Wow - GREAT job! It kept the rhythm and the suspense was intense! I enjoyed the interaction between the characters, and can't wait to see where this goes.

I have the beginnings of a rough draft up for A Modern Horror (4). This story seems to run long, so bear with me... :)

I really enjoyed the backstory - you did a great job describing the scene! The timeline was a little confusing initially, but fits with the story.

Interesting chapter - thanks for keeping it short - was a little intimidated to try to match the myriad of pages produced in the first two. :)

One concern - the voice of the characters didn't quite match that of the first couple chapters - Clarence had formerly come one really strong, and here he seems bumbling and shy, and Mark and Bryan both had more of a refined speech pattern before. I understand a bit of a slide in the midst of an emergency, but this was quite extreme.

I'm not too sure about the villain - seems a little too cliche? I mean, a greasy, shadowy guy in the middle of a family cul-de-sac seems the obvious choice of a bad guy - wouldn't that be the first thought of police and parents? Would have been nice to have a little more mystery to it.

However, this makes it more fun to try and mash! Thanks!

No kidding! The mystery deepens...

I liked the description of the boxes - especially the way the padding magically changes firmness... Wish we could have had those in the hospital I worked at! lol (sadly, the shortage of good help leaves many nurses and assistants stretched far to thin)

Appropriate title - after the intense action of the other chapters, this felt a little dry, but it kept the voice and moved the story along. Can't wait to see what happens next!

Wow - this builds dramatically on the tension created in the first chapter. Trina's pain came through loud and clear, and the new characters were introduced very well. I did have some trouble with the time line - had to go back and check dates - the way that beginning is written does seem like it's the next day, though it does later feel like more time has passed. My other biggest nit-pick is that there are a couple sentences with incorrect punctuation. ("Yet, where could she go." needed a question mark - one other sentence like that, I believe. And when the Mark was talking to Maggie, "She won't grab her hair?" was used as more of a statement than a question - at least it didn't make sense to me for it to be a question in that context, but it's late and I'm tired, so sorry if I'm seeing it wrong...) :)
I liked the interaction with the girls - very true to life. And loved the suspense at the end, and the switch you pulled. This was a very good addition!

Did you write this right after moving? Or helping us move? :) Very realistic writing, and believable characters. It is rather detailed - maybe a little too detailed in places, but if this is written as a novel, it works beautifully - sets the stage for a fascinating story. I liked how the public opinion toward Trina changed so quickly - the parents were happy to have her watch their children, but as soon as her motives were questioned, they were quick to turn away. Interesting that they never took the time to get to know her in the first place... I'm glad you made her intentions pure - can't wait to see where this goes!

I liked the "bunny in sights" line - and totally understand the monotony of using "rabbit" all the time - there aren't too many other words for it though....

Glad I'm not the only slow one! lol - Robin's Rabbit has a new chapter, and while I eagerly await the next round, I am happy to cut my fellow mashers some slack. :)