Discussion of "Jewel Guardians: chapter 2" by shadinah

Excellent start, shad! Waking to a dog licking her face and then confronting her strange new world. Nice.

Since, it seems I'm going to be following you around, throughout this mash project, (sheesh, what a challenge!) I sure hope you're planning on adding more to this...lol.

Maybe the character that first spoke to her will hang around, follow her, give her some advice or something?

Agreed - excellent beginning. I like the initial disorientation, the uncertainty when the dog growls, and then how that blends so smoothly into her fears of this strange place of glass and stone :)

Sorry I'm so slow - I do have more planned, just fighting work and family issues.

No worries shadinah! Keep doing what you are doing, I liked the direction w/ the dog, her aimlessly wondering and the snipits of Zane and the voices' of the other Guardians. I was hoping you'd do that, give them a voice. Anyways, I'd say explore more into how her body and very essence it vastly different from the humans, ie: how it makes her feel emotionally. That's the only advice I have! Publish soon and thanks for mashing! ;)

Shadinah, this is amazing! You did a fantastic job fleshing out the story and adding new and exciting elements to it. I love the crystals and how their "essence" can be translated to others. Wonderful addition.

Great, great job!

Other than a missing word in the first paragraph (The paradox frustrated her, and (she) squeezed her eyes tightly against the searing morning sun.) I think this is publish worthy. Nothing else caught my eye as far as editing is concerned.

I still can't see it, even with Mozilla. Can someone email it to me?

Sent it to alharris@wayne.edu

Thanks JD!

Now that you published it I had to go back and re-read it! "Obsidian eyes snapped open." -- thank you for that! ;) You traveled through my world wonderfully shadinah!

Shadinah, this was a wonderful continuation. I like how she is almost unable to tell the difference between human and fairy in "our" world. And we learn a bit about each guardian, as well.

She found help quickly, though. (It seems) But glad to see you put in a few disorienting and unnerving encounters first.

Guess I never came back around to finish commenting! Read, yes, commented, no. I loved the appearance of another like her to help guide her in this strange and chaotic world - and creepy note to end on. Nicely done!

shadinah, this was a very good continuation. You carried the same voice over skillfully, which I don’t think I would have been able to achieve. Nicely done. You added characters that allow future chapters to expand the storyline. And it was written really well. Terrific job.