The story so far:
September 23rd : 10: 35 AM
I got an e-mail from my friend, Kiley, today. It was a really strange e-mail. She wanted to know what the sickest thing I ever did, was. It made me think of Riva. Riva was my best friend when I was a kid growing up. Riva was three years older than me. We had been friends since before I can remember. When I was 12, Riva’s parents divorced and right around the time I turned 13, Riva and I would spend every weekend, together. Every other weekend we would stay at Riva’s and every other weekend, we would stay at my house.
One night, after a couple of months of this, Riva sat down on the edge of my bed.
“I can’t sleep.”
“I don’t know.”
Well, what do you want to do?
“I don’t know. Sometimes when I can’t sleep, mom lets me cuddle up with her, but I don’t want you to think I’m weird.”
I don’t think you’re weird, Riva. You’re my best friend. I love you.
“Then it’s okay?”
Riva crawled into bed with me. She lie on her back staring up at the ceiling. I turned towards her. I felt kind of bad for her, so I put my arm around her, but it didn’t seem to help. She turned to face away from me and then she turned to face me and then she was on her back, again.
Okay, Riva. What exactly is going on? I mean, you can’t even relax. What is the matter with you?
“I’m not sure I should tell you.”
I thought we were best friends.
She starts to chew on her bottom lip and then exhales slowly.
“You really want to know?”
I love you, Riva. I care about you. Of course I want to know.
“I’m so horny, I could die.”
Now I was chewing on my bottom lip. I had to, to keep from laughing.
Don’t you masturbate, yet?
“Sheila! Oh my God. What do you know about masturbating?”
I know it feels good. I also know if I do it a few times, I sleep like a baby.
Sheila is sitting up now, looking down at me and smiling. She lies back down on the pillow.
“Well. Okay. I sleep like a baby too, afterwards, but it’s’ not like I can masturbate in front of you.”
I won’t tell anybody. I mean, if it helps you fall asleep then I wish you would, so I could fall asleep.
“I’m not sure I could do that.”
Well if you don’t do something, I’m going to do it for you!
“Right,” she said, laughing.
We both lay in bed staring at the ceiling for a few minutes and then I could feel the blanket move ever so slighty. I stared at the ceiling. I didn’t want to mess her up. I practically held my breath and imagined her hand, her fingers doing to herself what I had done to myself often enough. Her body started to move very slightly as her hips rocked in rythmn with her fingers. I couldn’t keep from looking at her, or, from thinking when she was done I’d have to go next. Her breathing went from held to released to held and in a moment that utterly shocked me, she whispered something to me.
“Squeeze my breast. Pinch it.”
I was frozen. I didn’t know what to do. She pulled up her shirt with her other hand and pinched her right nipple. Her hips were moving faster and my hand was no longer my own. As if caught in a spell I reached over and squeezed the other as hard as I could.
Riva was moaning and then making these strange sounds of pleasure that ended with a burst of laughter and her pushing my hand away.
“God,” she said. “They never felt that good, before.”
We both laughed and she sat up and hugged me. We shared a friendly kiss on the lips, nothing out of the ordinary and she laid back down on the pillow.
“I think I can sleep, now.”
I laid down, as well. We slept. We woke the next morning, but that wasn’t the sickest thing ever. The sickest thing ever was six months later when I stayed at Riva’s and we found the kitten. We found this kitten and brought it home. It was Riva’s idea. She called it the sisterhood of the pussy. She brought the steak knives down from the kitchen and we both took part in slicing that kitten to ribbons. We washed our bodies in its blood and then we showered together. We washed the blood off of each other and the whole thing was the most exciting, explosive experience of my entire life. We slept like babies, that night and well into the morning. We cleaned up all of the kitten and gave it a buriel, ate breakfast and ran back to bed, again. It was beyond any thing words could describe.
Seven months later, Riva’s mother came home from work and found Riva with the two steak knives in the bathtub. She had cut open her wrists and bled out on the floor and in the bath. Life was the never the same, after that. I couldn’t stop crying. For months, I couldn’t stop crying and then the crying stopped. I never cried again. I didn’t cry when my mother died and I didn’t cry when my son died. Rob did enough of that for all of us. Sometimes when he watches movies, he cries and I think of the kitten. Sometimes I think of him as the kitten, but I couldn’t put any of this in the e-mail to Kiley. Kiley doesn’t know about that side of me. None of my friends, do. Sometimes, I really miss Riva. Before Rob came along, there were several, but none of them quite like Riva. Did you ever have a Riva in your life? Not even for a moment?
September 24th : 12:17 PM
Wow! Some woman posted a comment on my blog, today. She even signed off, that way. She signed off as ‘some woman from wisconsin.’ She wanted to know what my husband did to me, to make me want to do what I did to him that day in the bath-tub. I can’t believe that somebody is actually reading this. It’s really exciting to have someone I can tell all this too, without anyone around me, anyone in my life, or, Robs life knowing anything about me; the real me. This is so cool.
I mean, I should tell her. I should write about what happened that so wanted me to get even. I guess it kind of obligates me to explain why I would commit such a nasty, thoughtless act to the man I love and I do love him. I just don’t know if he loves me. When we’re alone and he’s on his knee’s, it’s like Riva. It’s like he’s a woman. I mean, not since Riva. There have been others and they were good, very good, but not Riva. Rob is at least as good as Riva and his toy isn’t plastic. It’s real. I just wish it didn’t outlast me all the time. I just wish I could put it away, during intercourse. Is there something wrong with me? Am I not any good?
Some woman from Wisconsin. You ever have that problem?
I’ll tell you what happened, but I can’t do it right now, but I will tell you all about it. I’m in the middle of laundry and I have to meet the kids after school and then there’s dinner and getting them to bed. Sometimes, I hate my kids. Sometimes, I wish they would just follow there brother. Sometimes, I see the kitten growing into the independant pain in the **** cat. Why do they have to grow up so fast? Why do they have to get older? Riva didn’t get older. ****. Someone is at the door.