All Comments by powerfulpen

I wish someone would tell the great grammarian persep... a lot is two words. I loved your story Nash and I am sure we will see your name on the New York best seller's list.

nash,
Don't get me wrong. You have very good writing skills.I congratulate you on your win. I just don't know how some judges can rate something a 1 or a 2. Moreover, some judges comments were clearly digs about other author's works. If a judge has something to say, then say it. Skip the passive aggressive crap. Trust me the judge I am referring to is educated enough to read between the lines.

This whole contest is a joke. What criteria is used to determine a score? The judge's feelings. You rate a piece of work with no specified criteria on its effectiveness or lack of effectiveness? Every work of art or something esteemed of value has specific criteria established to determine its worth. For example, a diamond's clarity and other such factors are rated to determine the value of a diamond. What are these judges basing their decision on? Instead of scores being posted, categories should have been rated. Examples of clarity would include: plot development, use of figurative language, character development, etc..., This current contest seems completely subjective and heavily influenced by other people's comments.

Thanks to all for your feedback. This has been so enlightening for me. Your suggestions, critiques and observations are extremely helpful. Here's to you for giving up your time and caring enough to share your wisdom, experience and talent.

What do the numbers next to the comments mean? Sometimes there is a one and sometimes a two. Where would I read about the purpose of these numbers?

I agree with the comments. I am glad to get the feedback. This is useful inforomation to incorporate.

Yes, we are in the midst of a changing world. Change causes fear in people and when fear sets in, paralysis of a sort sets in. However, history has played this out before, and every time, eventually people rise to the occasion and create a more dynamic place. I liked your art with words, and though it probably wasn't supposed to it made me think about the current election.

I like the idea of her getting one step closer to the killer. I like your writing style a lot. From your words, I could create some pretty good visuals. I had wished for more of a transistion form the original work.

This is a great idea for a story. These kind of fires happen every year in a large city located very close to my home. In my humblest opinion, to make the story stronger, I recommend that you show instead of tell. A reader does not have you to fill in the blanks, so you must paint a picture with words. For example,instead of smoke had blinded our eyes, you may want to describe the imapact the smoke had on your physical body and how the cough sounded, compare what it was like not being able to see to some other situation. I prefer a more descriptive writing style, but I think the story plot is well thought out and lends itself to developing a richer story that shows you and your wife as a couple, story lines for the children, maybe a scene where your wife speaks to you in the final moments of the children's life, etc.

I will make sure to read some of your work and other authors as well. I think participating in the contest(S)will get people to recognize your username. Also, I do believe as others have put it more eloquently, people gravitate to what interests them.
I, too, try not to comment if I don't have anything positive to say. Who am I to discourage someone? I may not like the work, but someone else may think it is phenomenal.
I think you have brought awareness to an issue and awareness is the first step in the resolution of a matter.

I like the description and it held my interest. While I was reading, I felt as if you were going to make the main character a pedophile. Why was he burning the kleenex? I think you can do a lot with your story.

dogdeity11
Yes, I used two different versions of word. For some reason, when I cut and paste, it came up all jumbled. I even edited it using the storymash place for editing, but when I hit publish it went right back. Well, thanks for the comments.

Thank you for the critique. I have found your comments extremely useful for future works. I agree with your comment about the case file. I needed to work that out in a different way. Again, I really appreciate the constructive criticism. It will help me grow as a wrtier.

You are right. It should say adara. This is useful feedback. Thank you.

Forgive me for not editing well enough. I too realized after I published the story that I made typhos with nona/nora. It should be Nona. The enneagram is a psychologically based theory used by mental health professionals to guage the mental health of individuals on a spectrum. The use of Dante's nine levels of hell has to do with the end and the three headed dog who is Cerebrus the dog who guards hell. The doctor mentioned in the story is Cerebrus spelled backwards which I thought later in the story we could connect the killer to the doctor. All of this was used to set the stage for later development of the story. Thanks for the feedback.

Its origin is Latin.

I loved your story and I think that it can go in a zillion directions. You are a gifted writer. I look forward to seeing your novel in paperback.

Thank you. I have been dying for some feedback from anyone using this site. I really want to break into the field of writing. I loved your story and find you truly gifted. You have an extraordinary way with words.