Dear Journal,  

Here it is.  May 16, 2008. 

I have slept.  I am refreshed.  I have rebooted.  I am ready for the day.

My birthday.

Happy birthday to me!  Happy birthday to me!  How will this day, turn out to be? 

I'm thinking bloody.

I had not the strength nor the energy to continue to watch my angel from afar yesterday.  So I force myself to come back to my place, and retire I did.  I fantasized about her for a few hours before I finally passed out. All that mental energy caused me major exhaustion.  My accelerated state of mind I feel need monitored detox.  Madness is relentless in its quest to take hold of me.  My  troubled mind runs continuously as if operated by a duracell.

I slept the entire night.   My batteries are recharged.

(Boy did I have to piss like a racehorse when I awoke...!)

Sticky wetness in my underwear reminded me of my sick and perverted dreams.  Of her.  My angel.

So I have officially been awake for three hours now, staring out the window, waiting for my angel to return.

(If she fails to come by here soon, I will go search for her).

No need.  There she is.  12 o'clock noon.  As if this is her time.  Like the world stops for her.  Immaculate.  Beautiful.  Today I will make it our time.

I watch her with renewed anticipation. She must be headed back to the lake, same book in hand.  My God, how beautiful she is.  Like a light rain drizzling down one's face. 

Refreshing and cool.

I fell into a trance again.  My thoughts centered around my alter-ego.  My senses heighten. 

I can hear myself reciting words the madness forced me to memorized.

As the fog covers my mind I feel the strain.  Stay away until the light returns again.  I am a chemical balance of broken imbalance. Look deep into my emptyness.  Empty.  Empty.  Capable of........

My first urge was to just run outside and bash her face in.  

I had to calm down that insatiable urge and regain my composure.   Gotta get a hold of myself.  I'm to anxious.  I pace the room, telling myself to focus man, focus or **** this up. 

The time is now.

I must leave you now journal.  I am going to follow her and see where my insanity takes me.  Takes us.  Me and my angel.

Today, is in fact my day.  I want my present.  I want her.

So I bid you farewell for now journal.

Insanity has revisited me.  Let us break bread together.