Discussion of "Susan Shows off her New Toy (Erotica)" by srvixen

I liked this, but I didn't love it. I think there was too much "tell" and not nearly enough (almost none) "show". You told us how Susan jumped a little when the bunny hit her clit - what was his reaction? Wouldn't they have laughed, exchanged some words? I have a hard time reading stories (anything, actually) that has no dialogue; nothing that gives me a sense of being there.

I thought your premise interesting but I think you could have spiced it up; at least enough so that I left the story with something more than - a shrug of the shoulders.