Discussion of "Tiptoe Through The Tulips by Tiny Tim" by rico76sgirl

Well, I _was_ going to have pizza for dinner tonight. Not no more. Surprised dog and TBH haven't found this one yet.

Where to start? Hmm.

It's disturbing. Painful. Gruesome. Especially the part about her eye being extracted and sliced. Reminded me of Un Chien Andaleu, and I always had to turn my head when that part was shown. Eye damage makes me squeamish.

As well-detailed and thorough as the agony was described, I would've appreciated some idea of the motivation. Her husband did this to her? Was there method to his madness? Had something snapped in him, or had she never noticed his sadistic tendencies toward inhumanity? He was a cop (service revolver); did he see something he couldn't unsee and it haunted him until he went overboard? If so, why take it out on the missus? Especially with such a young child?

One of the most disturbing pieces I ever read was about a torture session where a husband abused his wife with an electric sander. And yet I read it start to finish. I'm not sure what it was about or why I read it. While the writing was compelling enough to hold my attention, I felt like it could've been so much more with reasoning. Largely the same case here.

Remind me not to play any Tiny Tim albums when you're within earshot, lest you feel the need to remove my ears with tinsnips.

All in all, you had a great what, enough where and when, but I missed the who and why. A little depth of character would make this a hundredfold more haunting.

Thank you Nash, dearest. I am always open to suggestions for improvement. You are absolutely right about the who and why. In hindsight, it would have made an easier read to understand why he did this. Wish I hadn't rushed it and left it open for editing. Yes, I was thinking abusive cop but let me clear up that the little girl is not his child, but a child from her second marriage to Ken. Motive, maybe? I don't know. To be honest, never even had a reason in my head. I got the spark of an idea for this story from Sesame Street's version of the song (a torture in itself, ha ha), and I thought to myself, "If I had to listen to this **** every day, I would run even if my legs were broken...."
You know how these things go, right Nash? But I did have some fun writing this, and I am delighted that you were a bit squeamish because my son was also. I call him my sounder because he reads everything to see if it is a sound piece and he enjoys it.

Since I have your attention, I have a question. Is there still a length limit on SM chapters? Seems they are able to be longer since I have been back, but I didn't want to make it too long and end up doing the dreaded snipping. It's a bit painful looking for words to throw out and meet the requirements, lol.

At any rate, I am thankful for your honest critique and solid advice. Would you do me the honor of showing me up and writing another chapter on here?

I would be most appreciative.

I'm surprised that Nash missed the inferences (there were a couple) that indicated Tom was the ex and Ken the current husband and father of their child. Although motive was lacking...I sometimes think that a clear motive need not be shown; if, as in this case, the story is so well done.

I really, really liked this one. It's seldom that a woman (not a put down in any way) can write with such gruesome and bloody detail. I know some male writer's that can't stomach this kind of attention to detail...lol.

This one took my breath away. I love stories that can do that to me....;o)

That was great! I loved it. Nothing like the victim getting back at the tormentor. Ah, I can sleep well tonight :)

Detail was amazing and the emotion that she felt, A+ on the spot. Didn't feel overfed with it either, did great balancing it and keeping the story rolling.

Awww shucks guys! Thank you. In hind sight, I think Nash is right though. Maybe just a hint of what set him off would have made the story that much better. Glad I had the honor of makin ya queazy writer, LOL!