Without anyones assistance or knowledge I made my way to the very place I hadn't been in a while, The church. I walk in and walk up the long aisle leading to the figure of Christ on the cross and somehow imagine myself as he.

As he knew, I know that my death is forthcoming and there is no turning back what our Lord God has deemed to be so. He suffered, but not once complained as I will never do, because this is my pain, and it shouldn't and won't be shared with my wife and kids, I will at all times keep the brave face for the sake of everyone I leave behind.

 I drop to my knees at the pulpit and look up at the figure that seems to be looking down directly at me and start to conversate with Jesus:

Dear lord, I want to thank you for all the blessings you have bestowed upon me. My Wife, my children, my Mother and Father, my Siblings and all the great friends I have acquired in my lifetime. Thank you for the comfortable life you provided me and my family, and Lord thank you for giving me the strength to keep my head up amongst all the fear that resides inside me.

God Thank you for giving me the oppurtunity to be able to leave my Wife and kids a comfortable life after I have gone from this earthly life and to one in which I hope is a spiritual one that will allow me to watch over them and guide them safely along lifes journey.

God give Karen the strength to be Mother and Father to our children after I am gone, she has always been the rock of the family and I want her to continue to be just that.

Lord I acknowledge you as my Lord and savior, and I give you my soul and my dieing love. You died on that cross for me, to make things right with the world, and I want to make things right with you. I have not always been the man that I should have been in my life, I have commited Adultery, I have stole from others in my life, and Lord I have commited the ultimate sin, and that is unbelief.

But Lord I recognize you for who you are and what you've done for me in my years on this earth. I changed my life sometime ago and I know you know that, so I am not just running to you cause I'm dieing. I just thought this was the time to come and kneel at your feet and let you know how much I love you before I cant remember how to say it anymore.

Well God, in closing I just pray that for these last few weeks that I have on this earth that you will give everyone the strength you gave me and that you continue to give me on a daily basis.

In the Name of the Father and the Son.................AMEN