Discussion of "Chapter 1: Exile" by singingwriter

I'd just like to say that it is an interesting concept that you've created here but I think you need to spread your work out a little. Add some paragraph breaks. And just a suggestion from me maybe in chapter 3 or 4 she could meet up with Nick in that little cafe he plays in they would be able to chat unhindered there allowing for some diverse dialogs. Have fun and keep it up.

I like the story line i can definitely relate to her, i don't belong to any groups at school. I bounce around in my interests too much to stay in a clique. I agree with Althorian too. Add more to your work, make it even better. BTW I would run your work through a word processor because you did have a few typos. Great job though! ~LadyV

Thanks for the advice. I really appreciate it. This was just done on a whim and isn't very good. I've already written up to chapter 14. It's not one of my better story plots. So I don't know if I'll publish it.

Thanks <3

okay not at all bad nice story !!