Discussion of "Feather Death" by teddydragonbear

Very confusing... I couldn't figure out who was dying when - at one point, I thought "mother" died when she was five which *really* confused me, but then realized it was grandma... Overall, the timeline of events goes by much too quickly - there are too many references to "she" rather than names.

Maybe if I went back and mapped everything out... but generally, asking your reader to do a lot of mental work in the first chapter isn't a good idea.

Check your spelling - dying (you had dieing) was the one I remember. Also, there are a couple of places that you used mothers - when it should be mother's.

Interesting concept - but I also had the feeling that I'd seen it on the 4400 before.