Discussion of "The View from Inside" by ryanclausen
| 1 | norm 1 year ago Reply Great opening line. But the first paragraph got me confused as to what was happening exactly. And later there was some dialog, I think, without the typical "quotes" and separate paragraphs. And the ending is kind of a spoiler/leap. The untold, unexplained is often creepier. Let the reader get carried away imagining many different scary endings instead of just the one you provide. I'd ended it on "It would all be over soon." And on StoryMash the readers could add the scary endings they imagine. | |
hidden comment from ryanclausen with score of -1 |
| 1 | Steve1 1 year ago Reply Intense story, thinking about adding to it as it could continue to play out into a very good thriller. | |
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MysticPen 10 months, 1 week ago
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Great story, however, I have to agree with norm. I got confused here and there. It’s always difficult to take criticism, but it can improve you work if you are open to it. The story is awesome. It would be even better if you could work on grammar and your presentation technique. |
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writerwannabe 9 months ago
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Gee, I wonder why anyone that can't accept criticism would post a story here? Fact is, norm was being nice. So was MysticPen. I thought the story could have been really good except that you mishandled it badly. It dawned on me, at the end, that the story, the way it was written, basically sucked. |
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