The story so far:
Here it is. May 16, 2008.
I have slept. I am refreshed. I have rebooted. I am ready for the day.
Happy birthday to me! Happy birthday to me! How will this day, turn out to be?
I'm thinking bloody.
I had not the strength nor the energy to continue to watch my angel from afar yesterday. So I force myself to come back to my place, and retire I did. I fantasized about her for a few hours before I finally passed out. All that mental energy caused me major exhaustion. My accelerated state of mind I feel need monitored detox. Madness is relentless in its quest to take hold of me. My troubled mind runs continuously as if operated by a duracell.
I slept the entire night. My batteries are recharged.
(Boy did I have to piss like a racehorse when I awoke...!)
Sticky wetness in my underwear reminded me of my sick and perverted dreams. Of her. My angel.
So I have officially been awake for three hours now, staring out the window, waiting for my angel to return.
(If she fails to come by here soon, I will go search for her).
No need. There she is. 12 o'clock noon. As if this is her time. Like the world stops for her. Immaculate. Beautiful. Today I will make it our time.
I watch her with renewed anticipation. She must be headed back to the lake, same book in hand. My God, how beautiful she is. Like a light rain drizzling down one's face.
Refreshing and cool.
I fell into a trance again. My thoughts centered around my alter-ego. My senses heighten.
I can hear myself reciting words the madness forced me to memorized.
As the fog covers my mind I feel the strain. Stay away until the light returns again. I am a chemical balance of broken imbalance. Look deep into my emptyness. Empty. Empty. Capable of........
My first urge was to just run outside and bash her face in.
I had to calm down that insatiable urge and regain my composure. Gotta get a hold of myself. I'm to anxious. I pace the room, telling myself to focus man, focus or **** this up.
The time is now.
I must leave you now journal. I am going to follow her and see where my insanity takes me. Takes us. Me and my angel.
Today, is in fact my day. I want my present. I want her.
So I bid you farewell for now journal.
Insanity has revisited me. Let us break bread together.Speaking of insanity, I leave you with 14 different spellings/languages of the word itself. See you when I return.
Ailene. Geisteskrank. Insano. Elnebajos. Vansinnig. Fou. Atamagaokashii. Gek. Dolzinnig. Hullu. Gila. Meshuge. Nebun. Dement.