All Comments by the-swamp

so did she committ suicide or did you kill her by the river?
Was she blissful in idealism or suffering?
I think this could be really good, you have a way with conveying imagry.
Too many contradictions though.

Yes, I agree, very Jekl & Hyde! I think the revealing line is "i feel too much, which makes me not want to feel at all"
I disagree Dr. Wolf, it's not cheap. Talk is cheap.

like the title! what is schadenfruede? damage joy? smth else?
anyway, i like the imagry in the first part: the giants of technology creating life eating machine factories & raining down the false hope that keeps us trying. A circle. Technology = knowledge & there must be light at the end of that tunnel so we keep digging.
Deny the path of false hope & pursue truth in words

Well the first portion of the story kinda makes him out to be guilty of something & he's got blue paint on his hands - but that doesn't necicarily make him the actualy killer.... he could be, but he could also have witnessed it, been an accomplice, killed the killer....i dunno. But, i think it is mentioned that Susan was his mother. Either way, Rodney seems somewhat psychotic bc he seems regretful & afraid at first but then he cusses out an old lady.. that's just what i think

I was trying to show how this guy sees his parents, their relationship, & his father's relationship with his job. His father kicks his own **** to work everyday to support his wife & kid. His wife supports his in every way, polishing his shoes (the symbol of his employment), making his dinner, etc, because she has built her lifestyle around his work & money. I think he left her because she supported him so relentlessly in something he hated. The boy in the room fears becoming his father, but his mother who has become somewhat demented, is frozen in the role of champion for the ball & chain - that's why she wants her son to wear his father's shoes.

Sorry, I killed Susan! I was gonna kill her in 'black-eyed susan' but got distracted . Didn't read your mash till just now.
You should make Rodney into like a psychotic character, like the butterfly who set the school on fire... no one suspects the butterfly!

that is hillarious

I like the first portion, goes along w/ the rest, but it muddles as soon as you say "i only have 3 friends" and then you start talking about that. One gets the impression that somethings gonna happen to this guy when you say "they finally kicked me out of my apartment."
Perhaps you might save character descriptions until those characters appear, or until they become an integral part of a digression or flashback.

thanks! you should try and play - it's a good exercise to get the creative juices flowin. ALso nice to see what images are triggered in other people

Hey man, if you like it, give me a vote! I needs my sweet earned monies!

I'm wondering how someone can claim a work on this website! Isn't this a collaborative endeavor? If you have "works of yours" that you don't want touched, then go play with your micorsoftword.com

Sure, sounds grand! I'm somewhat new to the mash, and it's nice to finally be able to go somewhere on a story.

Very suspenceful! It reads like the pictures in a comic book, I can see all the desperate people & the hero.
I like how weather links the ruffed up state of new orleans (although i think he was in louisiana in the last story) and the meteors.

the point is to live with intent and without force. dependance upon the eye inside for beauty and love, not the visual eye or i. look at the people you attract and the people you are attracted to, you are somewhere in the middle enjoying it all or fingering the knife end.
leave without worry because you're right, people don't change, people change things, they may even change other people, if they are they type to be changed. But Zappa once said, without deviation from the norm, progress isn't possible. And aren't we all progress loving people nowadays? And what's all the fuss about it anyways? Isn't it just the same strange strangers and their familiar emotions? Isn't it all industrial fixes for industrial junkies?
fellah?