Discussion of "CoC - Trial By Fire" by shadinah

I hope you keep working on this, it's a good start and a great title.

I finally got a chance to hit this and it's on hold - but a good hold. You kept the mindset (or whatever) right along with Nash's last. I can't seem to write that way. Excellent.

btw, wsells - it was your chapter "Tit for Tat" that got me hooked on this story! You have a great descriptive style. Can't wait to see what you do with this. :)

Y'all got to be kidding me! I was just trying to get something down so I could start writing about setting the fire. I was going to come back and fix this part later! lol. I will say, I have spent the last two days playing with pink liquid, spray bottles and matches, and making my family VERY worried... I've enjoyed the research on this one!

Ha, this was great. The action, the intensity, and the nervousness of the heroine. Great addition.

Excellent! Your sense of pacing is wonderful, for instance, the action hastily scrambling between the clock's chimes. And I loved her frustration ('smoldering as much as the pile in front of me' - great line!) and the line about smokey the bear - ha! Very well done.

Believe it or not, I initially had a different ending entirely - planned on having the fire not take, her give up, go out, see Hughes pulling in the drive - Hughes sees her, she runs back in the house, sees flames dancing down the hall, same ending, but with her wondering if the fire finally took, or if someone else came in...
Anyway, the story wrote itself in a different way, and I really liked the intensity, so didn't want to change it. I may have to do an alternate chapter! lol.

"Bong!" You definitely did your research on fire starting. lol Great chapter - very intense - as was said the pacing kept me hanging on every word.

Liked the structure, the action, and the outcome. Solid leave. My only nit is "Crumb!" The way she shot the poop with Shooter in "From Shooter to Ducky," it's established Julie's vocabulary wouldn't merit a PG rating. I'm not a fan of using obscenities for their own sake - should you check, you'll notice I don't use 'em in several of my starting chapters. But when I'm writing a character someone else invents, I abide by their setup. While I liked the rest of the chapter (way to utilize the objects in Bill's bag), "Double crumb!" yanked me right out of the story.

Yeah, sorry about that - I never swore growing up, and it was all I could do to write d*** it in the chapter. Oh well.
I was REALLY curious how you would have used the objects in the bag. I really had to stretch there...

There are reasons I won't do back-to-back chapters, many of which are I don't know how to follow myself. (I had no ideas how to use the objects.) It's also one of the reasons I started Le Blog D'Uselessness, where you get to assign three variables per chapter. Eventually I hope to return to that storyline too.

There are worse obstacles to overcome than a distaste for swearing. If that's your situation, try finding other ways to express it than speaking. Easy options: (1) I cursed my predicament. (2) "Son of a..." (3) I kicked a nearby toolbox out of frustration, but my newly stubbed toe only made my mind scream more. There's usually an alternative. This'll become especially difficult should Shooter resurface. That woman's got a mouth on her.

So who's up next? I want to watch for a few.

Thanks for the tips - you'll notice I waited til Shooter wasn't in the pic before I made my attempt! (and since I have to start at least one fireeach day, the subject drew me like a moth to a flame)

This is blasphemy ! Repent !