Discussion of "The Unknown Chapter 2: Haunted" by shadinah

THIS IS NOT FOR THE CONTEST! I know I'm not eligible, just wanted to share my idea and figured that by the end of the contest, everyone would be so sick of the story that no one would want to read it then. lol So, don't vote on it, but I wouldn't mind feedback.

This is great!!! Jake's mixture of excitement and repulsion was incredibly realistic. I love your style - it's very easy to read and comfortable, if that makes sense. You had some great descriptions in there (liquid confidence, ha!) and I also rather like the way you dealt with Amy telling Ms. B about the abuse - readers are capable of far more imagination than most writers give them credit. And even those who don't will still get the general idea :-) I also really liked how she's confusing Amy with her daughter - it's an awesome touch. Great piece - I'd give it a 5 if we were voting!

I liked it, but not as much as the original chapter. My opinion - you went too far, too fast omitting a lot of explanation. While I, too, am of the mind that readers know more (and can create their own links) than most writer's give them credit for; and, you are an excellent practicioner of this -- I think the "jumps" this time were a little far. Don't get me wrong, I love your style, your ability to link dialogue and narrative creating very real characters and your imagination. Had this been votable, mine would have been 3.5.

Hi Shidinah. I went ahead and voted before I read the comments. 4.5 if you want to know. I really want to hear more from you. Your gentle wording and creative descriptions are exactly what I like to read. I hope you'll find the energy and inspiration to pick up where you left off at chapter two. I tried to read some others but could't put it together with the characters you had already created. Ms. B just wasn't the same and the wording was off. Please try to continue. Better late than never. I have a chapter that I still can't continue for lack of inspiration. I have no idea where to go with it. Feel free to read it. It's called "The Study". I'm not sure why lol. Anyway, mostly I just wanted to tell you that I loved your style. You should write more.