Koa is vomiting.  Koa last had her period two nights before we consummated our relationship and that was ten weeks ago.  It is now ten weeks later and Koa is getting up in the middle of the night, throwing her guts up.  She goes to bed nauseous; she wakes up nauseous and a couple of times in between, she jumps out of bed and races for the bathroom.  I get out of bed and race after her, but she always closes the bathroom door in my face, while she falls to her knee's and hugs the toilet.  The first couple of times, I open the door and she nearly bites my head off.

 

    "If you don't close the **** door and get out of here,  I'm not going to come in here anymore.  I'm just going to lean over your face!"

 

    "I'm sorry.  I just want to be able to help."

 

    She looks up at me, from the toilet, all out of breath and if looks could kill, I wouldn't have survived the first night.

 

    "What in the world would you like to do?  I'm throwing up!  What the **** could you possibly hope to do?"

 

    “I don't know, Koa.  Jennifer always wanted somebody to hold her forehead.  Maybe I could ring out a wash cloth so you can wipe your mouth."

 

    "Get out!  Get the **** out of the bathroom.  I don't need you watching me puke!"

 

    She slams the door in my face.

 

    I turn around to go back to bed, but my father is coming out of his bedroom and we meet somewhere in the middle.

 

    "What's wrong?"

 

    "Koa is sick.  Must be some kind of, uh, stomach virus.  She'll be all right."

 

    "There's some Pepto in the kitchen."

 

    "I know.  She'll be okay."

 

    He turns around and goes back to bed.  I turn around and go back to bed.  Koa comes back into the bedroom, sometime later and crawls back to bed.

 

    "Any better?"

 

    "I don't know.  I feel like I'm never going to bring it all up."

 

    She's suffering.  She also has bad indigestion.

 

    "This happened once before," she says.

 

    "When?"

 

    "I got pregnant with Melido, once and then I lost the kid."

 

    Pregnant?  Did I just hear her say pregnant?  It sounded like she said pregnant.  I know I caught both syllables, but I must have heard her wrong because Koa can't get pregnant.  Koa has been telling me this for years.  Ever since she had all those "female problems" and ended up spending the month of her 16th birthday in Caladonia Hospital, Koa has been emphatic about her inability to have kids.

 

    "Did you just tell me you were pregnant?"

 

    Koa turns her face towards mine.  We're both lying on our backs, staring up at the darkness when our faces turn towards one another.

 

    "Yeah.  What did you think I said?"

 

    I'm not laying down, anymore.  I'm sitting up and looking down at her.

 

    "Why didn't you ever tell me about this?"

 

    "I didn't think it was a big deal."

 

    "Not a big deal?  Are you crazy?  I didn't think you could have children."

 

    "Well, so did I!  Now come on," she adds, tugging on the blankets.  "Lay down.  It's cold."

 

    This girl is not normal.  This girl is out in space, somewhere.

 

    I've never been on the pill, she tells me.  I don't like condoms, she explains.  You don't have to worry, she assures.  They told when I was 16, I could never have a baby-

 

    "Come on, Ben!  Lay down.  I'm cold."

 

    I shake my head and lay back down.  I'm staring up at the darkness, again.  I'm thinking about the fact that all her sisters have kids and deep down inside, I know Koa would give anything to have one and I wouldn't mind having one myself, although I'm not sure this is the time.  I mean, it isn't like Koa is in love with me, or anything.

 

    "I'm sorry, Koa."

 

    "For what?"

 

    "For your having lost a kid."

 

    "I'm not.  I didn't want to have Melido's baby.  I told God I wanted to have your baby.  I told God I wanted you to be the father.  Strange, my feeling that way.  We weren't even sleeping together."

 

    I think Koa is living somewhere on Pluto.  She's an alien life form and this is the shape she's adopted to study humanity.  I admit: it's a nice shape and I'm having close encounters of the only kind but, how in world do you ask God to have something with someone when you're sleeping with someone else?

 

    "When did all this happen?"

 

    "Three years ago."

 

    "And you asked God for me to be the father?"

 

    "Yeah," she says and we're looking at each other, again.

 

    "Why in the world did you want me to be the father?"

 

    "Because, Ben, I want my kid to inherit your heart and mind.  I just hope he gets my looks."

 

    "Thanks, Koa.   I'm not that ugly."

 

    Koa laughs.

 

    "Do you really think you're pregnant?"

 

    "I don't know."

 

    "Maybe we should see a doctor."

 

    "No."

 

    Koa says this, rather quickly.  Almost to quickly.  I wonder if it could have anything to do with the fact that she's from Pluto and if a doctor ever examined her, he'd discover this and then her cover would be blown and she'd have to turn into some ugly, horrible creature which would kill me, because I wouldn't be able to deal with the sight of what I've been sharing my bed with for the last two and half months.  Of course, in the last two and a half months, I've gotten to see what a monster Koa can be.

 

    "Why not?"

 

    "Cause I don't want to see a doctor, Ben.  Doctors take money and neither one of us has that much."

 

    "Money isn't that big a deal, Koa."

 

    "I'm not going to a doctor."

 

    "Well, how about if I get an EPT kit?"

 

 

    "I don't want any of that ****.  Let's just wait and see what happens."

 

    "What do you mean, wait and see what happens?"

 

    "Let's just wait and see if my period drops."

 

    "Sure," I say, staring back up at the darkness.  "And if it doesn't drop, in let's say the next nine months, we'll know you're pregnant."

 

    I can't argue with her.  I learned a long time ago, Koa is someone you don't argue with.  Koa is stubborn and unreasonable.  If Koa doesn't like it, Koa says **** it!

 

    We go on like this for a couple of weeks.  Koa is antsy by day and sick by night.  She is moody.  We fight.  I keep pleading with her to see a doctor, but she flatly refuses.  I buy an EPT kit, but Koa won't use it.  I keep begging her to use it.  If she's pregnant, I want to know.  If she isn't, I want to know why she isn't having her period.  I want to know that there isn't anything wrong with her.  Koa doesn't seem to want to know anything at all and then it all comes to an explosive head.

 

    One particular night, Koa is violently sick.  She races for the bathroom and I can hear her losing her insides.  She won't open the door.  She won't let me in.  She's in the bathroom for a good hour and she won't let me in and then she's calling out to me.

 

    "Ben?  Ben?"

 

    "What?  What is it?"

 

    "Is there an all night drug store around?"

 

    "Yeah."

 

    "You'll have to go out and get me some napkins.  I'm bleeding really heavy."

 

    "You're bleeding?"

 

    "Yeah, Ben.  I'm bleeding.  I'm bleeding!  Can you go get some?  I'm going to need 'em."

 

    "I'll get dressed."

 

    I'm out the door in less than 15 minutes and I find I'm extremely depressed.  I had begun to believe Koa was really pregnant.  I had begun to really grow fond of the idea of a child.  If anything scared me, it was the expense; the financial responsibility, but I felt I could make it.  I was good for a couple hundred a week with a legal car.  It wasn't something I wanted to make a career out of, but it was a start.


    The following night, Jennifer calls.

 

    "Ben?  What are you doing home?  I thought you were living in Ohio?"

 

    "I'm home visiting my father.  Hold on.  I'll get him for you."

 

    "Wait.  I have some news," she says, but I don't really want to hear it.  I've already heard it and I'm passing the phone to my father.

 

    I go back into the bedroom where Koa is laying in bed, nursing a beer.

 

    "Who's that?"

 

    "Jennifer."

 

    My father hangs up the phone and comes into the bedroom.

 

    "That was quick.  What happened?"

 

    "Well, she said, 'guess what?'  I said, 'you had a baby boy.'  She said, 'how did you know?'  I told her, 'Theresa called Ben, told him and Ben told me.'  She said, 'Ben talks to Theresa?'  I said, 'I just told you he did, didn't I?'  She said, 'if Ben can talk to Theresa, why can't he talk to me?'  I told her I didn't know and that was that.  She hung up."

 

    I look at Koa and Koa looks at me.

 

    "You still hurt her," Koa says., but I don't understand how that can be.