Beautiful, dogdeity11. Love it.

"Rapid-fire" is a good word for it, dkk4510. My curiosity keeps me reading, but the lack of description (for lack of a better word) wants to draw me away. I still like it, but I think it would be better to flesh out a bit, themagnopen, so as to avoid sounding rushed. Off to read chapter 3! =)

Hi AndrewLamar and Lily_Cade! I'm sorry about the confusion Lily_Cade, I meant "third" child where I wrote "fifth". About Emilio's immediate acceptance of the gift, or the lack of conflict/resistance, I wanted to show that as a natural and inevitable reaction to the gift--that that is how the gift is supposed to make one feel, and that one has no choice but to accept it anyway. I hope to make things a bit clearer in the the next chapter. I appreciate the comments! Thanks for reading!

Hi. Have published chapter 2 (Not So Fast) of Hits and Misses. Great job everyone! Your stories inspire me to be a better writer. =)

i agree with cnd140 that the (Anna) is unnecessary. Just trust the reader to figure out where the story's going. actually, this involves trusting your writing, more than anything. and you should, because this is a good one! Can't wait to see what happens next.

love the concept. A bit careless with punctuation, which is a bit distracting (always proofread), but good writing nonetheless. good job!

haha! guess it shows in the story how terrified i am of cockroaches. thanks, thamagnopen! =D

I agree with blue_knight108. fantastic imagery.