Discussion of "Lonely Paradise" by the13lakes

Nice descriptions.

Okay, I will get the negative stuff out of the way first. I would suggest that you break up the one big paragraph into two or three smaller paragraphs. I think that would make it easier to take in the whole opening scene, and it gives it better eye appeal (for lack of a better way of putting it). But I think this is a great opening. Makes you want to follow the character on his new journey. Great title and I love how the scene has a moody, almost trance-like feeling about it.

It reads like a the beginning to something more. Being alone qualifies as 'trouble in paradise'.