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All Comments by politeditor

39 comments
1 politeditor 5 years, 7 months ago Context

I stand corrected...too many thoughts in my head!! lol. And I think at the time I wrote this, my thoughts were that the mayor figured a fuss was the last thing he wanted. Ugh, is chapter 3 over yet? lol


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1 politeditor 5 years, 7 months ago Context

honeygloom - thanks for the comment. If you note, though, I never said anyone filed off the bus and when she does get on the bus it is completely empty (I never mentioned anyone was on it). I can assure you it was not rushed and was thought out, I guess I just wasn't clear enough in my process w/ the children...but hey, we all live and learn and all your comments have been extremely helpful and will definitely weigh in when I write another chapter! Thank you!!


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1 politeditor 5 years, 7 months ago Context

Aggeloi and Katrina - thank you very much for your comments and critiques. This was only my second effort at a Mash, so I live, read, write and certainly learn! Hopefully my effort for Chapter 4 will turn out a bit better. Again, thanks for the critiques!!


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1 politeditor 5 years, 7 months ago Context

Thanks Shadinah! Yeah, I am really getting land blasted for the hanging up the cell phone thing...obviously a poor choice. Good point about the arm being bare...and I definitely should have used the word cement or sidewalk instead of floor...just a poor word choice on my part.

This is only my second or third go round at mashing and I am loving it! Thanks a bunch for your comment and vote.


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1 politeditor 5 years, 7 months ago Context

I think ur comment is awesome and thank u for it as well as your vote....I don't mind getting slammed for a "mistake" bc that is how we all learn!! Thank u for all ur comments, if I weren't on vacation and on my iPhone I would address ur other comments! LOL.


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1 politeditor 5 years, 8 months ago Context

dogdeity-thanks so much for the vote and comment...with the confrontation that occurred in chapter two b/t Ms. B and the parents I just had to get irene in there...I would have used her husband but was an obvious choice and frankly portrayed as too much of a wimp! LOL. Thanks again for reading and commenting...I am new here but really love what this site provides!


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1 politeditor 5 years, 8 months ago Context

Thanks writer! Yeah, I missed the boat on the phone thing, oh well, so be it...next time though!! I am not European, but I see what you are saying...I have a pet peeve about turning on the lights and switching on the lights, etc...lol. Thanks for the vote and comment!


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1 politeditor 5 years, 8 months ago Context

WB - Eternal took my comment! As I sat here and read the story, all I kept saying to myself was "I would have never taken it down this road, and obviously no one else did either". I really enjoyed that she may not be an FBI agent after all, very interesting and creative. I had an issue with her being a criminal in the past...I felt as if that was something almost too much out of left field, given the background we have already been provided about her. It was well done, and I look forward to reading your next chapter to see what road you lead us all down!


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1 politeditor 5 years, 8 months ago Context

Geesh, a second one from you? I liked the story line of your first entry a bit better, but it does not take away from the fact that you writing is very good. Not much else to say here - as always, I enjoy reading your posts!


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1 politeditor 5 years, 8 months ago Context

Annalia - this was a very nice effort. I would say the few things that bothered me were some grammatical missteps and the confusion of Jake being punished. Otherwise, you ideas were very creative and well thought out, I just think a your story would have likely come out better if you were not in between calls at work (he he). I have tried it before, and it doesn't work lol. All in all, nice effort and you get 3.0 from me.


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1 politeditor 5 years, 8 months ago Context

This was a great read wannabe...I think now I am upset that you and Nash entered the contest lol. Can't either of you stay out of one? lol. Just kidding of course, great story, great movement, good use of Pete (as others said) and you built the characters up nicely. It leaves some good work to be done for the remaining chapters. I guess my only "criticism", if you can even call it that, was sometimes the dialogue was just a little off for me. Other than that, great post, you got a 4.0 from me!


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3 politeditor 5 years, 8 months ago Context

Nash, i have read some of your other stuff and was pretty impressed...this one is no different. Exciting, entertaining, definitely creative and moved in a nice direction...I have to echo writerwannabe - damn you for entering the contest! lol - just kidding of course, but very nicely done. 4.5 from me as well.


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3 politeditor 5 years, 8 months ago Context

I have to echo my predecessors on this one. The piece on its own is a fine work of fiction, but it doesn't mesh too well. I have to give it a 3.0, but would have rated it much higher if it meshed better...your style is like none other I have read on here and look forward to reading more and hope you are able to contribute more!


  hidden comment from politeditor with score of 3
1 politeditor 5 years, 8 months ago Context

this was a very nice effort. I do have to agree with a prior comment that the story started a bit too slowly for me (based on the suspense that has been built w/ the previous 2 chapters), but all in all a fine effort. I saw you mentioned suspense was not your normal writing genre, but I think you do a fine job with it, so keep it up!


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1 politeditor 5 years, 8 months ago Context

Sword - I have to echo everyone elses comments, as there is not much left to say. I do think a little of the dialogue was distracting with the punctuation you chose, but all in all, I think it was a very nicely crafted continuation of the story. Well done!


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1 politeditor 5 years, 8 months ago Context

Sword, thanks for the comment and vote. The Mrs. B thing was not intentional, but it would have been interesting to play that part out - I agree. Thanks for the insight!!


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1 politeditor 5 years, 8 months ago Context

thanks Eternal for the vote and comment. Damn, I guess I should have kept her on the phone!! lol. I think I have been reading too many novels lol


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1 politeditor 5 years, 8 months ago Context

Wow i had everything I wanted to say (children vanished in part 2, how did Jake get on the bus, kind of an odd dialogue), but every already said everything! lol Despite my hang-ups, I thought the premise was very good - I like how the Mayor made up the food drive thing to stave off suspicion, but I don't think he should have stammered so much - he was portrayed as a more confident man in part 2 and all of a sudden he was babbling? Again, I liked it, but it could have been....cleaner. Good effort!


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1 politeditor 5 years, 8 months ago Context

Savarager - I liked the dialogue, although I would have liked to see a bit more plot movement. I love the ending where you build up to her phone ringing...extremely well thought out there. I have it 3.5...it would have definitely been a 4 or 4+ for me if the plot was moved a bit more. That being said, great entry and continuation!


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2 politeditor 5 years, 8 months ago Context

Chloe - thank you very much for both your comment and vote. I pondered that when I was writing it, but I think my process was that even though she thought something may be wrong, it would not be as much of a cliffhanger ending to the chapter if she kept him on the phone...I guess I was trying to give the appearance that all was ok, up until she got slapped, that is lol.


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1 politeditor 5 years, 8 months ago Context

I meant to reply instead of posting a new comment...can this be corrected? I definitely did a new story link instead of a write next chapter...I goofed big time.


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1 politeditor 5 years, 8 months ago Context

shadinah - I think I goofed - I did a new story link, NOT the next chapter link...how do I correct this now that it is published? Can I?


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2 politeditor 5 years, 8 months ago Context

hebe - thank you so much for your comment. There were just so many ways to go with all the characters, I figured that would be an appealing way to move the story along while allowing for further chapters to be written. Your comment and vote are appreciated!


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1 politeditor 5 years, 8 months ago Context

ha ha! you are too funny writerwannabe! Actually your comment was better than you think...it got me thinking that I should have played out the suspicion of walking him more a bit more, maybe elaborated on it. Even with Jake's father standing in the doorway, that doesn't negate the fact that the process of whether she should or should not walk him home could have been expanded to reflect more concern or doubt. So no, I don't think you are a dolt at all :-). Thanks for raising the vote!!


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1 politeditor 5 years, 8 months ago Context

thanks writerwannabe - I completely understand your concerns - which is why I gave the plot line option of the father appearing at the door...takes one suspense away of what may have happened when she walked him home and added a different suspense/surprise. Although, I agree, I should have developed more angst with her walking him home. Thanks for the vote and comment!!


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1 politeditor 5 years, 8 months ago Context

zatoichi - thank you so much for your comment...it is greatly appreciated!!


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1 politeditor 5 years, 8 months ago Context

thank you aggeloi. I think my purpose behind not progressing it so far was that we have many more chapters to be written...so I viewed this as another chapter in a novel and left you/everyone with a solid ending to continue on in many directions. I appreciate the comment and the vote!


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1 politeditor 5 years, 8 months ago Context

well then I forgive you whole heartedly! I just hate the negative comments when it clearly was not warranted...as I am sure you would not appreciate it either :-). All is forgiven and i look forward to your story once written!


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1 politeditor 5 years, 8 months ago Context

who knows...I guess every has the right to interpret as they see fit...I would rather that person said my writing was bad or they didn't like it, than to make a blanket comment that is not true.


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1 politeditor 5 years, 8 months ago Context

wendy - yes, this is an add on...I am also very confused by rocklee's statement. I have a feeling it was a vote/comment without actually reading either chapter - which is just not in the spirit of this contest, which is an awful shame.


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2 politeditor 5 years, 8 months ago Context

this is an add on to chapter one - maybe you should have read it before commenting and voting


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2 politeditor 5 years, 8 months ago Context

Wendyboop - I just published my part 2 and I had the dad idea also! lol.

I too enjoyed the panic in his voice and utilized that in my story as well. Overall it was a good read, but I would have liked to see you get a bit more in depth. All in all, it was very good. well done!


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1 politeditor 5 years, 8 months ago Context

thanks persephonie - i will keep those suggestions in mind for future stories! The insight is greatly appreciated!


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2 politeditor 5 years, 8 months ago Context

Wow, you are 13??? What a piece! Wow, just keep writing and keep expressing your emotions through your words. As Alexxis said, to be able to do what you did in that poem is truly a gift. Well done!!


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2 politeditor 5 years, 8 months ago Context

very well done - I look forward to reading more of your work.


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3 politeditor 5 years, 8 months ago Context

this was very well written...kudos on the story...if it wins stage one, I look forward to writing a second chapter on it!


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3 politeditor 5 years, 9 months ago Context

I am sitting here doing laundry and of course, i log in to read some stuff and your story is the feature...it was great and as I sit here and do laundry, I cannot help but laugh! :-)


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1 politeditor 5 years, 9 months ago Context

I'm hoping someone can continue this for me...it is a piece I worked on a long time ago about the mental aspect of golf...any enthusiasts out there? Please, take a whirl!!


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2 politeditor 5 years, 9 months ago Context

I hope you all enjoy and maybe someone can continue the next chapter and see where the story line ends up...


  hidden comment from politeditor with score of 2