings...." by theblackhand

Hmm, not sure if we are talking about the bible or pornography:) Good Job!!

The Bible....but it could be read in the way of pornography even though my intentions were not.

Thanks for reading and commenting WBScott.

I figured it was the Bible, but I just liked how it screamed as if a parent found their child with pornography.

Intense, TBH! Really well done, you kept the tension and interest high up to the last line. Good to see you back on a regular basis...;o)

Thanks writerwannabe.....means alot.

Need a better title (references 80s mr mister song), but otherwise pretty good. Makes a good scenario in short and concise paragraphs. Action moves along quickly and I could feel the suspense and emotion. I just feel more could be made of why the father was so angry about his son reading religious books (Bible I guess?). Like maybe a short explanation from the father to give the readers a sense of why he would be so mad.

Thanks for reading PEPPZ.

I actually wrote this on the cuff. The thought occured to me and I just banged it out. Sat down and typed it out and I didn't move until I was done.

The Mr. Mister song title is indeed intentional. Take, these broken wings (and learn to fly again,)represents the pain and sorrow the boy felt. But his trust in God will help him maintain and overcome (and learn to fly again....learn to live free, when he hear....the voices sing, the book of love (Holy Bible) will open up and let us in....)

As far as why his dad was so pissed will come along to the story when the urge hits me.

You know, this hits it right home for what some people actually do go through. It hit it right home, and you did a great job at imagery and emotion

Thanks ladyvike15 for reading.

Everyone, check out the new project on the stories page me and 4 other authors are working on called "The Games Lucifer Plays."

It is also on the forum under "New project from 5 writers"

This was an intense piece of work, and it makes me think a lot. I especially like the title, as that was what captured my attention first. Good work!

I was sucked in and want to see you work your way to the part where the father get's his, or his father get a bolt of lightening from God that turns him to follow his son out of the path of violence and into the path of healing. Have you even seen the movie "Burning Bed"? It might give you some insight to some of the feelings that some abused people have. I'm sure that there are other research to help with inner talk, that's if you need any help in that area. Look at me, rattling off. GOOD JOB. KEEP WRITING.