Discussion of "Haunting Beauty - Chapter 1" by remedial

I think you're a very talented writer and even though I just joined today, I've been looking for some story like this to add to or to just read and not be bored to tears. This is it, but now that I've read your story, I'm too afraid to add to it because I don't want to mess it up, it's so clean cut and I think I know where your going with this, but then again what if you go another way and I mess it up lol but I'm going to give it a shot just because this is so good that it can stand alone. However... this site pushes us to all be collaborative so here I go! And oh this was great, if you hadn't got that already. =)

Check out mine: http://storymash.com/u/creativewriter/sowidami/

Hi there. You hit the ground running with this. The opening line is brilliant. Great hook. It seems like you're an experienced writer, and your writing with that 'edge' which sets you apart from the crowd. Unfortunately there are parts here that come across muddled and a bit flimsy. A few throwaway lines also, but what's missing here is realism. I know you're capable so good luck with it. Two stars.

really good hope you continue eye catching title