Discussion of "One Person Can Make A Difference" by srx-19

Hi there srx-19! Welcome to SM.

I've read your prologue. I think it needs some work. First some good points. Your english is good, clear and simple. Easy to read. That's essential. You might even call that talent. It means that you are capable of producing really good work.

Your concept in the preview sounds interesting. A story I would want to read for sure. But the details of her capture are not in the prologue. Your descriptions are vague. Almost blind. Like you're making it up. You say But / well / however at the start of three sentences in a row, which doesn't sound right. I think you need to hit the ground running with this one. Start with a direct scene, preferably one of major conflict or change. Use your philosophy (about the world) to support this event. At the moment your philosophy is sticking out too much, and it needs to be pulled back and added subtly. I hope these comments are helpful. I will check back to see if you have any questions or reply :)

thanks for reading :)
thanks for the comments i appreciate it. do you think i could do the prologue again? or just keep it as it is? anything will help :)
I did do an original version of this but i wanted to do it again and make it better.
thanks :)

No problem! Always happy to help :)

Yes you definitely need to do a re-write. Starting a story on the wrong foot will almost certainly lead to failure in the long run. I would recommend skipping the 'prologue' and diving straight into chapter one (unless you have something that is a true essential prologue to this story).
I will give comments for anything you submit, if they are wanted :)

Thanks for the comments again.
I did what you said and dove straight into the first chapter. I changed my old version of it cos i didn't think it was good enough. I hope this is better though. And any comment is a good comment to me :)

So you stood up for your self, good for you

My plan is go to into more detail and emotion to make people feel the part. And I just hope that it works lol.