How about international intrigue, in the dusty sands of a 19th century middle-east ?

It's a stylistic thing, wordiness. Writers have to find their style. Style is what makes the difference between, say, erotica and porn, pulp fiction and literature. Yes, dumbing it down may get one more readers... perhaps make you rich (if not famous) if you get published.

Itbemeerict, if this style came to you naturally, then I'd say continue to develop it, becasue that's who you are. If you felt it was forced, then by all means, dumb it down.

It's pretty good stuff. I'm feeling it !

It's hard reading and mechanical.

Perfectly written. Nice use of vocabulary. But no life. Too mechanical.

Good stuff ! One thing I thought that might have improved it would have been giving "Her" and "Him" names.

Excellent dialogue !

Faultless writing. But too many characters have been thrown in, making it a little mind boggling.

Basically, you've give us the bones, without any meat ! The dark meat tastes the best :)) .

Superb detail ! Could be improved by more emotion.