All Comments by theblackhand

crystalfoo,

Glad to see you back. I tried to read your chapter of DR's, but it won't show on my screen. Anyways, I am ready to get back in the game. I skimmed your new work, and it has great potential. I will give it a full read (at work now)and maybe add a chapter mtself.

WWB, I haven't forgotten you. Read a few chpts of your novel, and it has kept me intrigued. Hope you both are well.

WBScott(and all my other SM friends/fans),

I know my hiatus was unexpected, so I apologize to you and everyone else. Sincerely. A true writer can never stay away forever.

I am getting that itch to start back writing again. Maybe finishing up 'A Modern Horror' for starters...

God bless you, Katrina...

because now, as I look behind me, I notice that the abyss is further back than what it was...and the Literary God is ahead, beckoning me to come fellowship with him.

And I shall...if only for a moment.

I have been away since October, on a trip of newfound enlightenment. I have wrestled daily with my desire to come back and start writing again...

Those who know me(and even those who don't), am I worthy? Will there be a solemn "welcome back, theblackhand..."
or am I just another writer who should stop writing and go ahead and slit my wrists?

My heart isn't into this project right now...I have no desire to write anything, my interest waning in trying to create, yet becoming more focused on learning new things, such as the universe, about God, man, the ancients, whether human or extraterrestrial, time travel, psychedelics, even about myself.
I am going away from SM for awhile. Taking a hiatus. Because lately I have really been struggling with the idea of putting theblackhand to rest, killing off my alter-ego permanently. tbh bleeds me dry, while pushing the limits of my insanity. I don't know if I like being him anymore.

al, please get someone else to step in, take the reigns of The Android's Ballet and go forth. Sorry for this, me not staying committed...

I am still wotking out the next chapter to TAB...

I always enjoy your work man. Suicide is such a touchy subject to write about, because those who are suicidal can be for so many reasons. I think everyone considers it sometime in their lifetime. The fact that your character hasn't been successful, then having an epiphany at the end of your chapter to me suggests that others will bare the brunt of his madness. DC sniperish perhaps?

I been away for awhile...but I am getting back to The Android's Ballet this week to start work on a draft.

I like what you done here. The tension and chapter itself was great! The only problems I have are you start the paragraphs off to much with the characters names...and also I can't figure out why Heath ended up killing his brother, why they squared off on each other. Don't get me wrong, it definitely added a nice twist. Maybe I missed something....

Nice work here SP! Will you give it a few days before you publish? I want to add my two cents, but don't have time right now.

I added more and published Inside on Turner Street...please read and vote. Thanks

Happy birthday JD!

I have a finished draft version of Inside Turner Street up and ready to go...I think. Sure could use a pair of eyes on it before I publish...
WBS,preferably your eyes, since your up next. Any others for typos(thanks skylark10, since I have added more to the chapter, etc.

Thanks djinndarme, for the comments. You created something special here with this story. I am just glad to be a part of it.

I thought it was the name of the client Nomo worked for, but upon re-reading it I could be wrong. I am curious now...

Shadowpen, he ws 18 in 1974, not 1978...
and dog, I totally left out commenting on the way you brought his father back into the fold at the end of your chapter...such a great leave for the next writer. It is awesome to be collaborating with you again.

Thanks skylark10, and I appreciate you catching those typos...

Your chapter was the influence of mine. Thanks again.

I think I am finished. I changed Helen's name to Ema...the reason is in the story. If I missed the change anywhere someone please pointy it out to me. I also added a guest of honor, I will keep it that way WBS if you'd like, if not and you have other ideas I will change it. I hope I have done this some justice.

Great work here dog, especially with bringing Nomo in the picture. Now we know who is after Heath and it all makes since. Your depiction of him definitely lets the reader know he is a man to be feared. But I also like the fact that you gave us a character that even Nomo fears with the addition of Ello. Your chapter fits perfectly. I loved how you worked in the title...that was priceless.

Sorry for the delay...I will have this finished in a few days. Until them I welcome any ideas and feedback.

mas0714@earthlink.net

I absolutely love what you are suggesting here...and I hope you will allow to be to a part of it. Great story

Thanks dogdeity11, means alot to me coming from one of my favs here on SM....

as for the cop, I thought, what the hell. I threw in a monkey wrench, next batter up! See where would it be taken. Cop firing shots and asking no questions? To me that is good stuff. The story itself is great, and as you mentioned, the seemingly good guy actually being not so good gives it depth. It thrills me to see you follow my chapter, me being such a huge fan of yours (and yes I have seen that you posted new work, "Fall of our lives" being on of them, which I will get to them soon). I must admit, however that I was really looking forward to hebe's chapter. She did such an amazing piece of writing with her chapter on
Inside on Turner Street. But with you now in on the next chapter, the gods certainly have found favor with us. Welcome aboard my friend.

Nice work here...thanks for acknowledging the point of the presence of another woman, form my chapter. It wouldn't hurt to somehow reference the 2nd murder, maybe have Father Praggar ask Barbara if she thinks they all connect to Eli right before they realize that indeed they do, because of your cliffhanger. Nicely done.

Hey skylark10...

I am sorry for not commenting earlier on about this chapter. You gave it a good direction to follow...I can honestly say that you have a good writing style. You left me several different twists to work with and I appreciate it. Hopefully I will publish soon.

WBScott, wow man...what a compliment! Thanks for that, it means alot.

Also, I added more, but it is not the finished piece...I am still sorting things out.

I reread this again...I hate I wasn't invited to the party!

I really enjoyed this. Tell me when your book gets published and I will be more than happy to support you. This is great work here. I mean it when I say I am thoroughly impressed. I am going to go back nd read more of your work, in time. I have a few favorites on here, and you my friend just made the list....

This is not the finished work, I still have more to add, just trying to figure things out....

thanks al...

I have used mozilla before on a past cpu...I just checked the site and they have a free download for their firefox browser. I may download tomorrow...anyway I did post a small draft on my profile from the 'new story' link on here. If nothing else, you can pull it from my profile page and post it under sky's 3rd chapter, if possible.

I have a draft I am working on, but since I can't get skylark10's chapter up on my computer, I cannot "Write the next chapter."

Any ideas, suggestions?

I will have a draft posted for Inside on Turner Street by the weekend...looks like everyone is MIA for now.

The scene with Barbara was an actual cccurence. As far as the comparison between Barbara and your mother, your mother may call you an ****, but clearly the personality of Barbara in the previous two chapters doesn't give any indication she uses that type of language.That's just my opinion...but when I mash off someone else's work, project or not, I try to follow their lead as accurate as possible . For you to change her personality in your chapter, well it's your choice...what can I say? This is storymash, it's all part of the game we play on here. Again, I look forward to reading some more of your work.

I can't see the chapter on my computer...can someone email it to me asap at mas0714@earthlink.net?

Thanks skylark10 and WBScott...I added more to the story line since you both read the draft, so check it out again.

I may be wrong, but it seems to me that with the way you took the story, you didn't read my published chapter after you commented on it when it was in draft form.

You have Barbara getting up off the ground (did you mean floor here?) and you have a sitcom blaring on the tv. Then she is on the bead, clutching her head? It is 6 pm,and she hears a knock at the door which in the end turns out to be Father Praggar.
If you look a few paragraphs down in my chapter you will see where I start off with "That night, she would faint and lie on the floor of her bedroom for hours, after watching the late night news.(Assuming 11 pm).. While she was watching she seen Eli standing in the crowd, behind the news reporter, at the edge of the street and the reporter was talking about another murder that had taken place, and how the word "Justice" had been carved onto the body of the victim. How she was wondering if he was ivolved.

Also I wrote that "She would later awaken to someone pulling her in the darkened room, and in her (semiconscious) state she would look up and see the devil's face on Father Praggar. He had come to punish her for not calling him and confessing about her anguish. His hands held her wrists, dragging her body, and her first thought was that she was being dragged her to hell. She should have called Father, to warn him of terrible things to come. Now they were both condemned, because he hadn't been able to save her. "No, she moaned, "no please, God don't allow him to take me there. How was I suppose to know? I'm sorry, please, let me go, I don't want to go, I don't want to go..."

Then she heard that hoarse, horrible laugh, and she knew it could only belong to Eli, the once loving husband who now despised her. The sound of his laughter and the sight of him would cause her to pass out again as he dragged her outside of their bedroom. She didn't know if her mind was playing tricks on her or not, but she could have swore she heard a woman's laughter alongside his."

So, here, Eli has her, but is he going to hurt her, or just put her to bed? Also, is she really hearing the voice of another woman? Was Eli beyond the point of caring? Maybe Eli had gotten drunk and brought home some starnge woman? A hooker? At this point, I was hoping you would assume it is around 2 am or so. And maybe some physical abuse from Eli would begin, maybe fueled by alcohol or just plain hate. He is clearly unstable at this point.

Also, you have Barbara cursing. I didn't get that feeling, but maybe it's just me. I saw her as very passive, even to uttering any type of swearing of curse words. A woman who is deeply devoted to God and the church. If he beat her or something afterwards she may would curse Eli, but I can't see it happening before.

The chapter you have here is good, don't get me wrong...but it goes way left field from mine. This is not an insult, it is just my opinion. I look forward to more of your work.

Writers,

If I may request, when you read a draft chapter, please go back and read the published one, especially if you are up next. It is very important with maintaining the accuracy of the story. I added more to my chapters a day or two after a draft was posted. Please don't assume that any of the chapters are finished until you know they have been published.

Hey alharris,

I published last night because I was running late with the deadline...I didn't want to keep the next writer held up any longer. Hope there is no hard feelings...

I published my chapter for Breathing Paradise...

http://storymash.com/u/theblackhand/gasereki/

I have a draft posted to my chapter of Breathing Paradise. I thought we needed to collabo with each other before we publish so hastily.

al, since you are the ringleader, I will wait for your ok once you read it...

I am running behind a little, but will post a draft hopefully tonite...

I guess were it starts at "That night" I should have put above it "A FEW HOURS LATER." When Eli pulled into the convenient store is where the story resumed after he left the house.

Thanks wwb...to answer your question, she fainted when she saw what was happening on the news. In that section of the chapter what was going to take place with Eli and Steven had already happened.

I published....
http://storymash.com/u/theblackhand/hepepono/

I am not lying to you when I say I admire your writing. Accept my apologies, because it has been awhile since I read your work. You are so articulate with your work, paying close attention to detail. I know another writer is up next, but I am so curious as to how you would have continued on...you left a cliffhanger that has my admiration. Fantastic work.

Good to see you back. You have always left great cliffhangers, and I am glad to see work from the writer of "Tool Shed," one of my favs here on SM, back after a long hiatus. I see that you can still hold your own...the woman at the end of the chapter, on the doorsteps, standing there with no umbrella, all soaked and dripping wet. Powerful images. Great work.

Also, I want to note for all those who may not understand why that I purposely separated the word "psychologist" with a "-" in the title to represent that Eli is tettering on insanity, hence, turning into a psycho...

Ok, I added some more to the story, and I think I am finished. Please, reread and comment before I publish.

I will have my final draft posted in a few days, and the completed chapter by the 30th....

I have posted a short draft...will finish next week. The projects page looks awesome.

Short draft so far, but far from done...

The time resrtaints with me are not a problem. I would recommend dogdeity11 if we need backups, he is one of the greatest writer here on SM. Also, I see that you contacted crystalfoo, who would also be a tremendous addition to the fold. She last logged in on the 7th, so maybe she will answer the call. Psycho1_77 is also a great writer who I recommend as well. Also, you can put out a call in to honeygloom, who is right up there with dog. There is one other who has been one of the best writers in my opinion, but has been off for awhile, by the name of Persephonie, if push comes to shove contact her...whomever amongst them that answers the call will not disappoint.

I am going with crystalfoo's "Dead Resolutions"
http://storymash.com/u/crystalfoo/bukakupi/.

I am still searching for a story...I have a few in mind so bear with me. I will let you know which one I choose and have a draft posted soon.

Cheeseliker, you sneak! You beat me to the punch! This is what I was going to use for my work on the collabo project...now I have to find something else all over again. I still have something worked up for a chpt when it becomes my turn though, nice work here.

I was going to use this as my work for the 2nd flight of the CollaborationNATION, but cheeseliker beat me to it. But don't worry, I have something in store when it becomes my turn to add my chapter...

This may sound dumb, but when you say post in the original thread, do you mean this chapter or the forum? Also, how did WBS post that chpt by Shadowpen on this chapter?

Question:
When each writer chooses their chapter and we start, will we work on ONE story at a time per week, or will we have to post 6 chapters a week?
If we have to post 6 per week, I will gracefully bow out because my life won't allow that. One chapter a week is all I can handle...

I have read, and accept...
mas0714@earthlink.net

I'm in al...

It is like a sign, the fact that you mention the very journey that I wish to travel. I studied and yet have not come across the manna of intelligence itself. I am a huge fan of McKenna.

Digusting indeed BazookaJones. What a slob. This guy reminds me of so many reasons why I need to maintain my sanity...it gets hard, I tell you. The choices in his life have put him in a depressed funk, and I agree with Ace...you manage to make us feel for him. Bravo.

Nice read. Great cliffhanger. I was left wondrring whether the mother will see the monster and know her son is telling the truth, or will the monster somehow get away?

Very interesting approach to a story...you really are a gifted writer. I ignore alot of new material here at SM. It is just to many writers to read them all. So I look for my favs, and I am truly glad to see your back for a spell. I love to read your work, I have said it many times before, and I will say it again.
I, like the others wondered about the ghost as well, and saw that you commented concerning it. I was really looking forward to you giving me chills, but all in all this was worth reading...which your work always is. Look for me to be posting something new soon.

Gripping...

I am interested in the OWL facilitator...shhot me the info @ mas0714@earthlink.net

congrats al...

I'm in...just tell me when.
djinndarme, you are a gem. Thank you for all your support. wwb, I get a little feebleminded myself, so no need for apologies. You all are fantastic writers.

Sounds exciting! Take care of yourself.

Off with your heads, all of you for not making writers such as myself aware of this...my name was not even mentioned amongst the greats. I want in next go around.

Very entertaining...as I read this I could visualize the war as it took place. The emotions of Nikah, the ally, and the enemy are felt through your storytelling. A very strong introduction to a world many will never know, including myself. Powerful writing.

I am intrigued by your story. I look forward to a second chapter to learn more about Alex. Let me know...

Highly entertaining! As I read this I felt as if I was in the room with your characters. The story seemed so realistic and held my attention throughtout! I am looking forward to another chapter, to see what Dog is going to to.

I read both your chapters. I understand what you are trying to do and the points your trying to make. Yet understand me when I say that you are committing an act of utter blasphemy, and one that God himself will not stand for. Your changing his holy words into your own. You even had the nerve to call your work The Holy Bible. I am not trying to bash you here, but I suggest that when you hear and see lightning, you better pray and repent for such a henious mistake. If you get an unwelcomed sickess, you clutch and hold the very words of God that you have more than unlikely misconstrued without giving it much thought on the devastating consequences that could come along with it.

I never even knew you had posted this...I enjoyed this very much.

I appreciate your contribution to my work...

You have a good story here, but your dragging it out. Give the reader something to hold their attention, or else your going to lose them.

Welcome to SM! I enjoyed your entry here...I feel as if you have a vast imagination full of creativity yet revealed.

What a nice surprise! Welcome back...and a great entry as well. I really related with your words. On the canvas of our literary souls, our imaginations surely are infinite. It is proven fact here on SM. I am so glad to read your work again.
I hope all is well with you.

alharris...you are one of my favs here. I notice that you love to deal with stories concerning kids/teens/adolescents. You got an uncanny way of making things seem so real. The way you present your characters makes me think alot of my childhood, about times when school didn't seem so important. Whenever I pen something of my own, I get so drawn into the dark aspects of life and it usually comes out in my writings. Your work gives me a refreshing change and I thank you for that. I do not know where you are headed with this, but I will say that it is very intriguing so far.

I loved it all!

Oh, I hate when I don't spell check1 I meant "turn" and "more."

Hey wwb...this is quite interesting. Rory screws them and then they turh to husks? You sick **** you! Very well thought out! I am so glad to see you still going strong. My favs besides you(dog and honey) seems to be on a hiatus.
I have something I am brewing I will post soon. You still kick **** man! I see you posted 2 nore chpts, which I will get to tomorrow.
On another note, I saw a writer on the stories page by the name of wannabewriter...coincidence perhaps, or are you being like King did when he was Richard Bachman?

Best thing I have read here in awhile. Don't wait for someone else to continue this. You started a great 1st chapter here, so you must have an idea of where it can go...

I agree with some of the comments dkk made. I am use to better work from you, but I totally understand how time away can make a story weak. Great plot though, the ending really threw me. Why would the driver tell her to stay away? Interesting...

Dark indeed...welcome to SM.

Endings for me are the hardest. I can create beginnings with very little effort. When it is time to end it, I find myself riddled with different possibilities...that's when the struggle begins.

When I post start chapters here, I begin to hate myself for it because I don't follow through with an ending. I end up losing interest in it and its not fair to the reader. I apologize for that...

things take time. Obama has been in office a little more than a year. You cannot expect things to be corrected in such little time. Give him a chance. He will produce some positive results. Bush created the highest U.S deficit in history. You can't expect Obama to fix Bush's mistakes overnight.

Hey, cool start here. I am intrigued.

I read your 1st chapter also...both are good chapters. If you are writing from a fictional point of view, using a harder substance like crack cocaine, heroin, etc would make your work more believable. I say that because marijuana is more of a gateway drug to those sort of problems that result in rehab.
If you are speaking from past experiences (Like if maybe you are a counselor/nurse/psychiatrist,victim, etc) would you say this is becoming a common thing? Great read.

Creepy. The repeat of certain words used differently in the next sentence gives it a life of its own from other work read here on SM. I am awed by your vivid descriptions. The words flow with the intensity of an intellectual sociopath that has been pushed to a limit and reacted to it...whether it is a reason of love or hate is hard to figure out...
Is the captive a subject for an experiment? Sex slave?
What a well written start.
I have a chapter called Covered in Blood. Our chapters are so different, but notice the similarities. Welcome back Elevator_Music. You really delivered here.

This is something that is becoming a common thing. We had an occurence down here in NC where a gentlemen had infected numerous people purposely before he was caught. It's some scary ****...that is why I stay monogamous with my beautiful wife.

Soory I haven't contributed yet al, but I promise to soon. I just need an opportunity to let the creative juices flow...

In case some don't get it, my entry represents the 2nd coming of Christ. Great visuals in your work WBScott...

Very deep and heartfelt. Nice work.

Not bad at all...welcome to SM

Wow...thanks Gonzo_Mitchell

nice...

Great addition! I didn't even think to use periods to make up the "character" amount, which SM puts at 250 minimum. That was very wise...

Done...

I posted a chpt djinndarme. Tell me if it works before I publish it...

Character count, not word count. This actually will take about 4 lines to complete for each entry (with each sentence, like you demonstrated above, having 63+ characters.)

Also, I will contribute something to the project...great idea

The Chapter Body must have at least 250 characters, so it probably would be a good idea if each participant wrote 2 lines instead of 1.

Just my opinion...also good ideas from you and alharris, for projects.

That themes come together

and two plots become one

for all endings are possible

before the last chapter's done

That is so true. There could be numerous ways to end a story...it is up to the author. Well done alharris!

Cool 1st chapter. I liked how Heath operates, and I would like to see where his craft takes him.

Killing the guy by boiling him? You make my SM work seem like child's play. I enjoyed it.

Thanks writerwannabe, I am glad you read it. You have always been a dependable reader of my work. I am a big fan of yours has well, have been from day one.

Thank you so much...

Awesome follow up. Keeping the reader intrigued while also keeping Charlie's wherabouts/condition completely out of the story. Nicely done. Foreman McKenzie seems like a man who gets **** done. I look forward to more.

I liked this. The story line, visuals...they held my attention all the way through. The thought of falling 30 miles in utter darkness...not knowiing what to expect is something to vast to comprehend. The fear would be beyond what could be imagined. At the end of your chapter you mentioned he smashed to pieces, and yet I saw a chapter 2...

Nice effort...thanks for the contribution

daughter's...(one not two).

Brings back memories of my daughters 1st day of school. She did not want me out of her sight. Like most first timers she cried like hell. It crushed me to leave her, but she eventually manged well.

Thanks vorgerinix. Your comments made my day.

Thank you too djinnedarme. I appreciate your comments. I am honored that yoy are a fan of my work. This is disturbing, indeed...

There aren't may who can spin so well like you do. I understood the meanings of the three rivers and what you meant by the rivers ultimately eradicating human waste, how it can provide a clean slate, and also how frightening the world has gotten, providing alternate ways on how to feel/become alive again.

I wrote Muthaphuck that way because I wanted it to be understood what I meant in the story. The correct spelling would have been blotted out because of the language. Somehow I feel that you knew this already. Your mind is that sharp. Thanks for commenting, you are one of the ones I wanted to see this. Your comments/feedback are always helpful and encouraging.

Thanks alharrris and thmagnopen as well. I may continue this, if reader demand wants it. I sure enjoyed writing it. It just hit me all of a sudden and I had to get it down fast.

Thanks cjbishop.

Bold and told from the heart. Great poem.

You have tremendous potential. When you find your niche and fine tune your style you will be a better writer.
Learn how to keep your readers attention by making less more, while building tension by keeping things mysterious...but always propelling your story ahead and keeping readers interest.

I hope to see you famous one day, world renowned...

This is fantastic writing. Creepy to the max. Please contact me when you write your second chapter. I haven't read anything this good on SM in quite some time. Your dialogue and ability to give one visuals as if they are actually seeing it is simply amazing.

This was very different...makes you think. I look forward to a 2nd chapter

cheap smoke...a writer's power. I am blown away by your work here lately man.

Hey Pyscho...nice job here man. Your descriptions and visuals are dead on. I hope to see a 2nd chapter soon, perhaps with more of an intensity of what Ramirez was capable of. Your right, he was sloppy and and didn't really have an MO, but he was brutal and without feelings, and that is what I hope that you will bring to the story. Lucifer chose Manchego and the others because he knew they were capable of commiting these horrible acts, and that is what I would like to see brought forth within your story. Your off to a great start.

Very insightful and abstract in its nature. I felt moved by it. This is what I like to see from a writer....boldness and willing to test the limits of the psyche.

dog, dog, dog...wow. Very well done friend.

I am ok friend...I hope you will come back.

beautiful...

I particularly liked the beginning, ending....with something unknown taking their lives and the reader not knowing what. Reminds me of M. Night Shyamalan's "The Happening."

I will admit that I found some things quite disturbing. Like the cat. Especially the cat. It just didn't work for me. The chapter itself was shocking and quite good other than that.
You took this in a different direction I was not expecting.
Very valiant and worthy effort. Thanks for mashing.

I actually read this yesterday. Another original and great story...I am enjoying your work.

I cannot view this...it won't come up.

Manson, ha! I may need to reevaulate myself...thanks for reading.

I have more...been writing poetry for years. Just don't post much of it.

I wanted to read your work since you gave mine a read...and I liked what I saw. Loved your title. Simple but bold. Your writing style is hard edged, and that really impressed me. Great start chapter.

Thanks WBScott...I bet you can match my style, its not much really.
Thanks also to you randomnickname...

I will post again soon, probably after the Christmas holiday...

Wow alharris...a different direction indeed, but very well done. I get more drawn in to your works as I read them. I love the way you write.

Very well thought out. This really grabbed me. Writing really is the best outlet when your pissed about something. Well done.

"I don't mean I will take my time on taking your advice dd11...

I will make sure I take your advice is what I mean."

Thanks to everyone who has commented on my chapter here. It means alot.

dogdeity11, your absolutely right. I am guilty of rushing through alot my work. Can't help it. I want to write it down quickly. I want to give it to someone to read because I enjoy sharing my thoughts with people. I spend my whole life wondering what have I just done to a person who read my work. I don't focus on the 'fill ins' I want the immediate shock value.

I have just recently gotten work published that is a prime example. Not completely on purpose though. The original manuscript was 20,000 words long and counting. And at the time I still had two months before it was due. Guess what?
Lost all my work that I had on one of those "flash drives" (due to my dog, whom I still love) and my dumb **** didn't save it on my cpu. Lost alot of drive after that to finish my work. Worked on other things, other stories. But still finished it. 6,000 words now, but still finished. The finished work is short, concise, and can be read in a very short period of time. But it is fast paced, quick to the point, and damn good. And they love it.

Your advice, it couldn't be any better. If I took the time to caress my work instead of giving it a quick **** I know I could create better work. But my mind won't let me. It burns to fast. I have one idea after the other after the other after the other that I have to put them down or they will haunt me. What I post here is only a small fraction of what I have created. I am currently working on over 15 books (counting "Suicide Watch" which is the book mentioned by the way) and I will make sure I take my time on them...and your advice.
My style is to move a story fast paced. I don't want the reader to get bored with it. Thanks for the advice. I have always valued your opinion my cyber friend.

The site is called PublishAmerica.com. They are always looking for good writers who want to publish their work.

What a rush! Good to see you here again!

What the hell is that getting up off the road? come on chpt 2!

since you gave my story a read I wanted to check you out...and let me tell you I am not disappointed! You created a well driven adrenaline rush here. I loved the rawness of your chapter, and the end...has me wanting more!

Loved it all al! Hell of a finish!

Good continuation...loved the fight scene and the fearless sister's reactions to it all.

Wow man, the ending really sent a chill through me...on to chpt 3.

The title grabbed my attention to. Cool start chapter. I am intrigued.

Very good start. The imagery is amazing. I look forward to a second chapter.

You're welcome buddy...great chapter, and thanks for the kind words.

And I thought I was a sick ****....5

Thanks HFW...I will finish this chapter asap.

Welcome Back! This is very thought provoking, I can se the person just sitting there, absolutely weirded out. Great writing! Bring on a chapter 2!

This is...nothing short of brilliant. I **** hate you man because you write so damn good.

This is sick....but not over bearing. Just enough to make you cringe...but not enough to look away. Well told, well written, dark...makes you want to get dirty. I loved it. The part with his sick grandpa...I just don't know what else to say.

5...if I could give you more I would. Please, please write at least one more chapter. And tell me what you think about my own additions.

Thanks dog

Sorry....the site is www.myinsatiableappetite.com!

I have started a small internet based business called Insatiable Appetite Inc, inspired by a poetry piece I wrote about two years ago. The piece is on the 1st page...(Check out my starting logo, and I have more designs coming. Any and all ideas are welcome).

Please, please support me by purchasing an item from my site and wearing it in your area. I will be tremendously grateful to all those who help. I have just a few items as of now, but as it grows more will come. I have my email address posted on the site as well. When you purchase, PLEASE SHOOT ME AN EMAIL STATING YOU HAVE.

I have been a writer on SM for quite some time now, and it will be a blessing to have my fellow writers out there supporting me.

God bless you all...and I will not forget your support!

OOOOH...my curiosity is peaked! The Zombie Killer huh?

Maybe I will write a chapter as him...

Wonderful start chapter. I have to ask...is Smitty homeless?

Don't ever stop writing. Ever.

And....have you given up on "The Games Lucifer Plays" project? I expected something from you friend. It would be disappointing if you did. I have been looking forward to your Bundy spin.

I still have a few chpts left for this project. I hate that interest has waned, but whatever....

Glad to see your working on something...

I am a dark writer and this is one of the most chilling account of words my eyes have ever had the opportunity to witness. Raw. Edgy. True to life.

I got very uneasy reading this. The images, feeling the pain in the story....the scars that are left. If this is true may he rot in hell.

Very, very, powerful.

Very true to life. Great read from the beginning to the end. A very unexpected twist with their ages.
Hope to read additional chapts soon, if you continue.

Very strange...and very original. I have never read anything quite like it. I noticed that in a few paragrapghs you were highlighting words that were in alphabetical order. Very clever. But you stopped...why?

Also, it read of a very sexual nature to me.

I can accept that. No deadlines/obligations. I would like to see you continue. You have something really good here...

I liked your truthfulness...

Are you going to post more? And why do you continue to change your moniker?

Your style of writing goes deeper than what I am use to reading here. Your research and the way you structure your work tells me that you are serious about what you do.

This was beyond what I expected. Very concise, raw......very chilling. I actually read it 3 times.

The way that Paul interacted with his victim was creepy. You get a sense of his psychotic nature and his high level of intelligence. This is incredible. 4.5

so are you abandoning?

“roma locuta est, causa finita est,” translated: “Rome has spoken, the case is closed.”

Does that mean that you are done, or that you will not do it?

Deep thinkers should want to explore beyond the physical aspect of themselves and learn everything they can about the spiritual one.

And I don't mean just prayer....but also seeing.

I enjoyed this....great visuals.

hey dude, delete this chapter and place it under "The Games Lucifer Plays" chapter

very well told....looking forward to a second chapter.

Very interesting.....will you add more?

This is one of your best start chapters.....looking forward to more.

I wanted to come and read some of your work. When I read this I was very satisfied. This is a good piece you have here.

Very descriptive...it held my attention. I loved the astral projection moments. When the serial killer project comes open again I will definitely keep an eye out for you.

Nicely done. 4

serials...not serails

Everything is taken as of now.

After these stories are told I will ask for more writers to do other serails (maybe Dennis Rader, Gary Ridgeway, Aileen Wuornos) so come back then.

I am really impressed with your writing. Your ability to draw the reader into the story is uncanny. I would love to be able to write like you man.

Wow rocklee....seems as if your time away gave you time to hone your skills. This is very different of you. The best thing I have ever read from you. As I read this I could feel all the emotions within the story, ones that you captured with amazing accuracy.

Welcome back. 4.5

I pretty much agree with what the others mentioned. This story was good and has alot of potential.

Just published the 2nd chpt called "Following in the Footsteps of Ray" from "The Games Lucifer Plays" project.

The King.....Stephen King.

My mother handed me Pet Sematary when I was just an adolescent and horror has been my forte ever since.

there are none....

Read honeygloom's first chapter and send me any questions. The jist of it all is we all are copycat killers, doing them in the style of those who are notorious because of unwillingly selling our souls. I wish you to write as Richard Ramirez, writerwannabe as Edmund Kemper, and dogdeity11 as Ted Bundy.

Please write between 3-5 chapters each and you can start posting at any time. Please incorporate in your story a part that shows how Lucifer aided in helping you with the capture of your kill.

cool....thanks. I have two chapters posted already. email me @ mas0714@earthlink.net with any questions.

Hey, are you interested in a project me, writerwannabe, and dogdeity11 are working on?

cheeseliker was in it, but he backed out. If so, read the start chapter of honeygloom's "The Games Lucifer Plays" and go from there. Let me know so I can know how to proceed.

Count me in for Crybaby Bridge....just let me know when.

"The Darkness Within" seems like it will be interesting too.

Great start chapter. I am in the beginning stages of practicing astral projection....which is surprisingly powerful.

Good to see you back on a regular basis.

You have a cool way with words. Thanks

Good to see you back!

Wow....I am touched. Thank you for such strong and encouraging comments. The Chucky line is dumb, I know that now.

But your kind words give me a renewed inspiration. I wrote a piece called "Pendulum of Thoughts" if you wish to read something different of mine. Again, thanks for your kind words.

This chapter will be completely finished by the weekend. I have over 3 chapters, I just need to put finishing touches on this one.

Vampire, werewolves, zombies, etc these of type stories get told so much that they tend to get boring, even though their popularity continues to soar here lately.

It takes a special hand to bring such stories to life....give them an edge that makes them interesting. That power is in yours.

Simply amazing. And what makes those who know good writing read your work, in awe of it, is the fact that you make it seem so **** easy when it isn't. It's great to have you back my friend.

5 stars.

Thanks everyone....

I wish you well honeygloom.

Thanks for all your help with everything we have done together. I will keep an eye out for you.

I am not finished yet, wwb....

That's some imagination you have there tomcat....

Everyone,

There is a new project on the stories page called "The Games Lucifer "Plays."

This is a project that myself and honeygloom came up with and have been working on for a few months.
There is us and also 3 other writers involved in this project....dogdeity11, writerwannabe, and cheeseliker.
When time permits, give us a read. For those who love this type of work, you will not be disappointed....

Hey japan-chan20....thanks for mashing my story.

This is a very good and interesting chapter. I like how you added in how Levi had Delilah's Bible and got punished for it.

Then he snoops in his dad's bedroom and finds a Bible there....very interesting indeed. You took it in a totally different direction than I was expecting, and the simple fact of the matter is that I like it. Please, continue your version soon.

Thanks ladyvike15 for reading.

Everyone, check out the new project on the stories page me and 4 other authors are working on called "The Games Lucifer Plays."

It is also on the forum under "New project from 5 writers"

There is a new poject (posted on the stories page) called "The Games Lucifer Plays."

honeygloom, myself, dogdeity11, writerwannabe, and cheeseliker are the writers.

Chapters will be posted gradually. Come check us out....

Everyone,

This is a project that myself and honeygloom came up with and have been working on for a few months. There is us and also 3 other writers involved in this project....dogdeity11, writerwannabe, and cheeseliker.

I am writing as David Parker Ray, dog is Ted Bundy, cheese is Richard Ramirez, and wwb is Edmund Kemper.

Please, I ask that before any other authors who may want to jump in the fire to respectfully refrain from posting work. Reason being because
if multiple chapters start getting posted that will eventually lead to a loss of interest in the porject and we don't want that.

I will post my first chapter tonight. Welcome, to our sanctuary....
When our story lines are completed, then I welcome all to have at it.

Thanks honeygloom for your incredible first chapter and all the hard work you put into this project. I have always enjoyed working with you and your efforts and determination with bringing this to life will not be forgotten.....

Very abstract.I like that.

I added on a second chapter.....

This is off the cuff....

congratulations to you....

Thanks for reading PEPPZ.

I actually wrote this on the cuff. The thought occured to me and I just banged it out. Sat down and typed it out and I didn't move until I was done.

The Mr. Mister song title is indeed intentional. Take, these broken wings (and learn to fly again,)represents the pain and sorrow the boy felt. But his trust in God will help him maintain and overcome (and learn to fly again....learn to live free, when he hear....the voices sing, the book of love (Holy Bible) will open up and let us in....)

As far as why his dad was so pissed will come along to the story when the urge hits me.

Thanks writerwannabe.....means alot.

The Bible....but it could be read in the way of pornography even though my intentions were not.

Thanks for reading and commenting WBScott.

Nice work you have here. I am not much of a critic of other's....I think everyone has their own style.
I will say that you definitely kept my attention and maintained suspense. I look forward to reading more of Lizzie's story.

Not a bad twist....

More! More!

Great chapter wwb. I am not usually into romance, but when I saw you had posted I wanted to read your work. The church is a powerful tool to bring people together.

I am curious as to what is fiction and what is fact. The literature you gave about the beginnings of the biker gangs I guessed is true. I am assuming that this is also how you met your wife?

I will be looking out for mor of this.

I posted new work too. It has been awhile for me. Hope that I still have a fan base.....

I posted new work called "Take, These Broken Wings...."

....on the 30 day project that is.

Thanks honeygloom....even though I have given up (for now)

I think you did very well here laurendobbs.

The pace, the plot, the characters....all very though out and well told. Please post a second chapter.

I loved this.

It is heartfelt, warim, tender. You really captured the fear one feels when faced with the choices they pursue in life. Yours just happen to be the strength of your writing, and I admire you for that.

God is real. I love him and strive to give him thanks in my everyday life....for who I am, for who I will become. I wish you well with your endeavors.

Thanks for mashing my story....and whose work are you referring to?

Very amusing....made my day!

Welcome to SM and thanks for mashin!

I loved the way your chapter flowed. You definitely are on to something here. Welcome to SM.

Ha!

There is suppose to be a comma after the "For years" instead of a period. Drats.

This was posted yesterday but not published. I am sorry but it was still in draft form and I failed to publish it.

This may not qualify for what the project asks for, but I decided to delve deep into my thought process to find out who theblackhand really is......

hey wwb shoot me an email address @ mas0714@earthlink.net

hey cheese shoot me an email address @ mas0714@earthlink.net

I cannot believe your ranking isn't higher....this is some amazing writing. I have always loved how you make stories come to life. This is a great addition and it really flowed well. Thanks for stepping in for the ones who couldn't do it.

Fantastic job wwb!

Good to see you back Cornelius. Thanks for reading/commenting.

Just keep persevering....

Yeah cheese, no worries.....

JD, that could turn out to be an interesting project. If you are willing to start it up I would be more than happy to follow you.

I can imagine the laughs you guys shared afterwards....

God DOES exist....I can tell you all many stories.

This is by far one of the best things I have read of yours! Your work gets better as you continue to hone your skills....well done!

Very different of you honeygloom....but interesting. I admire boldness in writers, and you certainly fit the bill.

Great writing....wonderful story

not bad cheeseliker. I thmik you held your own because of the pressure of this chapter. Not bad at all.

Very well written start chapter wordwise. I really enjoyed this. Great dialogue. Welcome to SM!

Thanks wordwise. I had alot of my work removed from this site, but there are still a few chapters I have posted that you can read.

Chris Cornell, formerly of Soundgarden mentioned in a song called The Day I Tried to Live, saying, "I woke the same, as any other day except a voice was in my head. It said cease the day, pull the trigger, drop the blade, and watch the rolling heads."

My gift is my curse.....

wow man, just wow....enjoyed it

You have a great imagination....I am glad you enjoy what I write. I love your work too.

I enjoyed this wwb. I love it when we collabo together....

Crazy! Nice work!

Nice....your writing gets better.

So....you were drunk when you done this?

A hint honeygloom;
It is stronger then the average fag, and Hendrix claims to have heard the wind cry out its name....

Look, up in the sky...it's a bird, a plane...

Man writerwannabe, your everywhere! Sort of like a modern day superman! Excellent continuation....

I knew if anyone added on it would be you, and your addition held its own weight. The time restraint is my only disappointment because I wanted more. Thanks friend!

Excellent cheeseliker! Bravo!

Thanks guys....and cheese I look forward to reading your GR chapter.

I gave it a shot and posted something....

Raw indeed. I enjoyed it thoroughly....and you do type fast as hell.

I am enjoying them wwb....

Yeah, just flow man...

Just some crazy **** I conjured up....

Thanks JadeRose, djinndarme, and especially you Persephonie....glad to see you back.

cheese, you haven't forgotten about GR have you? when will you complete your chapter?

This can be really good if you shape it up more....

Wow. That's fascinating wwb!

I am glad you liked it Ace, and thanks for the info. I really don't consider the letters that I use to draw out the screams, I just pressed the D to give the concept of a long scream. I will pay more attention to that when I write.
Thanks for the advice.
I also have to edit better. Thus the case with this one. I may write more Ace, I have some ideas I may post sometime later.

Thanks everyone....

This is also posted on the "challenge 2" page.

Some heavy **** cheese....

My chapter to the monster project is posted. I had a difficult, but awesome time writing it.

I hope that I covered the first two chapters well enough....

Okay, I am done. Sorry for the wait.

Hope it does some justice to the storyline. Cheese, don't kick my **** for using some of your chapter lines in the beginning. It just felt right to me for the introduction of Khatan.

Anyways, I will be taken a hiatus from SM from time to time while I work on other projects that I need to finish.
I am currently working on my piece for the "Challenge 2" project that I will be posting in a few days. I am thrilled about what I came up with. Please be looking out fo it.
I also will do more reading and commenting on SM instead of posting new work. When I do post, it will mainly consist of add on chapters of other writers work when I feel compelled to do so.

Until then....thanks everyone.

I am not dead guys....things have been hectic lately. The MH agancy that I work for is in the process of getting CARF accredited and we have been busting ****. We have been writing policies, studying literature, getting prepped to pass this thing with flying colors.
I have been to freaking tired to read or post anything so everone please forgive me. I will have the chapter up ASAP.
Just bear with me....

Where you at marionreed? You working on 30 days? Its been 6 weeks....

I posted the above comment on another project page accidentally last night....and again, I am sorry honeygloom.

honeygloom, I hate to do this but I am bowing out of the monster project. I have read several versions of the Penny Dreadful style, and it just doesn't fit my style of writing. I would hate to contribute a chapter to a project that I feel I won't do any justice too.

honeygloom, I hate to do this but I am bowing out of the monster project. I have read several versions of the Penny Dreadful style, and it just doesn't fit my style of writing. I would hate to contribute a chapter to a project that I feel I won't do any justice too.
I am sorry if this causes any problems....

I thoroughly enjoyed this JOAT. Nice work.

I want one. Something similar to what you gave JOAT. give me a few days to post it though....

Wow Alkamyst. This is an incredible start chapter. You have an amazing way with words. The way you write is stunning. I have become an instant fan! As WWB mentioned, you definitely set the bar high. Wonderful work here.

I think we should continue on WBS....

This is an incredible start chapter! Such great and wonderful storytelling. The characters fit perfectly, the intensity level is very high, and the whole thing just feels so right.
I am amazed at how well you started this story, and my hat goes off to you. Well done!

Not a bad start chapter. It definitely held my attention. As Alkamyst mentioned, I also expected more blood and guts. I am not use to the PD style of writing, and the research I have done does very little to explain much. Anyone out there have any website suggestions? I didn't bookmark the one I viewed....

sorry for mispelling your unique name.

wow honetgloom....wow

damn dog, you truly are incredible....

thanks dogdeity11....and djinndarme.

I meant usual....sorry. thanks for commenting.

thanks keysersoze....cool name. Is that from the "unusual suspects?"

Welcome to SM....

Nice start chapter. I look forward to a second one....

I liked this. Very mysterious and well told.

Don't look at me like I am a monster....

stare like a zombie, into the tv, stare like a zombie...(Tool, "Vicarious")

The rant is beautiful man. If this is YOUR views, I can't/won't knock you. I don't agree with the journal completely, but it is food for thought. I believe in God, and I do believe that somehow he created himself. Call me crazy but I do.
My whole style of writing is borderline evil. I am not ashamed to say it or write it. It is very hard for me to write about something other than it being dark. It is my curse.
theblackhand is my alter-ego, and I **** love the guy. I mentioned it a while back, that I hope one day I get to meet you.
I admire your style of writing.

chapter 3 of the monster series please....

I will take a chapter in the monster series....this shouldn't come as a shock to anyone.....

thanks honeygloom....I value your comments.

Thanks dog and cheese....

thank you djinndarme....chapter 2 will be posted soon.

Unfortunately I am not....but thank you, it means alot.

wow man....wow. I will look for more of this.

wow magno....you definitely are a visionary. Keep ranting man. I love it.

Wow....this is right in your face writing. It felt so real towards the end. This story has a really powerful feel, full of shock value and hopeless despair.
Very strong and well written.

Zombie stories are hard to write. So many of them have been written that I have a hard time even reading them. I got through your story, and i will admit it is quite good. Good to see you are still around cheese.

dog I loved what you did to the story. Please, go back and read the wiki page and get an idea of how amazingly close your thoughts and ideas are dead on.
If you fail to see, shoot me an email. I don't want to give anything away to our readers....

A wild and crazy story man....beautifully written and a welcoming change to storymash content. I enjoyed it Ace.

Thanks Ace, and all others who voted....

My word was bliss...

Wow...I loved this man. Such abstract usage of words.

Your style is on point, very different and has a brass intellect that shatters boundaries....

I wrote a piece called "Insatiable Appetite." I think you will find it to your liking....

I posted my chapter....short but direct.

I haven't heard anytihng from him since the beginning. Hope he still contributes....

ok-hope you are feeling better....

I am not sure of what it is you have here, but....

I have someone who will continue 30 days....I need to get it moving again. If you wish to come back later and add something that's fine.

I think giving Rachel that energy was needed, it added a new twist to the story. I will come back and comment thouroughly soon. I am honored you enjoyed my first chapter....

Your up for 30 days

I will get on it in a day or two....

I struggled with whether or not to post that statement.....wondering if some would take it as a blasphemous statement or understand its true meaning.

I have spent the last 11 years of my life trying to serve and remain true to God. All it takes is one sinful act to fall....and if that act occurs and I die in that act I have succumb to the bid of evil....thus surrendering my heart. Unintentionally but nevertheless surrendering.

Thanks bro for reading.....Love you man.

I want in....

A very compelling story. I likr the eerieness and I was definitely drawn in.

Not a bad story magno. You really could have something good here. Only problem I have with the content is the eight abortions....sounds kind of extreme. Would a woman really put herself through so many? Is it medically possible?
Anyway, I enjoyed it man. Keep writing.

I have something waiting to cheeseliker....

Great chapter dogdeity11. I sympathized with the feelings of Spiro. I have an uncle that is mentally challenged. The story bought back memories of all the taunts and cruelties I remember him experiencing from neighborhood kids, even some family members.
I would like to see this go further.

congrats foo....

I read this, and I liked it. I will give you some advice though....you have posted 10 pieces of your work back to back. I have noticed during my time here at SM that few reads will be given to work if posted that way.
To most it seems desperate. Also it pushes other writers work down the page quickly, without giving them the chance to have theirs viewed. I think I have seen you do this before.
My suggestion to you is to post one (or two) daily, give others a chance to become familiar with you on a small scale. Less is more. Then go back and repost your "overlooked" work.
I guarantee you will start to get more comments. This is just my advice. I hope that you don't take it to heart because it is meant to help not hurt.

You may finally win one wwb. I wish you well.

Thanks bro....it means alot to me. I hope you post some of your work here soon. Love you man.

This is a very good start chapter....I enjoyed the spiralling down feeling she experienced.

I enjoyed this mcnellism....very intriguing.

thanks wwb and JVC19....

I am glad you had a good day. Merry Christmas!

I may be calling on you soon for 30 days. Some authors are AWOL. I have not read this yet, but I will get to it soon.

I may be calling on you soon mcnellism. Thanks for checking in.

I liked this. I need someone to step iu for 30 days.....will you continue it on? Some writers have completely disappeared to the abyss....

I also suggest that you add a brief description of your writings in the tag section. Seeing just this(.............) there has probably detered a lot of readings/comments/votes from your work.

God bless you and your family. This is such an incredible story....

congrats wolf....

Great second chapter hebe....post the announcement on the forum to let others know.

Great start chapter. Very extreme God complex.

Man I am glad you are back too....

Congrats nash....

Will you email me at mas0714@earthlink.net

wolfram, i have really enjoyed reading your work. I will not be surprised if you won for this round.
Your writing is just so crisp and on point.

Wow man. You have added such a macabre twist to this storyline. Sick, twisted, cannibal children.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha........
I am hoping this chapter wins so I can add my spin.
Great work man.

This is a very powerful chapter nash. I can see this as a winner.

A nice continuation nash....

I love your start chapter....

Your nams suits you. This chapter is is indeed that. It takes guts for someone to tackle topics of such a morbid nature.
The chapter held my interest.

Great work.

Very exciting story. I liked the way you wrote it to draw the reader in.

There ara a few mispellings, but hell, who among us are without those from time to time?
Your work gets better and better tomcat.

I like it dogdeity11. It's gloomy and putrid. It stinks of regret and wishes of what could have been. It makes me thankful for today and the time with my family.
I actually still have one chapter on my hands for "A Halloween to Remember" that I need to complete. I am wayyyy past due but i will finish it. I have to get back in that mode.
Anyway, I am glad to see you posting again. I noticed that you also posted a third installment for "The Unknown." I will comment on that one too.

A good start. Just watch your grammar and spelling.

I actually red it and it has potential for something that could be entertaining.

Your writings of this nature are constantly entertaining....

Wow! Sorry for your experience.
I expect your husband didn't mind as long as you are okay....

Welcome....

I liked this TC. I will comment thoroughly soon.

Very creative....

congrats!

thanks everyone....djinndarme, that was suppose to say "without a moment's hesitation." Damn! Sorry....

This is a pretty good beginning wwb. I do still look for your work, and once we were strong allies. Anyway....

I will be on the lookout for a second chapter, whether you or someone else.

JOAT I need you for "30 Days...."

Enjoying it so far.

It gets better. On two chapter 3.

I been looking for a story dealing with a lottery winner.

Good beginning.

Honeygloom I will serve as an alternate as well if deadlines are not met.....

Not bad, could be better. Very creepy.
Look forward to more.

You could have had a good chapter here if you would have invested more time. I like your direction, but it was too short. Not enough plot advancement, etc....3

You ahve a strong chapter here crystalfoo. I especially like the suicidal twist with Ms. B. Nice touch. The visuals you give are amazing. I did not have a problem at all with reading your chapter. It flowed smoothly.

I agree with shadinah as far as the "zero effect" being a decade long....and 6 months without contact from the division...but they can be overlooked compared to the strength of the story.
4.5

Good chapter. Interesting ending. I am intrigued by the introduction of the cat.
Very creepy and sinister. 3.5

I turned to ask Jake to stay just a minute longer, but he was already throwing his arms around me in a waist-high hug, then darting out the door. "Jake..." I called, but he was already gone.
This sentenced bugged me. If Ms. B wanted Jake to stay, to me it seems that she would have been courteous enough to ask the father instead of trying to ask Jake. Maybe it’s just me. I also have to realize that this is fiction too. Anyway, this is a good chapter and fits nicely with the first one. 3.5

A nice chapter wwb. I think that revealing a child porno ring was a jump to early in the story line. Just my opinion though.

You wrote a good chapter and I enjoy your work, as usual. Your writing style holds attention, and I have always liked that about you. Good luck. 4

I liked this chapter. The cryptic messages were a good fit for the chapter/storyline. You have a strong uniqueness to your writing, and I like that.
The introduction of The Blue Chalk Ladies was a good concept. The gore is not strong at all. It actually fits nicely.

Good luck to you. 4

I liked the chapter. The ending is strong. There was some predictably about it, but a very good chapter nevertheless. 4.0

I disagree Wandering_Rian. The dialogue of Jake was written as close as it gets to how adolescents talk/feel/trust these days. You nailed it with this chapter wolfram. Your writing style/technique is simply amazing.

You have an incredible ability to “fill in the gaps” in your writing, and to me that is major. There is a feeling of realness to this chapter. Reading it I could visualize everything perfectly. The ending that you left is incredible.

I am starting to see why the chapters you create are becoming fan favorites. You are a strong force here at SM and a chapter like this one reinforces that fact.

5.

thank you haihazan....

I enjoyed it mybeautifuldream. I think that it is a thoughful piece that your family will remember from you for years to come.

Everybody is entitled to an opinion here. maoripete, if you did not like it you have a right to say it. The way you say it, now that's another thing. Seems to me that you may be deliberately trying to make enemies, and that is never good. If you are published, post some of your work here.
What better way to walk your talk....

I enjoyed this.

I was drwan in from the beginning. This was well written, well thought out. I loved the creepiness of it.

These type of stories are hard to write. they have been done so many times. Your take on it was crafty and original. I look forward to the next chapter.

Good chapter Nash, it just doesn't fit right. I had some trouble with following the story line you were trying to get across.

I like your chapter. I wish you well. Fantastic twist UE....

I liked this entry. This will be a good mash for the next writer. Good luck to you.

I read and commented.

Your words are strong. Nice work.

Good opener. The story entails excitement and was definitely an attention grabber.
Welcome to SM.

Very good writing.

your welcome....

Very tough and abstract writing. I enjoyed it. I wrote a piece awhile back called "insatiable appetite."
Check it out....

The visuals in this story are amazing. You have progressed the story in a well thought out way. Very incredible second chapter.
The introduction of the sheriff is very strong writing indeed. Killing off Ms. B was a bold move, and one that you took on brilliantly.
4.5

What insight. Stern and powerful words. Wonderful, eloquently written.

I am with AE. Why Persephonie's chapter is even up there baffles me. She stated that she was not participating.

I read this a few days ago. Your combination of the chapters was a good idea.

Get out and vote!

congrats on your win!

I found it unnecessary for you to have to come back and say you are "sorry" for some of your critiques.

I commend you for having the guts to do it. I always look forward to your critiques and learn vaulable info from them.
Like tomcat said, you can read and comment on my work anytime P.

Add a second. I welcome it.

I agree UE.
I have posted work that I poured my heart into, to only see it not eligible for contests for some particular reason. Then when contests do come up, I have to twist/squeeze/mind phuck myself to come up with something new in a very short amount of time. Even though I am a team player, this pisses me off greatly.
A month to construct something? That is a very good idea.

Good story. Great angle. Well told. I like the direction you took at the end. You managed to give a good ending while keeping it suspenseful. Welcome to SM....

Welcome. I will read your work.

Great story. I read it days ago and wanted to come back and comment. Good luck to you.

As far as everyone bashing Nash and Perse, grow up. You could not ask for two better people to critique your work. I consider them both friends. If you do not like what they post, go somewhere else.

I never had any problems with your criticism. I commend you for what you have done, but honestly I found it unnecessary.

Creepy to the max.

Yes, you and Persephonie both are correct.

Not bad at all.

You tease here.
It is a good chapter, but you really haven't moved the story along. It probably would have been better if you had combined chapter 2 and 3 together.

Not as good as the first chapter, but a decent follow up.

I like the originality. You are very good at that. Well done.

I see what you mean when I read this crystalfoo. It is an intense story and keeps the reader wondering. I look forward to more.

This is very intriguing. I will be looking out for chapter two

You have something good here. Write the next chapter soon man.

Not worthy, huh?

I think that you knew this was the first chapter to a project here on SM, so you were smart enough to post a 2nd chapter to this chapter instead of the project one.

This is a really good story. Best of luck to you. I will come back and comment more soon.

A good piece of writing. This guy is really down on his luck.

I am intrigued to see were the main character is headed.

A well written story and plot. Gripping and chilling. The intensity level is high.

This is very good. The potential is there, and you are quite capable of instilling fear. You dug deep like you did for TSNK.

This is compelling and good enough to make it in the HAC collabo. It is good to see you posting again.

The Skin Hounds is a remarkable story that I am glad you shared with us!

I enjoy alot of your work. This one here is no exception.
I enjoy stories about writers who uses a writer as their main character in a story. With me being a huge fan of Stephen King, I especially enjoyed his takes on them with "Misery and "The Dark Half."
I have no doubt that this will continue to be a great story. The ending is suspenseful, with some many great possibilities.
I cannot wait to see what happens next.

Thank you for reading and commenting.

Raven your up next for 30 Days....I will offer you a week to catch up if you are still around. If not I must move it along....

Your coming up soon for 30 days....I am going to see if Raven will resurface. I will wait a week, and if not I will be calling on you....

Thanks to tomcat for adding on a chapter. Raven is up next, but I haven't heard seen her here at SM for a while.
Be on standby JOAT....

Thanks to tomcat for adding on a chapter. Raven is up next, but I haven't heard seen her here at SM for a while.
Be on standby JOAT....

I have read both of your start chapters here and I would like to announce that I am an instant fan. You have created some wonderful work with this story as we as "LOL."

Keep them coming. I am amazed by these stories.

This is one of the most original and best stories I have read in a long time.
I am highly impressed.

Well written. I admire you, such intense words for a thirteen year old. Keep on writing, well into your adult years and you will be an accomplished author.
With your skills it can happen.
Nice work.

I like this. I will try to look out for more of this story.

tomcat, you seem to be on to something good here. You have peaked my interest....

sorry it took me so long to get to this. This is strange, and it caught me off guard. The chapter(hallucinations?)is quite vivid.

Thank you for your addition.

Thanks UE (Sorry, I'm not in possession of any, but the internet doesw make almost anything you want available, sure you could find something).

wolfram, and Persephonie....thanks for your comments.

I reread this mybeautifuldaydream. I hope that it is up to par....

I commented on the continued chapter you added to the story line.
Thank you....

Ok Persephonie. This is a very different angle. It hit me like a sucker punch and caught me totally off guard.
The timeline, yeah, you got wrong. Forget that. Important? Yes, but at this point I do not care. What I do care about is this chapter you have created.
It's incredible....
So far to the left that it blew my mind. What an angle, Persephonie. This is masterfully crafted.
I am stunned, shocked....awed.
What an intense addition. I guess you can say I kind of baited you. I needed you for this, and you kicked the door down with such candid thoughts and imagery.
I already have an incredible idea for a mash.
Great work Persephonie. Please stick with me on this....

Congrats wolfram....I will make sure to listen in on the radio show tonight.

The world is slowly changing.

All things are possible through God.

Thanks for a much needed chapter.

I published a second chapter to mybeautifuldaydream's "Man in the Headlights."

Good for you....

You sure know how to creep someone out. This is good, all chapters pertaining to seemingly different characters.
Keep them coming.

Creepy. Good continuation.

How the hell did I keep overlooking this? Very, very unique and original....

Great work! An awesome 1st chapter.

Franklin County, Louisburg, NC?

Very sad story. What an ****, for him to do such a thing to you.

Way to go! Glad you took my advice. This is a good chapter.

This is....mindblowing.
I am in awe. Rarely will I admit that. there are some good writers here, but with you I have become an instant fan. Wow. You have taken me to a new plateau.

Please, continue this. You have my attention. So many SM authors try but cannot reach this level. What I have read from you will stay with me for a long time.
Randy Cane is metamorphising into something that I can believe in. This story had me in its grip. I have been looking for an author such as yourself. I understand you. I understand your work.
I look forward to more from you. If you have other stories to post, please do so. Soon.
I am not much for asking people to read my work as I use to, but I have a posting called "Suicide Watch" that deals with a very depressed individual. The character has experienced a sismilar revelation in a different setting and has taken action.
With the powerful way that you write, you really have impressed me.
Welcome here bleedinginside, welcome.

I can relate. I enjoyed this.

Thanks hebe6405 and chloe....means alot to me.

i thoroughly enjoyed this. Again, welcome.

Welcome....looking forward to your work.

You seem angry....

This is bizarre....and blasphemous. But hey, its your story.

Now, is it Brad, or Chad?

Thanks for your addition tomcat. I will read this over the weekend.

horrific, very good writing.

I checked out the sight. Does it have to be something from scratch or can it be something already started on? If so, I may give it a try myself....

Hmm....

Someone went and took a cheap shot by scoring me low....right after I thanked hg, foo, and hebe.

Ok, Whatever....coward.

A shootout! Man, this is really a good chapter beginning!

What did Jimmy do? I will look out for more of this one!

A special thanks go out to honeygloom, crystalfoo, and hebe6405.....for all your help and input.

A special thanks go out to honeygloom, crystalfoo, and hebe6405.....for all your help and input.

Thanks nash.

I had considered adding it to the project page (and I will if honeygloom deems it necessary)but I wanted it to be seen on the homepage so everyone would know it is posted.

I will wait for her lead.

The first chapter to this amazing story has been posted!

Hope everyone enjoys, and please, keep up with the storyline!

I wanted the reader to understand what was unfolding with Anna ....and I guess you all did.

Thanks for reading and commenting.

Unicorns, huh? I am not big on these type stories, but I must admit that your style is gripping and engaging.

A clear, concise and well written piece. I enjoyed this very much. Welcome to SM.

Leo....very cocky.

....the species name were called the Lancrions.

I am very intrigued to know who these creatures are. Very nice spin on what seems to be an original piece.
I thoroughly enjoyed this.

Thanks thamagnopen, Marykm, LadyAdelia,and cnd140 for reading....

Anna experienced the pain and death of Harriet through the picture frame....thank you Marykm for reading.

The 1st chapter for TPF is complete.

The 1st chapter for TPF is complete.

Very intriguing.

Hope you all enjoy....

So true. I know a few of them....Well written

check the wiki page asap....

Great continuation! I like the fact that faith helped them pass the first test. Good job!

I hope you and magno continue this....

I finally got around to reading this magno. This story has great potential and amazing possibilities.

You keep things interesting.

Start wtih how you met him, follow it up with your most memorable times spent together up until present day.

Yes, definitely.

The first chapter is almost ready for publication...

Giant Rock has a start chapter almost completed....

That shopkeeper seems arrogant and up to no good....

A very good chapter here.

I enjoyed this chapter of yours as well. You have a talent for spinning love tales.

I look forward to more from you....

I am in awe. Please, write another chapter....

This sort of reminds me of "Ever After," except this woman resists the and the prince wants to have her by force.

Nicely written....

I love this. When you know you have found your soulmate, it is such a beautiful thing.

Welcome! I will make an effort to read your work.

I thought of the possibility of an unexpected menstraul cycle while reading the first chapter....

Keep it going. Very good writing.

You have amazing potential. Channel more of those feelings towards your writing, and you will see some vast improvements.

Good luck, and welcome to SM! (I love your mother's work)!

This is heart wrenching. I could not imagine waiting for my death to come and take away someone dear to me.

Very good writing.

I enjoyed this. Maybe you should have broken it up into 2 chapters. Long, big paragraphs sometimes take away from a story.

Fine job regardless.

This was really good. Do you have a 2nd chpt in the works?

Incredible story. How did I miss this one?

What will the nanobots cause him to do to Helen? To himself?

I would not consider this horror, but it was a very good read.

Really intense.

Interesting story.

I second josh and nash. I am not here for the earning potential. It just isn't there.

For me it's about the recognition, the cyber-fame.

The best way to get recognized is to read,comment and mash other authors work.

Contests and Projects also help to build a fan base quickly. Nash comments sums it up. Try them, and use whatever works best for you.

I am adding on to this....

What a wonderful read. Sometimes it takes me awhile to get going in the morning.

I loathe those times when they happen....

welcome....

This was a good story. Proofread more, there is alot of mispelled words.

I am wondering who those eyes belong to....

Yes, He did his chapter. Now its your turn. You can have a week to catch up on the storyline....if you need more let me know.

Thank you.

Your up for the next chapter of "I have 30 Days to Live."

'The Picture Frame' is almost finished.

'The Picture Frame' is almost finished.

Thanks rock. I added more here, but it is still in draft.

I am going to ponder on new ideas before I publish....

Very good start chapter. I sensed the fear, the panic.

Seem as if they are in deep ****. I am curious as to how you will continue.

A pregnant woman smoking? Happens everyday, right?

For the storyline....yes but I want to branch it off in different settings.

Like this family is dealing with hunger I would like to see another chapter with the same setting but different problems. Maybe an entirely different family, with food but maybe they are dealing with a sickness. Maybe a husband and wife who have a daughter who is dying but are afraid to go out for help because of fear of what's happening around them (Which I am still pondering over).

Thank you for reading.

Not bad.

Nice. You kept the storyline going....

Nice to meet you. I have enjoyed reading your work.

Not bad....

Make your name known here at SM.

With your writing style it will not take you long to start getting recognized.

rocklee11416....go ahead and take it another round and let us see what you got.

Please, continue this soon....

You are original, creative, and a welcoming addition here....I look forward to reading more of your work.

This...is amazing. I am at a loss for words.

Very chilling and powerful writing. Very dark and disturbing. so closely related to how I write.

I vote this a five. No question.

Intriguing. I liked the mysteriousness so far. Good chapter.

Yes, you can.

Thanks....

Very original. Great ending.

Nice piece here....

Thank you for your wonderful words. I am honored.

Your chapter was good. This story had a very intense ending. I liked the interaction between him and Allen.

The only drawback I have is the fact that being Allen was really drunk he would not have been in much condition to carry on such an intelligent conversation. Other than that, nicely written.

And yes, I plan to continue on with the storyline....

Thank you for mashing and I will read your other work soon.

Welcome LadyAdelia. I read your addition to my 'Suicide Watch'storyline.

I wanted to come back here first and welcome you to storymash. Good luck to you and all your endeavors.

I like this. Not bad.
When you wrote “not to mention what happens if I do let you go; either you go to jail, or you get tried in court for murdering me,"
I assume you meant to say "attempting to murder me?" Right? Would have made more sense.

You created a nice continuation for chpt 4, but I think the physical violence is too early. My mind's eye allows him to coax his victims by mental games, being manipulative and diabolical.

By being unstable he increases his chances of getting caught.

Overall, good story. Your writing and your imagination continues to improve.

I love this line-
“or you can jump down into the vast unknown, and perhaps you may live in an afterlife of paradise.”

Thanks for mashing.

I will read the other chpt tonite....

I like this version much better....

How would you like to add a chpt to my Suicide Watch story?

A good chapter....very warm and heartfelt.

Welcome back! Great chapter here....

congratulations....

Yeah honeygloom, I know. I just wanted to add something....thanks

Nicely written.

A verey good chapter you have here.

Thanks for commenting.
Lets see where rocklee takes it.

I read it and commented....

Not bad....ignore the above comment.

I do not understand this though...."I had the upper hand as I took his half-way down zipper, ignoring the banging within my head, and smashed it up and down repeatedly???"

Also, how are you going to convince him to die? Remember, in chapter two the victim was upset over a breakup.

I suggest that he finds himself on the edge of a balcony a few stories up....

Not bad....

I do not understand this though....I had the upper hand as I took his half-way down zipper, ignoring the banging within my head, and smashed it up and down repeatedly???

Also, how are you going to convince him to die? Remember, chapter in chapter two the victim was made over a breakup.

I suggest that he finds himself on the edge of a balcony a few stories up....

I added a 2nd chapter to 'When Night Things Come Calling,' by marcusgregory....

Also a draft for a story I am working on called 'The Picture Frame....'

This was a great beginning.

I added a second chapter to it. Maybe not the direction you were looking to go, but the idea just struck me....

Many thanks to rocklee for his addition.

tomcat is up next....

tomcat, you are up for 'I Have 30 Days to Live.'

This is a good read, but I couldn't finish it. Post it again, but this time break it up into paragraphs.
If you do not most will not read it.

I do want to finish this, so take my advice, and I will come back to do so....

thanks....

Nice continuation rocklee.

I like the fact of him running away. Now it is up to the net masher to decide what happens next.

Thank you

I posted a draft of the story I asked you to collabo on.

It is called "The Picture Frame."

I am going to add more to it this week, so do not continue it just yet.

I posted a draft of the story I asked you to collabo on.

It is called "The Picture Frame."

I am going to add more to it this week, so do not continue it .just yet.

Honeygloom, have you started sending emails about HAC entries reviewed?

I am intrigued with this shaking concept. Very original.

I read the first chapter too. Good writing so far.

Very good chapter. Great pace, convincing continuation. I enjoyed it very much.

Well written chapter.

Welcomt to SM. This is a wonderful chapter. One of the best I have read. I loved the scene with Adara and Charlie. Great writing.

I enjoyed this wwb. Good to see you posting again.

I enjoyed this.

I just posted a re-edited chpt of 'Harvest'and the last October Chill chpt of 'Devil's Night' a few days ago...

Thanks Cornelius....

As far as a record, well my 'I Have 30 Days to Live' first chapter has 92....but by default. It was the start chapter of a collaborative project so you know....comments and all other things gathered there.

But the most I have seen is 144 on a graph dogdeity11 created as a way to keep up with the chapters and who was up next. If you are not familiar with him, read his work. You will not be disappointed.

I will read your some of your work over the weekend. I also plan on posting the first chapter of the collabo I asked you and OrphicEgg to join.

Thanks again....

Yeah, I'm in mental health.....but with youth. There are some very intense cases that we deal with, but I have yet to come upon an extreme one like the chapter.

This character, I have never heard of such a case so I want to say that it is fictional, yet original.

Convince others to take their lives and choose one....to end your own life in a way you watch happens to others?
I would love to see this made into a movie someday...
As far as your comment about your "REAL" life, just take everything as it comes. Even in your darkest hour do not give up, always persevere.

Writing allows me to release my alter-ego and if the urge to throw the towel in starts to surface, I bring it out....to overcome it.

Thanks for reading/commenting.

I really liked this piece. Very thought provoking.

A nicely written 2nd chapter.

You continued the storyline at a good pace and an excellent direction.

This story has great potential. Continue to work on it.

A well written piece....