Discussion of "The Unknown (Chapter 2)" by politeditor

this is an add on to chapter one - maybe you should have read it before commenting and voting

Rocklee - confused by your statement - this is added on to chapter one?

wendy - yes, this is an add on...I am also very confused by rocklee's statement. I have a feeling it was a vote/comment without actually reading either chapter - which is just not in the spirit of this contest, which is an awful shame.

unless they read the other one and accidently left the comment on yours - the other one posted (the accountant I think) has nothing to do with the story from what I can tell except using the same names...

who knows...I guess every has the right to interpret as they see fit...I would rather that person said my writing was bad or they didn't like it, than to make a blanket comment that is not true.

Nevermind. The other did make sense, I just had some names mixed up.

Damn, ragging on my story in others' comments too. Oh well, I guess it's free advertising:)

I wasn't ragging on it. I was confused, then admitted it was my confusion, not your story...

eh.nothing we didnt already know.

I'm sorry, I thought I saw this in the New Story section. I won't comment on this, I plan on participating myself.

Also, I never voted...so whatever vote you have isn't my fault!

well then I forgive you whole heartedly! I just hate the negative comments when it clearly was not warranted...as I am sure you would not appreciate it either :-). All is forgiven and i look forward to your story once written!

I rather liked it. True, it didn't progress the story very far, but you gave us a stronger look at Ms. B and her past, as well as how she relates to others. The dialogue felt a bit stiff at times, but I love the general feel of your writing. I give it a 3.5 - good luck!

thank you aggeloi. I think my purpose behind not progressing it so far was that we have many more chapters to be written...so I viewed this as another chapter in a novel and left you/everyone with a solid ending to continue on in many directions. I appreciate the comment and the vote!

My favorite part was the continuous, rising suspense throughout all of it and you created that effect in just a few minutes of the story's timeline. It felt very much like a horror story yet it obviously wasn't. Great writing.

zatoichi - thank you so much for your comment...it is greatly appreciated!!

I liked your writing style, in particular the mix of narrative and dialogue; one led to the other quite well, I think. I have a small issue with the plot line. If Jake overheard his dad talking about killing Mrs. B and was concerned that his dad would find out that he'd told Mrs. B; would he willingly allow her to walk him back to his house? I wouldn't...lol. The same criterium applies to Mrs. B.; would she put Jake in that kind of jeopardy. I don't think so. Anyway, just my opinion and, as I said, I like your writing style. My vote: 3

thanks writerwannabe - I completely understand your concerns - which is why I gave the plot line option of the father appearing at the door...takes one suspense away of what may have happened when she walked him home and added a different suspense/surprise. Although, I agree, I should have developed more angst with her walking him home. Thanks for the vote and comment!!

Ah, I can see you sitting at your computer, slowly shaking your head, a grim smirk on your face as you read my comment. "What an dolt," you're thinking, "didn't he notice that Jake's dad appears at the door, negating his entire concern in the plot?"
Sighing, you stretch your fingers to the keyboard and type a response, all the time saying to yourself, "I will be cool, I will gently point out the error of his ways, I will be cool, I will not tell him how stupid he surely is...."

LMAO...OF COURSE, Jakes' father appearing at the door negated the "downside" part of my comment. OF COURSE, his appearance changed the storyline and notched up the suspense!
OF COURSE, I can't add one and one to get two and realize that my comment was BS before typing it.

I have never claimed to be a good critic (you could go back and check all of my comments and see how many times I've pointed to my lack of critique skills) and here, again, I've completely verified my lack of critique credential!! My apologies; my thanks for not pounding on me and, as pentence, I've raised my vote. 3.5

ha ha! you are too funny writerwannabe! Actually your comment was better than you think...it got me thinking that I should have played out the suspicion of walking him more a bit more, maybe elaborated on it. Even with Jake's father standing in the doorway, that doesn't negate the fact that the process of whether she should or should not walk him home could have been expanded to reflect more concern or doubt. So no, I don't think you are a dolt at all :-). Thanks for raising the vote!!

You have an interesting look on Jake... He's got a total cry-baby thing going on, but then *snap!* and he's fine. It would definitely be an intense character study.

hebe - thank you so much for your comment. There were just so many ways to go with all the characters, I figured that would be an appealing way to move the story along while allowing for further chapters to be written. Your comment and vote are appreciated!