I open my eyes, and immediately realize I am now within a hospital. Perhaps my life was to end sooner than I thought. What if I had only a few seconds to live now? I sit up now tensely awaiting my final breath; relieved when it doesn't come. Sighing I look around.

There lying around me is my family, my once bustling family now resting their heads next to the bed upon which I lay. The tears begin pouring down my cheeks as I realize the amount of pain they are going through. They live their lives anticipating every minute to be my last, and they hide it. They put on their best acts, Jeff with his corny jokes, Karen with her loving affection, Melisa with her cuteness, and Hunter with his seriousness. 

I know that what I am going through is at the very least ten times better then what they are going through. My children, my angel...they don't deserve this. They don't deserve a man that has them with bags under their eyes. They don't deserve a man that can drop dead at any moment. They deserve way more than me. I guess it's time I left them, though not in the way Charles Joseph Whitman would. 

I would go out, but only in the way Tony wanted to. 

"I'm sorry honey. Sorry Hunter, Melissa, Jeff" I whisper to them all as the tears begin stinging me. I give them all a peck on their heads and quietly jump off the backside of the bed. With one last look at my family I quietly open the door, and sneak down the hallway.

"Bye"   

The room was eerily quiet until the lady and her children began to stir. They rose up, their heads anxious to see their dad and husband to be lying on the bed. They were sadly disappointed, for there lay no one; the bed was empty and there was no sign of the dad and husband's return. The lady got up quickly now thinking that the patient had passed away while they slept. The children now became frantic as they realized their dad was missing. It was all happening too fast as they all began weeping furiously expecting to hear the worst from the doctor. But what they heard was horrifying to them. Their dad and husband had run away when the sun was way below the horizon. They realized that they would not be able to treasure the face of the man that they had valued for most of their lives, in last breadths. They would not be able to have some last moments of fun. They had lost a husband and a father that day and their tears would not be enough to bring him back. 

________________________________________________________

So what does a man that is dying from a tumor, who killed his best friend, whose family is suffering from so much pain, have to live to live for? Why should he live anymore at all, when he is just a mere nuisance that de-spirits everyone he comes into contact with?

"WHY THE **** SHOULD I **** LIVE?" I scream out on the sidewalk. Heads turn but no one challenges at the psycho. No one cares, about a little distraction in their lives. In fact they actually love to see action, as they crowd around fights piling up money on who they think is going to win. 

"I'm Freaking DYING" I cry out as I slump down the wall of the building I had been leaning on. 

"They SAID I HAVE 14 DAYS LEFT TO LIVE BUT I WANT TO DIE NOW. RIGHT **** NOW. KILL ME PLEASE, please, pleas..." I break down crying now, tears burning my insides along with my outsides.

My thoughts rush to Clarkia...Did I really kill him and those two girls? Had I really been in that gay bar that day? AM I REALLY DYING?

"WHO WANTS TO KILL ME? I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE. KILL ME SOMEONE PLEASE"

Today I was going to die before the tumor ate me and my family alive. Today Tony would be no more.