Discussion of "The Campus Witch- Chapter One" by terelyn

I liked it. Didn't see that little plot twist with Max being a witch so was very satisfying. Make sure you proof read stuff for grammatical errors though. It stinks, I have to force myself to do it because its no fun but you catch weird plurals that aren't supposed to be there quickly enough.

The usual comment lol! Thanks for noticing. How do you proof read? Is there such a word processor for this? I am not an American. Thanks!

Do you type everything in the storymash window, or do you copy and paste from MS Word or Notepad? My suggestion is to write your story in something like Word where you can see everything nicely, then transfer it over from there - and that would help with the proofreading process that buellersway suggested.

Proofreading is simply reading back what you've written in order to catch mistakes or clarify the points you're trying to make. For instance, at one point, Lorraine's name accidentally changes to Anne. It will help with keeping your verb tenses consistent as well. In one of the paragraph's with Max, one sentence says "came down" (past tense), next sentence "will put" (future) - should have been: "he would put an end..."

I was taking notes, but not well enough - the other thing I wanted to say was there's a shifting of perspectives that happens which jars things a bit. It seemed like a lot of the story was from Max's perspective, what he was seeing, how he saw people reacting, and what he wanted to do. But then there were other points where the perspective was from Lorraine's point of view, or Samantha's. So, take that into consideration for future chapters too - read over the story and think, "Is this what Max would be seeing/thinking right now?"

You can switch to diffent character's perspectives, but it needs to be handled delicately and so, in the beginning, I would suggest that if you want to switch perspectives, you write a new chapter rather than a new paragraph.

I like the story. I like that Lorraine was going to fight back. Max is a good character, and it would be interesting to see why he actually started dating Samantha in the first place. If he didn't like her for such a long time, why was he still with her? Was she blackmailing him for something? Was she a security blanket? These are things you can possibly explain in future chapters.

Wow! Thanks, hebe6405. Great suggestions. Storymash will be a challenge for me. I guess, I better write carefully the next time. I will remember everything you said. You are a very good critic. Have a nice day :)

This was much better than your first start, but still needs work. So, it wasn't a teenage witch, but a teenage warlock! Fantastic! I'm going to concur with hebe again. The changes in point of view and verb tenses are very distracting. Normally, I don't even mention grammatical errors as, for me, the story is more important. But, when there are too many it makes the story hard to read and interrupts the rythym. What nationality are you?

You are so kind writerwannabe. I am an Asian from where? Not important. Anyway with the comments I'm getting, I'm sure they will not be proud of me. As with this story, I lost my taste writing this. I'll start with another story. But, I'll be sure to proof read it the next time. Grammatical errors and the tenses are always a problem to me. Have a nice day, friend.