"WHOA! Slow Down!" I said to my catfish, as we walked through the receding summer day. "I write the songs here, sweetheart!"

Yeah, that's how it usually is with me and my f***ing catfish. And oh yeah, did I mention my butt is HUGE?!  Yeah, so it's me, my catfish, and my big f**ing A**. It gets pretty lonely sometimes.

 I take him in a clouded bowl to the McD's. I like to think he's my sybil in a fortune telling ball. I sit him down and go to the Puerto Rican girl at the counter. 

"A happy meal please."

I wouldn't mind if they held the meal part so long as I could find happiness. Oh, F*** the sentimental s***. I'm a fat a** and I know it. The "healthy" stuff on the menu wavers in front of my eyes. "Fat s**!" they taunt. "Keep packin' the quarter pounders!"

Wait, no. Those aren't the menu options. Those are high school hooligans behind me. One of them prods my big butt with a pencil. Little ****.

"Yo, back the F** off," I say. I'm big, black, and 240 lbs, born and raised in Newark. You wanna f** with me, you f**in with the wrong mack daddy.

"Chill, pops!" Now they're quiet. Little ****.

"What soda ju want?" the girl says.

Pepsi. The usual. I come here ever f**in day since I was like, twelve. Stupid b***. 

"Pepsi."

"Two fitty."

The kids titter behind me as I take my tray and sit down. My butt overwhelms the little red swirly seat.. It's probably screaming in pain.

F** the seat. F*** the kids.

I'm big, black, and 240 lbs, born and raised in Newark. And I have a big butt.